All I Want For Christmas Is… Heidi Montag To Get Divorced… I Think

Is this what Nickelodeon meant by salute your shorts?
Here’s the sitch…

There once was a girl back in high school that straight-up annoyed the piss out of me.  She was in a handful of classes, she was on pom, and again – her voice, her slouch, and her demeanor grated on me.  So of course I developed a crush on her.  Call it “thin line between love and hate”… I call it dysfunctional.  And I’m afraid the same thing is happening with Heidi Montag… I think.  It’s all so confusing this thing called love lust indifference love.

Let me say this: I-should-not-know-who-this-person-is.  I should not know the names Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge (when she has NSFW pix like this and this it’s hard not to), and Spencer Pratt because I do not watch MTV.  I am not “The Hills” target audience, yet I read blogs with similar sentiments about the cast and show, and lo and behold – I’m savvy.

Why do you taunt me?

Is this how she sleeps? Uncomfortable...

So I guess what I’m asking Santa for a divorce proceeding between my dear sweet Heidi and that douchenozzle, Spencer.  By the time the paperwork’s filed, I may no longer want to be with her, but at least she’ll be available if I change my mind.  Bonus: she’ll be free of the douchenozzle.

P.S. Does she do anything other than hang out in a bikini?  The answer is yes – she sings in a bikini, too.

(SIDENOTE: Heidi, I could have directed a video at least TWICE as good as your boy did.)


  1. sandysays1 · December 19, 2008

    A visit to your site tis always fun. While I’m not a good judge of human females, my human claims to be. He agrees she definitely merits a place in the “Short Arm Salute Hall-of-Fame.”

  2. Pingback: Breaking News (If You Care)! Heidi Montag Expecting (If You Can Believe Her Twitter Page) « monkeyBLOGmonkeyDO - This banana’s outta ink!

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