Here’s a tip for all you last minute shoppers:
If you want to get some help at the store, don’t get angry with the sales people and call them an asshole, asshat (my new favorite epithet by the way), fuck face, piece of shit, heartless bastard fuck, fuckup, fucking loser, or ne’er-do-well cocksucker.
Get angry and call the sales associate this: Scroogeman. Apparently it works. (My aunt was the mastermind behind this – it made the worker do a 180.)
My theory on why this is effective is because people get called derogatory terms all year ’round. Saying Scroogeman drudges up a coded history of bah-humbuggery and it implies that you are seeking out being a bastard. It may not be full-proof because some people go out of their way to be jerks, but most people working in retail probably have a weak-spot for the Dickens’ classic.
So try it… or not. See if I care. Merry Christmas, asshats!