Happy Thanks (For Starting This Great Idea) Giving!

Somewhere in this world (probably Los Angeles, and not because of City of Angels) an angel earned its wings. If this could become a trend by Christmas, I will be looking forward to waiting in line at the airport.   NBC News in L.A, take it off away:

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Hibbidy-Wah?! Olivia Was Munn-derful?!

It’s looking like the end of an era for G4’s Attack of the Show.  The (Self-Proclaimed?) Mayor of G4, Kevin Pereira, is probably going to be losing his co-host, Olivia Munn, officially to The Daily Show.

I am of course basing this on the fact that AOTS films in LA, while TDS films in NYC… and there’s the fact of the matter that she makes a pretty good correspondent:

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My suggestion for Olivia’s replacement:

She could handle three shows, right?

The lovely and lilting Alison Brie has already charmed my heart, and when she’s been on AOTS in the past, she’s gotten along swimmingly with Kevin.

And speaking of swimming(ly), here she is in a bikini:

I wonder if I'd feel the same about Brie cheese?

Happy Find… Jimmy Fallon’s “7th Floor West”

Tonight is the sixth season premiere of The Hills, and I hate to admit this but the show fascinates me.

It’s not like a car wreck or guilty pleasure kind of thing… The best analogy I can think of is that it’s hypnotic like a campfire.

You watch the flames move around without rhyme, reason, or purpose, sucking in the oxygen, destroying that from which it springs.  When two logs strike each other, sparks fly.  It makes you feel warm and fuzzy because you know you’re safe, and far from burning in the random pointlessness of the hot embers.  You enjoy marshmallows on chocolate in between graham crackers.

That’s exactly what watching The Hills is like.

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more about “Hulu – Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: …“, posted with vodpod

And that’s the very essence that Late Night With Jimmy Fallon captures in their spoof series, 7th Floor West.  So grab some mini marshmallows and a box of Teddy Grahams and click the image to link to the campyfire that is Jimmy Fallon’s 7th Floor West (all the episodes):

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

Pre-Drunken Recollection… Strange Things Are Afoot At Target

"You had me at logo"

"You had me at logo"

On a mission to get some essentials post-soccer and pre-impromptu bar session, I stopped into the Target I used to work at AKA the Center of My Universe.  Here’s a breakdown of all things odd that occurred in a very short visit:

  • Being adorned in leftover soccer attire, I entered the store and found a young lady that appeared to be wearing full soccer attire.  I witnessed a too tight yellow t-shirt, way too small black biker shorts, and sock covered shin guards black faux leather boots to her knees.  Her mother was with her and didn’t stop her from leaving the house.  This was just the beginning.
  • I ran into my cousins’ aunt and uncle and they warned me about someone they had passed that I was about to run into.  I won’t spoil the upcoming surprise, but I warned them of The Boots.
  • Yes, the man did look like he was wearing underwear as pants.  Gray boxer-briefs, more specifically.
  • Moving forward, I saw one of my friends helping an old lady in one of the aisles, but she didn’t see me.  I proceeded to linger at the end cap, banging things on the shelf intermittently, doing the same in the next aisle.  No response.
  • A mother passed by with her tween son and daughter and shunned the son with the phrase: “Here’s the stinky man aisle.”  She abandoned him, and his sister waited to mock him as he set out to pick out his first deodorant in shame.  I paused from pounding products and considered helping him – I didn’t.  He went for the cheap stuff on sale and ran out into the main aisle as his mother returned.  They rejoined the father that happened to be the MAN IN THE UNDERWEAR.
  • Tired of embarrassing myself by making a small scene to get my friend to stop talking to the needy old lady, I rounded the corner on the opposite end facing her.  I realized the lady was inquiring about lady shaving products.  Specifically bikini area hair removers.  My friend looked captured, but upon seeing me, finally excused herself.

Oh Target, you complete me.

In My Brain While Sleeping… A Fair Amount Of Skin, A Little Bit Of Aliens, And A Whole Lot Of Rapture

I’ve never read the book, Left Behind, nor saw the movie starring Kirk Cameron, but I currently would like to think it went something like this dream.  The references are many, so I’ll place them in parentheses to help you keep up.

Our pilots are Goofy.

Our pilots are Goofy.

While travelling back to her home in Australia aboard Mickey Mouse Airlines, the beautiful star of the hit television show Claire Voyant suddenly finds many of the passengers on her plane have disappeared.  Even the pilots!  Luckily, someone with experience playing flight simulators is present and successfully lands the aircraft.

(NOTES: The Australian actress was Carissa Walford, pictured below.  This past week she’s co-hosted G4TV’s Attack of the Show in Olivia Munn’s place, and she stole my heart, although not Olivia’s place in my heart.  Don’t fight ladies… there’s room.)

(BONUS FACT: I’ve loved Aussie accents since the days of Olivia Newton-John in Grease, so that’s two Aussie’s and two Olivia’s.)

(EXTRA REFERENCE: Claire on LOST is Australian, and the TV show in my dream shares her first name.  Weeyud.  <–Australian for Weird.)

Sugar and Spice, but not in that order

Sugar and Spice, but not in that order

Anywalfordiftheylooklikecarissa, the unnamed actress presented in my subconscious by, um, Carissa Walford, finds out that the Rapture has happened, and she’s one of those left behind (full circle).

(NOTES: The Rapture as portrayed in fiction in the Bible usually means good people are sucked up into heaven.  Here’s Wikipedia’s breakdown, a snorefest.  The Rapture as portrayed by Blondie is here.)

Basically, as it turns out, all the good people didn’t get sucked up to heaven.  It was aliens that did the sucking up, and they sucked up all the idiots to give our planet another chance.  They were big fans of Claire Voyant and decided that she should run the world.  Ever the go-getter, she obliges, and the world’s mantra becomes

The geeks shall inherit the Earth!

INGREDIENTS: Three mini-burgers and fries from Applebee’s, plus numerous pourings of brew.

Drunken Recollection… Bikinis, Bikinis, Bikinis, And Are Baseball Highlights The Best?

When hot meets hot

When hot meets hot

This might have been better suited as a JusWondering, but it shall end up as a Drunken Recollection nonetheless, mostly because I recall being drunk while just wondering these things…

Who thought it would be a great idea to have women work in bikinis?

In an industry that requires hair nets, plastic gloves, and, um, clothing in the kitchen, besides the obvious reason of having scantily clad women taking food orders and delivering it, why do we have scantily clad women taking food orders and delivering it in bars and restaurants?

(scroll over links for images)

Does pouring hot beverages in bikinis sound better?

Working as a mechanic perhaps?

Maybe somewhere in a hospital?

How about as a baseball player?

Speaking of baseball, are baseball highlights the best of all sports highlights, or what?

It’s possible I think this right now because they’re essentially the only sports highlights on TV, but does a backwards catch thrown in reverse into a double play beat a lateral pass touchdown?

Ah, I need a drink.  Time to hit up a bikini bar to watch some baseball highlights.

All I Want For Christmas Is… Heidi Montag To Get Divorced… I Think

 
16341PCN_montag
Is this what Nickelodeon meant by salute your shorts?
Here’s the sitch…

There once was a girl back in high school that straight-up annoyed the piss out of me.  She was in a handful of classes, she was on pom, and again – her voice, her slouch, and her demeanor grated on me.  So of course I developed a crush on her.  Call it “thin line between love and hate”… I call it dysfunctional.  And I’m afraid the same thing is happening with Heidi Montag… I think.  It’s all so confusing this thing called love lust indifference love.

Let me say this: I-should-not-know-who-this-person-is.  I should not know the names Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge (when she has NSFW pix like this and this it’s hard not to), and Spencer Pratt because I do not watch MTV.  I am not “The Hills” target audience, yet I read blogs with similar sentiments about the cast and show, and lo and behold – I’m savvy.

Why do you taunt me?

Is this how she sleeps? Uncomfortable...

So I guess what I’m asking Santa for a divorce proceeding between my dear sweet Heidi and that douchenozzle, Spencer.  By the time the paperwork’s filed, I may no longer want to be with her, but at least she’ll be available if I change my mind.  Bonus: she’ll be free of the douchenozzle.

P.S. Does she do anything other than hang out in a bikini?  The answer is yes – she sings in a bikini, too.

(SIDENOTE: Heidi, I could have directed a video at least TWICE as good as your boy did.)