JusWondering… Can’t We Small Talk About Anything Else?

Stormy Daniels > Stormy Rain Clouds

I’m a big proponent of human interaction.  But I am also a borderline misanthrope.

So I guess I’m all about everybody talking to each other so long as they don’t talk to me.

That being said, I can’t stand small talk.

Why does it always have to be about the weather?  (Click here for Stormy Rain Clouds.)

Why does it have to be about how business is doing?  (Click here for how business is going.  What?  The link doesn’t work?  Neither does 14.6% of people in Michigan.)

I suggest we make light of various surroundings, like I did one day.  This cute girl and I were waiting for an elevator, so I mentioned how convenient a giant slide would be in traversing floors… at least going down:

When Darwinism ruled the park scene...

She thought that a fireman poll might be better, and I agreed:

I'm waiting...

We got on the elevator as another couple approached.  I asked what floor, and they remained captivated in their own world.

I shrugged and the girl smiled.

See, why couldn’t it be like that all the time?  Repartee… flat-out ignoring…

…and the cute girl part?

That helped a little bit.

Make that a lotta bit.

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Musical Musings… “Liberal Borrowing” (BONUS: Sound-Alike Mystery Solved!)

"A Meeting of the Minds," er, I mean "A Meeting of Weaves and Nests"

Criminy.  In the course of working on this post (which I thought was going to be a nice break from all the work on the Final Foursome brackets – NOT!), I started to feel like Nick Cage in 8mm.  The further I started digging, the dirtier I felt… which happens when you actually dig.

And maybe I’m exaggerating my Nick Cage analogy.  Perhaps it was more of a National Treasure debacle, where one clue lead me to another, until my head started spinning.

Regardless, I stuck to it (courtesy of my stick-to-it-iveness, which bears no association with nocturnal emissions).  These are my findings…

ORIGIN(S)

The idea for this post was a sort of fruitful one; variations of it jumped at me from every direction.

The concept: LIBERAL BORROWING, a.k.a. STEALING, in the music business.

Ray Parker Lewis and the Electric Light News, Jr.

Chicago Green River Day

Then that lead me to…

  • …memories of the Jump controversy.  It wasn’t a scandal really, but 1984 me distinctly remembers The Pointer Sisters having to add (For My Love) to their version’s title, as not to confuse it with Van Halen’s anthem.

And then came this thought…

  • Nickelback and Mariah Carey have two (almost three) songs with the same title: Hero and Someday. Her If It’s Over is answered abruptly by their It’s Over.

Then my mind wandered to this revelation…

THE ACTUAL MISSION

Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s new song, Telephone, has been driving me freaking crazy, and not for the expected reasons.

At the 3:33 mark in the NSFW extended video (or the 0:47 mark in the regular video according to other TripleDoubleU inquiries), her line:

Stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna talk anymore…

Sounds just like another song, the likes of which I could not think of.  I scoured the web and scrambled my brain.  I started getting Britney Spears’ 3 stuck in my head, and couldn’t get past it.

Once I found out Gaga actually wrote Telephone for Spears, the mental block worsened.  I had a feeling it was one of those backup singer hooks from all the early Aughties’ R&B hits.

I searched song lists of Mya, Ashanti, Aliyah… then it occurred to me: Ciara’s Goodies (at the 1:24 mark).

Looking for the goodies, keep on lookin’ cuz they stay in the jar…

Excitedly, I returned to the website where someone else shared my pain.

What song does Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” sound like?

I hit the “Comments” button to answer…

…and somebody else already had.

(BONUS WEIRDNESS!  Both Ciara and Lady Gaga have been rumored to be hermaphrodites!)

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Wild Card Edition (Round 2)

(For Round 2 of the Head Honchos bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Second Bananas bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Round Outs bracket, click here.)

THE WILD CARDS (Round 1 Results)

– Considering the licks the rest of the Seinfeld gang took (save George), it was of little surprise that Cosmo Kramer (#1) was defeated by Miranda Hobbes (#16), 48-23.  (This was the largest vote turnout of all.)  For those keeping tabs, Seinfeld has one representative; Sex and the City has two.

Kenny McCormick (#2) outlives the Cowardly Lion (#15), with a score of 19-5.  South Park sweeps; The Wizard of Oz sneaks in one.

Ringo Starr (#3) knocks out Po (#14), 35-7.  That makes The Beatles 4; Teletubbies 0.

– The next one would have been a tough choice for me, but it wasn’t as close as I thought.  Winston Zeddemore (#13) blasts H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock (#4) with a 17-10 win.  The Ghostbusters join The Beatles and the South Park kids, with the entire foursome making it into Round 2; The A-Team has two.

– Another Sunny character, and the inspiration for this category (actually, this entire Awesome Battle was inspired by the Sunny crew), Charlie Day (#5) walks away with a victory against Mike Nesmith (#12), 26-12.  Make that two for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and only one for The Monkees.

The Human Torch (#6) barely blasts past Ellen DeGeneres (#11), 11-9.  There’s only one rep each from The Fantastic Four and the American Idol judges.

Danny Baldwin (#7) and his run-ins with the law didn’t stand a chance against the 8-bit shorty, Toad (#10).  It’s a blow out at 26-2.  One Baldwin Brother and three characters from Super Mario Bros. 2 advance to Round 2.

– This one was Turtle vs. “Turtle,” and Turtle won out.  Michelangelo (#8) defeats Salvatore Assante (#9), 19-8.

Now let’s begin Round 2!

Michelangelo Vs. Miranda Hobbes

(more after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Round Outs Edition (Round 2)

(For Round 2 of the Head Honchos bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Second Bananas bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Wild Cards bracket, click here.)

The Round Outs bracket had a few surprises, and a couple of blow-outs.  Plus, it allowed some foursomes to be represented for the first time, and it marked the third winner in a row for some groups.

THE ROUND OUTS (Round 1 Results)

– Eric Cartman (#1) continues South Park’s success at making it to Round 2.  He defeated Laa-Laa easily (at the time of this posting), 29-1.

– B.A. Baracus (#2) wiped out Stephen Baldwin (#15), 16-3, making him the second A-Team member in Round 2.

– Much like the kids from South Park, the kids from Liverpool are cleaning up.  George Harrison (#3) used Peter Tork (#14) like a mop, 19-1.

– Donatello (#4) became the second Ninja Turtle in Round 2, knocking out the Tin Man (#13), 11-5.

– Princess Toadstool (#5) was the only character I used to defeat Super Mario Bros. 2 (because she floated).  Alas, she sunk Johnny “Drama” Chase (#12), one of the Chase Bros. if you will, 12-4.

– The American Idol judges finally have someone on the board!  Kara DioGuardi (#11) upsets Elaine Benes (#6), 22-9.

– The same thing goes for my favorite show on television right now!  Deandra “Sweet Dee” Reynolds (#10) makes It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia ring true.  She defeats Sex and the City’s Charlotte York (#7) barely at 10-8.

– Another bracket champ so far!  Egon Spengler (#8) makes it three Ghostbusters still hanging in there.  He defeats The Thing (#9), 15-5.  Things aren’t looking too fantastic for the Marvel heroes.

Now let’s move onto Round 2!

Eric Cartman vs. Egon Spengler

(more after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Second Bananas Edition (Round 2)

(For Round 2 of the Head Honchos bracket, click here.  For the Round Outs bracket, click here.   For Round 2 of the Wild Cards bracket, click here.)

THE SECOND BANANAS (Round 2 Results)

This bracket provided only one upset.  Much like in the Head Honcho bracket, my love of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia did not transcend to your votes.  Or perhaps I underestimated the Scarecrow’s fan base.  Either way, The Wizard of Oz had enough heart to give, and the Scarecrow (#13) beat Mac (#4) overwhelmingly (at the time of this posting), 41-9.

Here are the other voting results (two were very close, one was a blow out):

  • Paul McCartney (#1) vs. Dipsy (#16) – 15-5
  • Raphael (#2) vs. Billy Baldwin (#15) – 19-4
  • Templeton “Faceman” Peck (#3) vs. Micky Dolenz (#14) – 13-7
  • Samantha Jones (#5) vs. Luigi Mario (#12) – 13-12
  • Kyle Broflovski (#6) vs. Eric Murphy (#11) – 20-7
  • George Costanza (#7) vs. The Invisible Woman (#10) – 13-12
  • Ray Stantz (#8) vs. Randy Jackson (#9) – 31-4

Round 2 of the Second Bananas might contain some of the toughest match-ups.  Let’s go!

Paul McCartney vs. Ray Stantz

(more after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Head Honchos Edition (Round 2)

(For Round 2 of the Second Bananas bracket, click here.  For the Round Outs bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Wild Cards bracket, click here.)

Wow.

Some of these upsets I did not see coming.  But just like the NCAA tournament system this is based on, upsets are what make it interesting.

THE HEAD HONCHOS (Round 1 Results)

– First dead Beatle John Lennon (#1) was pitted against the biggest Teletubby, Tinky Winky, and rightfully so, Lennon won (at the time of this posting), 34-15.

– Moneybags/sour puss Simon Cowell (#2) lost in the first upset of the competition to the Entourage’s nougat center, Vincent Chase (#15).  Not quite a blow-out at 27-17.

– There must be a fair amount of animosity being held against Jerry Seinfeld (#3) for his awful Marriage Ref show.  I didn’t think enough people would remember The Monkees, let alone the group’s breakout heartthrob, Davy Jones (#14) to help him scrape by a win at 24-21.

– The next one was not even close.  Peter Venkman (#4) blew Dorothy Gale (#13) all the way back to Oz with a 47-2 win.

– This one breaks my heart a little bit.  Maybe if the movie remake was already out (and it didn’t suck), John “Hannibal” Smith (#5) would have defeated mushroom-addict, Mario Mario (#12).  Instead, the double-monickered one won, 19-13.

– Alec Baldwin (#6) and Ninja Turtle Leonardo (#11) are a lot alike, if you take away the green color, shell, swords, and business suit.  Don’t believe me?  Imagine it.  The green one loses to the hairy one, 31-17.

– One’s made of paper and one’s made of elastic (kind of).  Stan Marsh (#7) pulls out a victory against Mr. Fantastic (#10), 27-6.

– This battle was upsetting to me.  I love It’s Always Sunny in California, and I’m rather indifferent to Sex and the City.  For those that voted, the opposite must have been true.  Carrie Bradshaw (#9) beats Dennis Reynolds (#8), 26-19.

With that being said, onto round 2!

John Lennon vs. Carrie Bradshaw

(more after the jump) Read More

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… The Epithet, Douchebag

"Allow me to introduce you to such vile things!"

Ever see the movie Nacho Libre?  My friend recently told me his young sons love it, but it bothers him because it uses two bad words: floozy and douche.

I thought that was funny.  No matter the misnomer, kids absorb it like a @##$% sucks up *&@%$ on a Tuesday.

This got me thinking about the etymology of the word – specifically douchebag – and how it’s beginning to feel like its power is waning.  And I’m not suggesting that those people being dubbed one are accepting it, like how the cast of Jersey Shore adored being called guidos.  It’s just that it seems like everybody’s a douchebag these days, and they can’t all be one, can they?

Maybe.

According to the always reliable Wikipedia, the feminine hygiene product became an insult in the 1960’s.  According to Stephen King (or the other screenwriters), the word was well into play by September 1959.

From Stand By Me:

Chris: Yeah. So lets just say that I stole the milk money but old lady Simons stole it back from me. Suppose I told the story. Me, Chris Chambers, kid brother to Eyeball Chambers. Do you think anyone would have believed it?
Gordie: No.
Chris: And do you think that that bitch would have dared try something like that if it had been one of those douchebags from up on the View, if they had taken the money?
Gordie: No way!

The meteoric rise in this useful word’s, um, use has to deal with either one of two things:

  1. The website Hot Chicks with Douchebags level of popularity.
  2. The meteoric rise in the level of douchebags.

My biggest fear is that by throwing around this word so willy-nilly (a phrase that has earned tons of power from disuse), douchebag will become as dull as idiot, moron, or crystal and clear in the early 90’s.

In closing, here’s an excerpt from an insightful article on Overthinking It.  Author (a.k.a. blogger) mlawski posits:

Douches = tools of the patriarchy
Douchebags = patriarchal tools
“Douchebag” = not offensive to women

“Patriarchal tools,” hmm?  Well, there are plenty of them around.  Tons you might say…

…I guess the term douchebag isn’t going anywhere…

…just like the douchebags themselves.