Did He Just Say James “Siberius” Kirk? Don’t They Do More Than One Take?

Vodpod videos no longer available.Seeing as how I was supposed to get to see this preview attached to “Quantum of Solace” this past weekend, and seeing as how I didn’t get to see said preview for some quantum of a reason, I present it to you here.  Y’know, in case you didn’t get to see it too.  (It’s the new “Star Trek” movie, dummy!)

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Man, I seriously wanted some James (Bond) on James (Kirk) action!  O&BTW – the flick looks beautiful. 

No, no, don’t kick me in the nards for saying that! Uumph! (keels over)

(via Buzz Cuts)

Empire To Strike Back Against Returning Jedi In Cage Match

If you ask any self-respecting “Star Wars” fan (they do exist) what their favorite film is in the trilogy, they’ll most often respond, “Empire Strikes Back.”  (There’s no need to say original trilogy because the other three flicks don’t exist – how’s that for denial?)

I used to say “Return of the Jedi,” because I was eight, and I liked the Ewoks.  But as the real-life encroached upon me like Vader’s Star Destroyer over the Tantive IV (I’ve said too much), the cynicism and hopelessness of the second film connected with me… even though I still like the Ewoks (I’ve really said too much).

Sci-fi heavy website, io9, has complied a list of the Five Major Flaws in Episode V (And How to Fix Them).  Many of the issues have the same solution, as in what follows:

The bounty hunters should have fought each other in a Bloodsport-style tournament. All those awesome characters, and all George Lucas can give us is the non-canon Tales of the Bounty Hunters, which is in book form, making it very hard to imagine how everything that happens looks. In ESB, we see Bossk sneer at Boba Fett—and that’s it. That breaks one of the cardinal rules in Robert McKee’s Story: If one character sneers at another and they don’t throw down later, the movie is ruined.
     The fix:“You are free to use any methods necessary,” Vader says, “but I want them alive. No disintegrations.”
     “As you wish,” Fett answers. He looks at the other bounty hunters. “Not that you crumbheads will have to worry about finding them anyway.”
     Dengar bristles. “Who are you calling a crumbhead?” [Note: “Crumbhead” is a total Corellian insult.] He steps to Fett.
     “Watch it,” Fett says. “My dad killed most of the Jedi.”
     There is silence. Finally, IG-88 says, “That’s quite a stretch.”
     “Enough!” Vader yells. “We will settle this in the cage.”

Check it out for some interesting complaints.  Otherwise, we’ll have to settle this… in the cage.

Lindsay’n Ya Later, Samantha!

She's the DJ, I'm the Twister

She's the DJ, I'm the Rapper (named Twista)


Natural disaster and “Mean Girls” actress, Lindsay Lohan, is about to one up the title of the film that made her a star-on-the-verge-of-something-more.  You know… she’ll be the Meanest Girl.

Samantha Ronson, the DJ-on-the-vag-of-someone-more-famous, has expressed her desire to marry the love of her life, LiLo.

But as all the tabs and blogs have said all along (not verbatim) – you can take the penis out of the white trash, but you really can’t.

From IMDB (b/c I couldn’t find it on NotW):

A source tells British newspaper the News of the World, “Linds is on the brink because Sam won’t leave her side. Whenever she does, Lindsay’s on the phone telling her mates she’s decided she’s not a lesbian.

“Of course she still has feelings for Sam – but she also feels like she has to escape.”

Currently going down in Lindsay’s leggings (from her 6126 clothing line, duh!):

Vagina: L, I’m lonely.
Lindsay: Whatever do you mean?  Sammy’s always been good to you.
Vagina: But L, she’s not enough.
Lindsay: Sammy knows you inside and out.  She understands you and takes care of you.
Vagina: I know…
Lindsay: What’s the problem then?
Anus: Okay, you got me!  It’s not the Vagina, all right!  You know Sammy’s disgusted by me.  But the boys… the boys are really into me…
Lindsay: You’re right.  You win.  You should have told me it was you all along.
Anus: Amen to that, sister!  Emphasis on men.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.