All I Want For Christmas Is… Parker Lewis Can’t Lose On DVD

I guess he can lose.

I guess he can lose.

What.  The.  Fahrvergnugen.  Why isn’t “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose” on official DVD yet.  There are bootlegs aplenty, but I’m waiting for a Shout! Factory version or for Sony to pony up and put out.

For those of you that don’t remember this show, or never heard of it at all, the breakdown is this: it’s a rip-off an homage based on similar to “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Parker Lewis was played by the guy who played Jonas Quinn in “Stargate SG-1″… no, you don’t know?  How about the guy in “RoboDoc?”  Um… his name is Corin Nemec (which sounds made up – an anagram of Icemen Corn?), and he’s been here and there through the years, but nothing quite as loud-shirted as he was on this show.  (I forgot that’s why I had so many polyester button-downs in high school.)

He was the guy who had all the plans for getting away with any scheme rated PG, which he commonly preceded with the phrase, “Not a problem.”

His best bud was rocker Mikey Randall.  He was played by the kid who played Blanche’s wayward nephew in an early “Golden Girls” episode.  Not helping?  He also had a recurring role on “Silver Spoons.”  His real name is Billy Jayne.  He played a coach on one episode of “The Bernie Mac Show” if that triggers any memories.  See, that’s why this needs to be on DVD.

The only other faces you may recognize are Principal Grace Musso.  She was played by Melanie Chartoff who was on “Get a Life” with Chris Elliott.  Um, that’s not on DVD either.

Okay… the big guy on campus, Larry Kubiak, was played by the guy who played the, um, big guy in “ER.”  His name is Abraham Benrubi.

Howzabout Parker’s little sister Sherry?  Maia Brewton was also in “Adventures in Babysitting.”  Remember?  She liked Thor?  Hilarious!

Okay, maybe Parker Lewis didn’t make much of a cultural impact, but it certainly was a product of its time.  Is it too much to ask for it to simply be a product?

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JusWondering… Government And Its Euphemisms

Welcome to the United States of America.  Are we states united?  Last time I checked there was a whole bunch of Blue States and a whole bunch of Red States, and together these states sure don’t make Purple.  But it’s where we live, for better or worse, for sicker and poorer.

I just think it’s time we got a couple new euphemisms from the guys and gals in charge.

Here’s a few Classics:

  • When America Invades a Country = Pre-Emptive War
  • Project Scare Americans = Terror Alert Chart
  • We Have No Idea Who We’re Fighting = War on Terror
  • We Want To Spy on Everybody = Patriot Act
  • Shut Everybody Up About the Poor Education in this Country = No Child Left Behind

Here’s a few Modern Classics:

  • Man, is it Getting Hot or What? = Global Warming
  • Wannabe Hippie = Going Green
  • Perpetual Pipe Dream = Universal Health Care

And no doubt, here’s some Future ones as well:

  • $700-billion Bailout = Troubled Assets Recovery Program
  • Tax on the Rich = Investment in Middle America
  • Abortion Clinics = Instant Angel Factories (?)