Drunken Recollection… Movies of the Week Circa 1980

i’m not in as much pain as I was in last time, but on this eve of hops and barley, I’ve become deteremined to find the name of one, if not both, TV movies.

Let me interject my theory on the way the brain works.  I feel the best way to picture our memory is that it’s a warehouse full of boxes.  The older you grow, the more boxes you get.  There may be millions or billions, but basically, what it comes down to is which boxes you can access.  This determines, in part, your intelligence, or at least, your memory.

How I picture it is these boxes contain knowledge you’ve amassed through your life, but if the top is closed (due to alcohol, drugs, age, stress), it’s temporarily or perminently lost.  Why I say that is because sometimes you can send your synapses to look for something… and for the life of you, you know what it is but you can’t think of it… then days ly of this ater it pops in your head.

This is what I’m hoping for with these recollections.  ( I don’t even know if any of this makes any sense.)  I’m hoping I can trigger an answer.

The first flick I recalled was presumably named “The Vindicator,” but via IMDb, I discovered this film was a  “Robocop” clone.  What I remember about the movie was there was this guy who’s brother died in a car accident, so he souped up his truck with weapons (I remember a grapple hook most of all).  He set out to exact revenge against erratic drivers.  The very first catch he made with his hook was a man trying to get his pregnant wife to a hospital.

The second flick, well, that was easy.  I remembered one night in my youth, when I had a loose tooth about to fall out, this TV movie where a mentally challenged man was accused of hurting/killing a young girl, so he hid in a scarcrow.  They found him and killed him, but he returned from the dead or something.  IMDb did it’s job on this one: it’s called “Dark Night of the Scarecrow.”

I also found this on YouTube.  Thank heavens for the Internet – we don’t ever need to remember ever again.

If you have any inkling about the other movie, please give me a clue.

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Zima’s Not Even Cold In The Ground

This past week, MillerCoors announced that they’re “cancelling” Zima.

They’ve declared the “malternative” nation dead.

Though it may not be “malternatively” kosher, there’s a new kid on the block!  (No, really, look… it’s Danny Wood… the New Kid no one remembers… he’s working at the Burger King by my house…) (from Luxist)

Pernod Absinthe is a revival of Pernod Fils, arguably the most authentic absinthe ever produced with a recipe that’s over 200 years old… The original is a high-proof sprit distilled from Grand Wormwood, fennel and anise – exactly the same as consumed by the likes of Picasso, Van Gogh, Monet, and now, us.

Pernod’s the right stuff to get get me through those long shifts at night, when all those drunk assholes come through the drive-thru, ordering Big Macs or Nacho Bell Grandes like they’re so fucking original,” Danny might say.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Hollywood Stars To The Rescue!

There was a group of us… sixteen or so.  We were on vacation in Europe.  The group was comprised of mostly friends, some family… and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

As I was trying to organize who would ride in what vehicles (we had four four-seaters… green Volvos, they seemed to be), I noticed Brad and Angie were nowhere to be seen.

“They’re still inside unpacking,” someone informed me.  I still hadn’t met them, and though I was excited to, I knew we’d be introduced at our final destination.

So the group divvied up.  My cousin Liz’s car got Brangelina.  And we each took off on our own accord (in green Volvos, not Accords).

Upon reaching our final destination, the bulk of the group was antsy to go in.  There was no sign of Liz’s car, so I offered to be polite and wait, while the rest of the group entered the underwater horse racing track.

When the last car arrived, I introduced myself to the superstar pair.  I played it sooo cool.  My cousin and her fiance Sam were itching to place some bets and they hurried in.  That’s when Mr. and Mrs. Smith let me in on a little secret:

“We’re here to save a horse.”

I knew the security was going to be tight around the animals, so I cautioned them.

“We already have some people inside.”

Were they talking about “my people?”  My people couldn’t even figure out driving arrangements without me.

“That’s why we need you.”

Somehow, we fashion some alternate method to get into the underwater dome (see SIDENOTE below), and we finally make our way to the carriage house.  A horse with a broken leg awaits its execution.

“With all the technology we have, why can’t we fix this travesty?”

Suddenly, Brangelina’s brood appears, and it dawns on me.  They’re the “people inside.”  The children work together to pickup the horse – their combined strength amazes me.

As the family makes it to their escape vessel to escape, one question remains: how did the kids get down there?  And how are they so strong?  (Okay, so it’s two questions.)

Angelina smiles.  She let’s Brad answer, “Why do you think they’re named the way they are?”

As they disappear up to the surface, I contemplate Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne, and Knox.  It finally hits me: they’re robots!

(SIDENOTE: The equipment we built to get underwater was out of giant Legos.  Blame it on “Lego Batman: The Videogame” again.)

INGREDIENTS: Half a bag of Chips Ahoy!, some Betty Crocker Rich & Creamy Vanilla frosting, a couple glasses of organic milk, a chunk of Velveeta cheese, and a 24 oz. Mt. Dew

(Really, is that all I ate yesterday!?)

JusWondering… Red Vs. Blue (Phillies Vs. Rays)

UPDATE: Now with working video.

Last night, as I watched the end of Game 3 of the World Series between the Tampa Bay Rays and Philadelphia Phillies, I found myself further rooting for Tampa Bay, and I might have realized why.

At first, it was easy to root for them – they were playing against the dreaded Boston Red Sox for the Pennant.  Now grant it, there’s always going to be a special place at the top of my shit list for the New York Yankees, but Boston sure ain’t far behind.  That’s because of all Boston teams (well, the Bruins are kind of like their Lions).  They came close to winning three titles in the same year (the Sox and the Celtics did it), but the New York Giants stopped Brady’s Butt Pats in their tracks.  (Thanks, Eli!)

I want Detroit to be the sports capital – I want at least two of the three great teams here to win in the same year at least once (I’ve written you off Lions, ‘natch).  So as I watched the game, I thought I may have found a kindred spirit in Tampa Bay.  It’s a do-over for the Detroit Tigers, with the Philadelphia Phillies standing in for the St. Louis Cardinals.  They both made it to the World Series the after having recent last place seasons and they each beat the Big Bad Wolf in their way there (we knocked out the Yankees in the ALDS and swept the A’s in the ALCS!)

Then the next realization hit me like a foul ball (while eating a cheese pretzel) – the color scheme’s the same!  Red vs. Blue.  If the MLB brass had their druthers, their dream series of Boston vs. LA carried the same palette.

This got me wondering how often this happened in baseball… this Red vs. Blue pattern.  Then I digressed and remembered this gem:

…Then, I digressed beyond that and thought of two films I recently watched within a 24-hour period that followed the same pattern.  Enjoy!

(If you can’t watch this entire clip below, skip to 6:20 mark.)