In a bold decision no one could have ever seen coming (mostly because most people didn’t know it was still around), MillerCoors is pulling the plug on its popular party starter, Zima.
According to the Chicago Tribune, the marketing department poured their forties on Zima’s grave mostly due to a weakness in the “malternative” segment of the population (apparently, they succumb to pressure when tickled).
Caffeinated Sparks will be picking up where Zima left off… as the last thing on Earth I’m reaching for when I need to get a drink on.
“I’ll miss you with all my heart,” she sniffled. “Especially next Saturday at my boyfriend’s bonfire… his band Bond Jovi is playing. They dress up like 007 and play cover songs… Look at me, blubbering…”