In the middle of the night, a strange cough – that sounded distinctly male – startled me awake. I was passed out in a queen-size bed with my cousin Steve. We were in a hotel in New York City recovering from a long day of travelling and a longer night of drinking.
…And we were each wearing a Snuggie.
THE EMPIRE SNUGGIES BACK
The pub crawl on which the trip was focused was starting at noon. It was ten when we started moving. Steve kept mentioning how well he felt; I kept quiet about how much I was not. We had set our sights on getting back to East Village by noon, but our first mission was to stop at the store to buy a vital item.
Steve called them safety pins; I referred to them as diaper pins. Steve thought we could find them at Staples; I thought that was funny. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if they were still made. Was there a need for diaper pins anymore? (Safety pins? Maybe.) And why did we need them? We each had grown fond of our Snuggies and didn’t want to ruin them. (Oh, and we ended up finding some at Walgreen’s. They weren’t by the baby supplies, but amazingly, condoms were. Hmm.)
We had a plan to carry the three Snuggies we possessed in a backpack, and to don them as required (the third was Mike’s – another friend that was coming in from DC for his birthday). It was New York though, and we probably could have worn them the entire way from Midtown, but… well, I don’t have a clever excuse. I guess we weren’t 100% convinced the Snuggie Pub Crawl was real, and didn’t want to be left out in the cold heat (it was such a nice day… 70+ degrees).
Our first stop was the sign-up location. We had purchased four tickets in advance (even though we thought it might not be real we used credit card information on the web… go figure), and on the train ride over, Steve verified the first bar stop on those four tickets. When we arrived at the sign-up, Steve checked his pockets.
“I have some bad news.” Apparently, somewhere between checking them on the subway and walking to this bar, the printed up sheets fell out and blew away. We weighed our options. We thought of alternatives. They guy told us we needed tickets, and we didn’t want to have to purchase them again. Luckily, he accepted viewing the receipts on my iPhone, gave us four tickets and four cups (Tim from Episode IV would be also joining us), and we arrived at our first official spot:
Bar None: The Fun Begins
Now properly attired in our blankets with sleeves and with full crew in tow, the drinking began. The three of them were off in a mad dash, but I was limping. Mike put it best:
The days that start off slow very often end in a hurry.
Now I’ll let some pictures do the talking.
Needless to say – some drinks were poured, some drinks were spilled, some conversation was had, and the Yankees got blown out by the Indians! All-in-all, the crawl was a success. But the night was not yet finished…
Over the course of the day, I had received information about a secret place. The specifications were these:
- It was a hot dog joint in Manhattan.
- This hot dog joint had a “secret bar” located within it.
- To access this “secret bar” you had to enter a phone booth and pick up the receiver to enter.
- The location I was texted stated: 113 St Marks Pl
Here’s where my hubris caused an issue (and maybe drinking… maybe). I thought I understood the lay the island, and I took the location to mean “113 St. @ Marks Place”… not what it said. And the little torn brochure map I carried with me cut off around 110 St. at the the top, so how could I be wrong? Birthday boy Mike passed out at Tim’s place (near East Village), and Steve, Tim, and I made our drunken way out to the fictional 113 St. and Marks Place.
The taxi driver didn’t even correct us, and brought us to 113 St. and Broadway, way up on the west end. As I approached the waterfront, I stumbled into a closing bakery.
“Excuse me, do you know where Marks Place is?”
The confused baker answered, “He probably lives down by the river.”
As we brewed and stewed and reviewed my mistake, something caught my eye down the road. It wasn’t a wasted trip after all! This is where we had a late night burger before returning to home base (to pass out in our dirty Snuggies in a queen-size bed):
"Doo doo doo doo, doo doo-doo-doo..." - Suzanne Vega / "Tippy toes, tippy toes, tippy toes!" - George Costanza