To begin, turkey has somehow become the big brother of Thanksgiving feasts (ham is the little brother). I’m sure there’s a very good folk tale/reason why turkeys have taken the head spot despite having no head, but I don’t really feel like looking into it.
(Okay, I did look into it, but it’s a little boring. It involves some queen of England eating a goose and the Pilgrims finding turkeys in America easier… blah, blah, blah. I did learn that wild turkeys can run up to 55 miles an hour, though.)
If there could be a middle brother, though, allow me to suggest this – hard salami.
You may wonder, “Why hard salami?” I say, “Because.” If you’re lucky to already have hard salami as a part of your holiday meal, then you can stop reading. For those that don’t understand… here is my back up response to because:
- Even though it thinks it’s hard, it’ s really easy.
- It’s like giant pepperonis, but better. (And I sure love me some pepperoni.)
- I don’t know what they put in it, and I don’t want to know. It keeps it mysterious.
- I could eat it every single day, even if faced against something from Taco Bell. (Only if either item was free, though. If I had to pay, I’m sure the Taco Bell would be cheaper and thus win.)
- It’s great with mozzarella on a plain bagel. Trust me.
- I bet it would be Jack Bauer’s favorite food.
(SIDENOTE: When Google image searching “hard salami,” I was afraid of what might come up. The following was a pleasant surprise.)