This is only my third In Defense Of post, so I haven’t fully developed my method of argument.  But wait.  I don’t really have a method for anything on this site.  Moving on…

This time I want to come to Ashton Kutcher’s defense.  Is he in need of arguments for him?  Are you really asking that?

Dude, you're not helping.

REASONS WHY PEOPLE HATE DON’T LIKE HIM

1. Punk’d. He introduced not only this show, but this word, into the lexicon.  Kiss “Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!” goodbye forever.
2. He made shitty movies.  Where to begin.  Um, Just Married, My Boss’s Daughter, Guess Who, A Lot Like Love, The Guardian, What Happens in Vegas, Spread, Valentine’s Day, and Killers.
3. He’s replacing Charlie Sheen on “Two and a Half Men”.  It’s not so much that he’s replacing Charlie Sheen… it’s that he’s helping Two and a Half Men stay on the air!

REASONS WHY I’M DEFENDING HIM

1. He was great as Kelso on “That 70’s Show”.  In character, he once deadpanned this line to Jackie (Mila Kunis), in regard to jellybeans: “I ate all the white ones ’cause I know you don’t like things that taste white!”  Classic.
2. He made some enjoyable movies.  Love ’em or leave ’em, I really liked Dude, Where’s My Car! and the director’s cut of The Butterfly Effect.  Dude, he strangled himself with an umbilical cord in the womb!
3. He’s produced some enjoyable TV.  I wish I would have watched more of Beauty and the Geek, I’m sad there weren’t more episodes of Miss Guided, and I hope there’s another season of True Beauty.
4. He’s married to Demi Moore.  Sure, she doesn’t look like (click here) anymore, but still…
5. This guy doesn’t seem to mind him, and that’s all right by me:

Or they like to smile when they fight. Either way.

So in closing, that’s five good reasons to defend him, over three reasons to hate on him.  As one of the original Two Men once said over and over and over again, “Winning!”