Happy Thanks (For Starting This Great Idea) Giving!

Somewhere in this world (probably Los Angeles, and not because of City of Angels) an angel earned its wings. If this could become a trend by Christmas, I will be looking forward to waiting in line at the airport.   NBC News in L.A, take it off away:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I Am Thankful For… Short Weeks!

You gotta hand it to this guy:

Hi five!

Here is the logical reason why:

  • If not for turkeys, we would not have Thanksgiving dinners.
  • Without Thanksgiving dinners, we would not have Thanksgiving day parades and football games to kill time waiting for the food to be ready.
  • Without Thanksgiving day parades and football games, people would not have to skip work.
  • Since so many people would skip work anyway, it became a national holiday so everybody could not work!

Huzzah for having the fourth Thursday of every November off!

We also have to celebrate these idiots:

Overheard by someone in line - "I heard they're selling Ramen noodles for a quarter!"

For anyone not working in retail, these freaks make Friday an easy day to take off as well.

Long weekend, here I come!

 

 

I Am Thankful For… Detroit 1-8-7

Let me begin by saying that although I do enjoy the show, Detroit 1-8-7 is not Detroit enough for me.  Like the misnomer in the title (187 is the California penal code for “murder,” not Detroit’s), it’s a lighter look at this shitty city.  It’s the equivalent to calling Detroit a doo-doo city.

Nonetheless, I’m happy for what it’s doing for the local community.  It’s work.  It’s a beacon of hope.  And it co-stars Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

(Pssst! It means she lives here!)

(Pssst! Put her in the show more so she stays here!!!1!!!ONE!)

I Am Thankful For… Victoria’s Former Secret, Candice Swanepoel

As I sit and watch my Detroit Lions blow their chance to obliterate the Dallas Cowboys (and former Lions quarterback, John Kitna) and walk away with the better record of 3-7 vs. 2-8, I’ve decided to discover and uncover the beauty that is Candice Swanepoel.

It took me a little while to figure who she was after seeing her in a Victoria’s Secret commercial, and I’ve done it!  Unlike the Lions (they didn’t do it)…

To erase the loss from my memory, here’s Candice in a cowgirl costume:

Yee-haw!

 

The rest is pure bonus:

 

She may not be a lioness, but she's close...

The Lions will be flying home for another game on Thanksgiving!

Here's to hoping they can clean up their own mess. I, on the other hand, could use Ms. Swanepoel's help.

BONUS! BONUS! VIDEO!

 

(more costumed Candice’s here)

I Am Thankful For… Not Living In Russia

I recently had a discussion with my mother about our family’s heritage, and I always thought I was 75% Polish, 12.5% Ukranian, 6.25% Lithuanian, and 6.25% Russian.  Turns out, she doesn’t think that we are part-Russian at all.  I’ve been saying that all my life, and I don’t think I made that up, but that’s neither here nor over there… which thankfully, I’m not.

I’m sure there are plenty more reasons not to want to live in Russia.  I’m basing it solely on the brashness of their rodents.

Check ’em out:

I Am Thankful For… The Ultimate Alternative To Turkey

Thanksgiving is upon us, and so it is time to begin to list the things I Am Thankful For… and I shall start with this:

Surprisingly Affordable

So I bet you’re all wondering:

Is it real?

And if you’re asking that, you might have wanted to lead up to that question with this one:

Are unicorns real?

But the long and the short of it is… it is real.

I Am Thankful For… Pink Hair

Today is the day before the big T-Day, and what better way to celebrate than by thanking the universe for pink hair.  (I was going to sing the praises of open soda fountains in fast food joints, but faint rouge follicles FTW.)

It doesn’t matter if the puce  a wig, dyed, or animated, pink is a winner.  Now presenting three solid examples:

jillwagner_jem

Also known as The Mercury Girl (click image for commercial), Jill Wagner gets the mercury rising.

natalie_portman_closer

Natalie Portman is Closer to a rapper than the singer Pink ever was (click image for proof).

Erin+Esurance

My insurance policy on how much pink hair rules (click image for more thoughts on Erin Esurance).

Not a chance this is better than pink hair (but if there happened to be Mountain Dew)...

 

I Am Thankful For… CatsForGold.com

It’s that time of year again.  Parades.  Turkey.  Gravy.  Mashed potatoes.  Drinking.  Fighting.  Sleeping.  Buying.  And above all else… thanking (as Joey on Friends would say, “Supposably“).

So here I am ready to kick off a weeks worth of giving just that.  Today, I’d like to say thanks for the existence of CatsForGold.com.

Sounds like a deal to me! If only all pets could be mailed...

I love getting things in the mail and for once the mail will love me back!  All I need to do is find some gold lying around… here’s my class ring my mother told me I wouldn’t want later in life (moms know everything!), and here’s a pocket watch that’s on a gold-plated chain… I think there’s some gold in this pen…

Plop into the CatsForGold envelope, and plop into the big blue box!  I wonder what Cat-tankerous (his name) will look like.  The bottom bar has already been set…

He looks cantankerous...

Drunken Recollection… Things Learned Over Thanksgiving Weekend

Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone, as has all the turkey (et. al.) through me.  With this in mind, I shall impart onto you the various things that I learned over the past four days.

1) There is something called The Amazing Plant Lamp.  As the website proclaims:

The only lamp of its kind where you quickly touch the live plant to turn it on and off or hold a leaf and it works as a dimmer.

Ain’t that the bees knees!  Just stick the Amazing Plant Lamp kit in any plant and voila!

2) Raisins are forcibly put into too many things, like cinnamon bread and puddings.  I usually don’t eat any of these foods anyway, but I can relate because of how common it is for bakers to put nuts in fudge brownies (that could be taken out of context)!  Enough!  I want choices!

(SIDE NOTE: I used to like Fig Newtons as a kid because I thought it was some kind of weird tasting chocolate.  Then I learned and thus hated them.)

3) Chocotinis have zero alcohol content, despite what anyone else might claim.  My sister was pulled over for having non-working turn signals.  She was nervous and forgot her alphabet.  The cop made her do the random balance tests and the such, then he gave her a Breathalyzer test.  She blew zero.  Case closed!

4) You can break the bottom off a beer bottle with water and a hand slap.  Basically, take an empty bottle (in this case, it was Coors Light), fill it halfway with water, hold the neck in one hand, and slam the palm of your other hand on the bottle’s mouth.  The bottom drops out from the instant air pressure, I guess.  Apparently, beer has more shock absorption.

5) My cousin Steve might be a diabolical genius.  In discussing the biggest insults one man could make against another (backhanding was #3… spitting in face was #2… we didn’t go beyond what’s to follow), he declared the greatest coup, the most humiliating attack, the most degrading defeat, the biggest insult to be ever perpetrated in the world would be this – to tickle a man in front of his family.  Right in front of his wife, his children, and his dog.  Tickled to the point of tears and uncontrollable laughter.  It’s guaranteed that after the giggles were through, he’d pack up his things and walk out the door, not saying a word, not making any eye contact, swearing to himself to never return again, and all this would be understood.  Out of humiliation he’d still support the family, though thousands of miles away.  And his family could become your family.

6) As a kid, I watched WXYZ Channel 7 way more than I realized, because they had a special on about their past 60 years, and I got choked up.  Stupid nostalgia…

7) I would put that the Detroit Lions suck, but I already knew that.

I Am Thankful For… Beer

Me wantee

Me wantee

What color would my urine be?

What color would my urine be?

It is Thanksgiving and what better day to give thanks to the greatest gift of all… beer.  And not just any beer – all beers (which I guess technically is any beer… no, any is not all-inclusive… you almost got me, inner dialogue… but doesn’t dialogue suggests two… do I have two voices in my head?)

Anyhasenfefferincorporated, back to the beer.  I was thinking about my early days of drinking, and how my initial inclination toward “better tasting drinks” shifted toward “cheaper drinks.”

In the early Canada/Impress-Hooters-Waitresses phase, I was all about Labatt Blue.  As I immatured, the pocketbook gave way to Bud Light.  (“So you’re telling me Labatt’s a buck more because it’s imported?  From Canada?  Which is next door to Detroit?”)  Then as my friends’ digestive systems could no longer tolerate BL, we’ve since moved onto Miller Lite.  (I’m a stalwart trailblazer that bucks the trends and divines my own path!)

Truth is, my beer is whatever’s on special that night.  Corona, American Ale, PBR, Michelob, Coors – no pickiness here.  It’s probably the only thing I’m not picky about, and for that I’m the most thankful of all.

Me

I don't know these people, but I do know their passion... no, not for each other... ah, forget it