In My Brain While Sleeping… The Bald And The Bug-tiful

Hubba Bubba (A gum created in 1979)

Hubba Bubba (A gum created in 1979)

Is Xenu in here?

Is Xenu in here?

Any dream involving a portion of the cast of “That 70’s Show” should be kind enough to include Mila Kunis.  This dream did, but the Brothers Masterson did they’re best to keep her from me.


I was visiting New York City, and I was wondering Times Square.  I stumbled upon a falafel shop and Danny and Christopher Masterson were manning the window.  They had aprons on and spatulas in their hand.  I approached and saw Mila in the background, slaving away at the fryer.

“Hey fellas,” I began.  They nodded like they knew me.  Mila rushed toward the front, but they held her back.

“Help get me out of here!  It’s a trap!”  (I think this comes from watching “Empire Strikes Back” over Thanksgiving weekend on Spike.)

The Brothers Masterson slammed the windows shut, and there were no visible doors.  As I hurried up and down the street searching for an entrance, I ran into him – Mr. Demi Moore himself, Ashton Kutcher.  He had a knit cap on and tried calming me down.

“Relax,” he said.  “I’ll help you get in there, but you have to do one thing.”  He paused.  “You need to find me a cool new hat.”  He took a step back and removed the winter garment from his head, revealing this:



It suddenly started raining hats, like in that car commercial where it rains shoes.  I found a nifty green pimp hat, handed it to him, and we were off on our way.

Turds of a feather...

Turds of a feather...

Then I was suddenly a cockroach.  But I could walk and talk.  I sounded sorta dopey, as did my one other buddy, Ralph.  It was a lot like “Joe’s Apartment,” which I have not seen since 1996, and coincidentally one of the roaches in that shares the same name.

My roach pal and I were caught in some kind of laboratory we were trying to escape, a la “Secret of NIMH.”  Adventures were had, and it culminated in a final battle with the scientist.  He was all that stood between us and freedom.  Ultimately, every cockroach but me enveloped him and devoured him, like how Professor Screweye died in “We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story.”  Since I could not find video of that – this will have to do:

One comment

  1. Cousin Steve · December 9, 2008

    If you need a little more Mila Kunis in your life I suggest you take a look at this holiday classic “Santa with Muscles”

    I had the chance to watch this film last night. Beside for the (spoiler alert) electrical crystal sword fight at the end… this was one of the funniest stupid movies to watch. It is Schwarzenegger’s commando meets Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause.

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