Ice cream treats and traffic jams and cute girls shouldn’t automatically make me think of dirty things, but I’m afraid my poor subconscious is beyond tainted. It’s so tainted I can barely type the word tainted and not be derailed by horrible mental images. Dear sweet Rachel Bilson, this is not the first time your visage has been intertwined with potentially distasteful acts on this site, but I do hope it is the last… unless it’s actually about you being intertwined with potentially distasteful acts.
(SIDENOTE: If that commercial seemed foreign to you – foreign as in from over there – it’s probably because it likely is.)
Is it so wrong that I want to stuff you in my mouth?
To begin, turkey has somehow become the big brother of Thanksgiving feasts (ham is the little brother). I’m sure there’s a very good folk tale/reason why turkeys have taken the head spot despite having no head, but I don’t really feel like looking into it.
(Okay, I did look into it, but it’s a little boring. It involves some queen of England eating a goose and the Pilgrims finding turkeys in America easier… blah, blah, blah. I did learn that wild turkeys can run up to 55 miles an hour, though.)
If there could be a middle brother, though, allow me to suggest this – hard salami.
You may wonder, “Why hard salami?” I say, “Because.” If you’re lucky to already have hard salami as a part of your holiday meal, then you can stop reading. For those that don’t understand… here is my back up response to because:
- Even though it thinks it’s hard, it’ s really easy.
- It’s like giant pepperonis, but better. (And I sure love me some pepperoni.)
- I don’t know what they put in it, and I don’t want to know. It keeps it mysterious.
- I could eat it every single day, even if faced against something from Taco Bell. (Only if either item was free, though. If I had to pay, I’m sure the Taco Bell would be cheaper and thus win.)
- It’s great with mozzarella on a plain bagel. Trust me.
- I bet it would be Jack Bauer’s favorite food.
(SIDENOTE: When Google image searching “hard salami,” I was afraid of what might come up. The following was a pleasant surprise.)
Rachel Bilson... hard salami...too easy.