JusWondering… Columbus Day

Update: Added one more holiday after a discussion with my friend, Devin.

This past Monday came and went in a flash, and it wasn’t until the next day that I realized a holiday had passed – one that hadn’t mattered since grade school, if even then.  But it got me juswondering… didn’t somebody disprove Columbus “discovering” America?

I thought the Columbus story went the way of Shakespeare, Brontosauruseseses, and Pluto (the Planet our Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us when we were wee)?

Perhaps Columbus Day is sort of like an appendix… something we keep around because it’s there, but it might kill us if it becomes inflamed, much like the boats Columbus used to discover this continent.

Then I started thinking about what body parts other holidays might be akin to.  For example, Birthdays are like crow’s feet… they keep coming whether you want them or not. 

Thanksgiving is like a spare tire – or a muffintop for the ladies – because we revel in unloosening our belt buckles and passing out watching tv (as if every other day doesn’t count).

Independence Day = genitalia… especially when it comes to fireworks.  Our fascination develops over time from childhood to adults.  At first, it’s all *yay* sparklers.  As adults, it’s illegal and Chinese and dangerous.

Valentine’s Day is like kidneys.  Two is natural… one is sad.

Halloween is any body part this guy fixes:

Labor Day could be an upset stomach because you can’t wear white after it.

And Christmas would be an itchy butthole… because sometimes you can’t pick what you get.

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My Pilot for the FX Network That Never Was

I found out about a contest to create a new sitcom for FX on Thursday, came up with the script on Friday, bought a new camcorder on Saturday, filmed it on Sunday (which was a blast in my opinion), edited it on Monday, and submitted it Tuesday to Filmaka.

The “far-fetched” premise follows four life-long friends who’ve grown apart, and in an attempt to recapture old times, purchase season tickets to their beleaguered home team, the Motor City Blues – which is not at all similar to the Detroit Lions since they occasionally win.  This snippet takes place the morning after the team’s home opener.

Enjoy.  Or not.  FX didn’t.