Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone, as has all the turkey (et. al.) through me. With this in mind, I shall impart onto you the various things that I learned over the past four days.
1) There is something called The Amazing Plant Lamp. As the website proclaims:
The only lamp of its kind where you quickly touch the live plant to turn it on and off or hold a leaf and it works as a dimmer.
Ain’t that the bees knees! Just stick the Amazing Plant Lamp kit in any plant and voila!
2) Raisins are forcibly put into too many things, like cinnamon bread and puddings. I usually don’t eat any of these foods anyway, but I can relate because of how common it is for bakers to put nuts in fudge brownies (that could be taken out of context)! Enough! I want choices!
(SIDE NOTE: I used to like Fig Newtons as a kid because I thought it was some kind of weird tasting chocolate. Then I learned and thus hated them.)
3) Chocotinis have zero alcohol content, despite what anyone else might claim. My sister was pulled over for having non-working turn signals. She was nervous and forgot her alphabet. The cop made her do the random balance tests and the such, then he gave her a Breathalyzer test. She blew zero. Case closed!
4) You can break the bottom off a beer bottle with water and a hand slap. Basically, take an empty bottle (in this case, it was Coors Light), fill it halfway with water, hold the neck in one hand, and slam the palm of your other hand on the bottle’s mouth. The bottom drops out from the instant air pressure, I guess. Apparently, beer has more shock absorption.
5) My cousin Steve might be a diabolical genius. In discussing the biggest insults one man could make against another (backhanding was #3… spitting in face was #2… we didn’t go beyond what’s to follow), he declared the greatest coup, the most humiliating attack, the most degrading defeat, the biggest insult to be ever perpetrated in the world would be this – to tickle a man in front of his family. Right in front of his wife, his children, and his dog. Tickled to the point of tears and uncontrollable laughter. It’s guaranteed that after the giggles were through, he’d pack up his things and walk out the door, not saying a word, not making any eye contact, swearing to himself to never return again, and all this would be understood. Out of humiliation he’d still support the family, though thousands of miles away. And his family could become your family.
6) As a kid, I watched WXYZ Channel 7 way more than I realized, because they had a special on about their past 60 years, and I got choked up. Stupid nostalgia…
7) I would put that the Detroit Lions suck, but I already knew that.