Rush Hour Of The Jedi

To follow up my Brett Ratner rant on this Election Night, I thought I might present something that, um, could very well be perceived as un-PC (and I don’t mean Mac, Justin Long!)

Although the dialogue track is lifted from “Rush Hour,” to find it edited into “Return of the Jedi” – it makes it actually pretty funny.

OMBR! (Oh My Brett Ratner!)

The genius that is Brett Ratner – I’m not even smart enough to find the words.  His originality is unmatched; his levels of depth unfathomable.  (Ha! A pun!)  He is the answer to our unanswerable prayers.

Oh, yeah… Did I forget to mention today is Opposite Day?  (Except when it comes to voting… It’s so Opposite Day that it’s NOT Opposite Day… whoa, deep…)

Now grant it, Heidi Klum is one helluva new addition to America’s citizenship ranks, but Brettcrack was paid beaucoup bucks to brand Guitar Hero, as if the popular game needed help.  (FYI: he came up with the name “World Tour” – he’s like a the fucking Stephen Hawking of pop culture!)

This is technically the fourth video that’s exactly the same… much like his “Rush Hour” movies.  Click here for the athletes version and here for the American Idols commercials.

God, he infuriates me.  But perhaps he’s worth what he’s paid… look at all the attention I’m giving him.

BONUS: Now with a fifth commercial (Director’s Cut)!  It must have been difficult to get a German underwear model to dance in next to nothing… I don’t know how Brettcrack does it.

Happy Find… And They All Fall (Out Boy) Down

Last Friday, here in Detroit, Fall Out Boy broke the world record for most radio interviews by a pair in 24 hrs.  Their 58th call to 89X was the one that pushed them over.

So that got me thinking… how many other stupid records are out there?  Over the Halloween weekend, I visited my sister, Becky, in Chicago.  On the ride there, my cousin, Steve, and I got into a discussion about “Seinfeld,”  which inevitably lead to bringing up baked bean teeth.

All those chairs... and rope lights! Yum!

All those chairs... and rope lights! Yum!

Comme des hors d oeuvres

Comme des hors d oeuvres

Steve said he once knew of a man who had bean teeth, and he and his friends swore the man could eat a plane.  I didn’t get it, but he said some guy was in Guinness for eating an airplane, and he had bean teeth.  He said it took four months (in actuality, it took two years), but I was super-impressed because I pictured a 747 (in actuality, it was a Cessna 150).

Anywingsandall, my thirst to find more dumb things people will do to set a record intensified.  I planned to scour the web for hours or days (hey, maybe I could set that record), but then I found video of this.  

And that should do it for me.  This is why the only things people should try to break are accompanied by crashing sounds. 

(If you want to, you can check more stuff out here.)

In My Brain While Sleeping… Product Placement

Richard Chamberlain

Not pictured: Richard Chamberlain... Pictured: floating child head

In a high rise, um, high above Gotham, Bruce Wayne and I were speaking with a third party about investing in the future.

“Stride bubblegum,” Bruce began.  “It’s the taste of the future.”

“And the future is now,” I added.

Bubblegum was growing in petri dishes, and our guest wasn’t sold.  As it turned out, he didn’t have the funds to cover such an investment.  That’s when I pulled out a Capital One credit card.

“It’s the credit card of the future,” Bruce uttered without further prompting.

I merely nodded this time.  As our potential business partner contemplated his next move, an alram sounded through the city (I guess the bat signal wasn’t enough.)  Bruce excused himself.

Soon, there was a giant Shogun Warrior (by Mattel) roaming Gotham’s streets.  I wondered, “How will Batman defeat this monstrosity?”

With a Bat Gundam of course.  (This could happen.  Check here.)

BONUS: Halloween advice from a dream over the weekend – if you want to make a bowl of M&M’s last longer, try cutting them all in half.

INGREDIENTS: Ten hours of surfing the 3x2xU since I was out of town all weekend, coupled with a GladWare storage container full of five-day old Kraft spaghetti.