So this happened all the time, even though we like to pretend it didn’t.
In Britain! I meant to say it happened all the time in Britain!
We were way cooler over here in America…
They’ve been trying to make The Saturday Night Live Movie since 1990, and I think I’ve cracked it (in film speak – I’ve broke it). Here’s the pitch:
Film Title: SATURDAY NIGHT LIVES
Opening Scene: It’s 1:01am on Sunday, just after an episode of SNL has finished taping. Everyone is congratulating each other and the guests on a great show.
Seth Meyers stands off on the side, alone, ignored. In this reality, Seth Meyers is the character he plays for Weekend Update – his real name (in the film) is Geth Pliers. Current cast members pass by Geth as he tries to make a joke (“We’re only live on Saturday Night for a half hour. We should change it to Some Saturday Night and Some Sunday Morning Live.”), but no one interacts with him.
He retires to his office (which is stall in a restroom) and is happy to find that he’s finally received a response from a woman named Standra Dee Light (Cecily Strong) on a dating website. He takes to the hallways in excitement and runs into Bobby Moynihan and Kenan Thompson on their way to the after-party. They tell Geth that she’s probably a fake and that he’s getting catfished. Geth plans to meet Standra that night at an apartment party anyway.
The Setup: Meanwhile, on the top of buildings across the city, cell phone towers begin exploding, and inter-dimensional beings called Vitargs emerge through a portal. The first few through immediately discover they’re repulsed by our gravity and fly up into the air. The next wave realizes they must grab things on the roof to stay grounded. They then embark upon entering the buildings through the rooftop entrances. Once inside, they suck out the souls of the rich people in the people in the penthouses, and then they are able to use our gravity. (Insert jokes about rich people having souls and eating the rich.)
The Main Story: It’s a cameo-laden comedy in the guise of a disaster/invasion movie spoof (think: Cloverfield). As Geth takes to the streets to find the one person with which he’s made a connection, he must navigate the crowds of people freaking out because: 1)there’s an alien invasion and 2) there’s no cell phone reception! (Not necessarily in that order, either.)
He finds help in the form of Weekend Update guests like Stefon (Bill Hader) and his Drunk Uncle (Bobby Moynihan). Stefon leads him through the underground club scene which features actual Internet Trolls and literal Catfish behind computers (and maybe Coneheads).
In the end, Standra is indeed whom she claimed to be (The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation with at a Party), and Geth finds true love, the respect of his coworkers, and true friends, all while saving the day.
In a post credit sequence, we learn where Greg (Bill Hader) came from prior to co-hosting Game Time with Dave and Greg:
Oh, you don’t? I thought she was… and he was… oh, never mind.
So this happened at the University of Oregon…
For the record, it doesn’t look fun or funny. But if someone was playing Winter Wonderland on a boombox… (daydreams… considers mixing the Youtube video)… no, still not funny.
*The school’s team is the Ducks, in case you were pundering.
I would have sworn that Amazon was not new to the TripleDoubleU, but apparently hiding in their warehouses, there isn’t a single pervert to be found.
Scratch that. That’s exactly where they’re to be found.
It’s the head honchos and the hardware and software developers that didn’t think this Mayday Button through:
Haven’t they ever heard (even a whisper) of ChatRoulette? Those poor workers at Kindle support are in for a surprise. But then again, maybe pervs don’t own Kindles. Hopefully that doesn’t turn out to mean:
NOT OWNING KINDLE = PERVERT
Because then I’d need to go buy a Kindle. But if I bought a Kindle now, after having this idea, I’d look like a perv. Maybe I’ll just FaceTime a stranger for their openis– er, opinion!
I know this is everywhere so why not here!
Last night was the first time I ever watched Fox’s ADHD (Animation Domination High Definition, I think). This was the opening:
I was blown away. It was succinct. It captured the week’s pop culture highlights. Including a potential SPOILER.
But I was extremely drunk. My Detroit Tigers had almost completed a post-season no-hitter against the Boston Red Sox, which was also a 1-0 victory. I honestly had to have had almost (if not exactly) ten Blue Moons.
So is this brilliant? Click each day for the relating link:
- Sunday – Miley vs. Sinead via Saturday Night Live controversy (remember when Sinead was shocking?)
- Monday – I don’t know who the king is behind the kingpin, but Norm Macdonald started the theory
- Tuesday – Well, this one is straight-forward
- Wednesday – It’s sad when besties beef
- Thursday – I’m not sure why ScarJo becomes a witch… Halloween reference?
- Friday – This is simply depressing
Let me know what you think in the comments. I’ll be at the bar.