For some people, getting recognized at any local establishment might be embarrassing. For me, it’s something I strive for. I like being a regular. I enjoy the “Norm”-factor. On the bar scene, it’s great. At a Taco Bell? I might have to admit that I have a spicy meat and waxy cheese problem.
It occurred this past week when I got to the window. The attendant remembered me and joked that my soda had “extra ice, just how you like it.” Simply because I always order a #8 soft shell with a Mt. Dew no ice, and I have my four dollars and two cents in exact change, that doesn’t make me an addict. And even if it does, it’s not my fault. It’s because all those other asshole places don’t have as winning a strategy as my beloved Taco Bell.
- First off: very few joints have my Spruce Juice. It’s a Pepsi product, and since Coke is uber-global, the only other place I can Do the Dew is at KFC or Quizno’s.
- Second off: it’s a matter of price. If I don’t go the soda route at the drive-thru (because I’m already packing), how can you beat $2.52 for a meal? Well, except for a double dose of Mickey D’s double-cheeseburgers. (Really, they should be cheese doubleburgers, right?) Still, a meal and a drink for $4.02? Zno’s and KuFCa are like MC Hammer in that “They do want they wanna do, say what they wanna say, live how they wanna live, play how they wanna play, dance how they wanna dance, kick and they slap a friend…” (Oh! You thought it was going to be “They can’t touch this!” That would have been better.)
- Third off (a.k.a. the Bra-Layer, whereas the first would be shirt, and the second would be pants): the meat is a crap shoot. Wait – that sounds terrible. What I mean is, sometimes you might get jacked on the amount of beef or cheese you get, and sometimes you get hooked the f up. It mixes gambling and eating and I like it!
All in all, I’m down with TB. And I don’t care if I’m a regular. I’ll be happy if it wins the “Franchise Wars.” Now if you’ll excuse me – I just finished eating some Grande Soft Tacos and I have to go poop.