Hibbidy-Wah?! Gives You Hell-O!

There are a couple of things that make this video extremely relevant to this site.

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A Handful Of… Cool Things I Liked As A Kid That I Still Think I Like

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in standing by this list, but I’m afraid I share it with prepubescent dweebs.  Carry on!

Item #1 – The Hand Boiler

Borderline Magic

Remember these?  You held them in your hand, and the liquid would boil up to the top.  Then you would take it out of your hand and then the liquid would return to the bottom… only to be boiled by your hand again.  I guess these aren’t much different from those plastic collapsible animals, but they seem cooler (maybe cooler should be italicized as well).

Item #2 – Wire Ring Puzzles

Borderline Impossible

I adored these.

For some reason.

Item #3 – Astronaut Ice Cream

Borderline Tasty

In pre-Challenger America, NASA was The Shit.  Every kid in this country dreamed of becoming astrophysicists, and we swallowed the pill that this was the way spacemen (and women) enjoyed our favorite childhood treat.  It didn’t take us becoming rocket scientists to realize this wasn’t worth all the work.

Item #4 – Squirmles

Borderline Boring

“These ain’t ya daddy’s Squirmles! Wait. Yes, they are…” – Abandoned Slogan

I had a few of these as a kid and I used them to torture my sisters.  Not in any “frightening” way or method, either.  They always wanted to play with them; I wouldn’t let them.

Item #5 – Chemistry Set

Borderline Dangerous

My godfather bought me my first (and only) chemistry set when I was about ten.  I made a lot of powders change colors, and it was awesome!  This particular set costs $250. It must be super awesome…

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Bigger… And… Faster… Ah, Forget It

"Draw Your Own Conclusions" Edition

Jimmy Johnson is an NFL coach that demands hard work and speed on the field.  When off the field, he promotes Extenze (I refuse to make the Z a capital letter).

Jimmy John’s is a sandwich shop that demands hard work and speed in the field.  When in the stores, they promote hard work and speed in creating tasty sandwiches.

Here are the Urban Dictionary definitions of jimmy and johnson.

I believe there is a comedy bit in here somewhere, but I don’t feel like shuffling through the gutters of my twelve-year-old mind.

So here’s an excellent bit from the Onion.  It will be doing the heavy lifting.

Oh wait – I’ve got it!

Top Ten Things Overheard By Jimmy Johnson At A Jimmy John’s After Taking ExtenZe (Dammit Z, You Got Me!)

10) Go long!  Old habit…

9) So you’re fast?

8) Extra meat please!

7) No Slim for me!

6) I just took an ExtenZe pill!

5) No, I don’t own this place!

4) That was quick!

3) How much?

2) That much!?

1) This pill ain’t doing dick for me!

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… TV Siblings (And More) Edition

Sure... it's not soda pop... but they're not siblings, either.

For each of the following picture sets, designate whether each person is the main person’s:

  • Real-life sibling (sibling)
  • TV show sibling (“sibling”)
  • Real-life child (offspring)
  • TV show child (“offspring”)
  • No relation whatsoever (nothing)

This was going to originally focus on TV siblings that look nothing alike.  It still does, but in a more distilled, effervescent way…

1) Ron Howard / Opie Taylor / Richie Cunningham

a._______________________

b._______________________

c._______________________

d._______________________

2) Katey Sagal / Peg Bundy / Cate Hennessey / Gemma Morrow / Turanga Leela / Helen Norwood

a._______________________

b._______________________

c._______________________

d._______________________

e._______________________

f._______________________

g._______________________

3) Michael J. Fox / Alex P. Keaton/ Marty McFly / Mike Flaherty / Stuart Little

a._______________________

b._______________________

c._______________________

d._______________________

e._______________________

f._______________________

4) Shirley Jones / Shirley Partridge

a._______________________

b._______________________

c._______________________

d._______________________

e._______________________

5) Jason Bateman / Matthew Burton / David Hogan / Michael Bluth

a._______________________

b._______________________

c._______________________

d._______________________

e._______________________

I was going to do more, but perhaps I shall do this again.  And oh yeah… answers are after the jump. Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Final Round, Finally!

NOTE TO SELF: Do not undertake anything like this ever again.  There’s a reason I don’t partake in any sports pools at work – they’re tedious.  Creating and maintaining something similar is no less time-consuming.

That having been said, it’s been interesting and it’s been fun.  There have been definite upsets; there have been close calls.  Some rankings I got right (the Round Outs battle is between the first and second seeds); some I blew completely (or the Wild Cards lived up to their unexpected expectations).  I might have had different (and more varied) outcomes in my mind, but I can’t wait to create the ultimate Final Foursome’s group shot when this is over.

Remember to vote as much as you’d like… and tell your friends!

(Click to check out Round 1, Round 2, and Round 3…)

THE HEAD HONCHO (Round 3 Results)

  • Peter Venkman (#4) defeats John Lennon (#1), 8 (TOTAL VOTES: 72) – 6 (TOTAL VOTES: 56)
  • Stan Marsh (#7) defeats Davy Jones (#14), 10 (TOTAL VOTES: 47) – 3 (TOTAL VOTES: 40)

Who Should Be The Head Honcho?

(The rest are after the jump) Read More

InASense, Lost… Burger King Kills, But Not Like You Think

Okay, this one I get:

"I told you already... they don't have Happy Meals here."

And this one is clever (even though the glove is on the – NERD ALERT! – wrong hand):

"Did you want fried face with that?"

This one took a second glance to figure out he had mustard on his gown.  Smock.  Robe?  I think I like “smock”…

Burger King really does put a lot of mustard on their burgers.

But something about this ad bothers me:

Haha, ha-- I don't get it.

The other ‘verts border on – dare I say it – cutesiness, whereas this one actually contains a deceased body in it.  And not just any body, but a cheerleader.  And not just a cheerleader, but a young lady in a strangely selected position.

It’s simply… tasteless overkill.  And not in this (have it your) way:

More than a mouthful is truly a waist... grower...

(The campaign is a foreign one.  Wonder if that has anything to do with it…)

Worth 1002 Words… Easter Candy Edition

Exotic Treat

Some alternaughties:

  • Chicks, Man
  • Marshmellow Out
  • Candy Delights
  • Sugar Tits
  • Happy Easter!

In My Brain While Sleeping… What’s Wrong With My Subconscious?

I don't get it either, Catherine, and it was my dream.

This dream played like a movie starring Actor! Catherine O’Hara.   To begin, she and her family lose their home, so they move into a college dorm.

Upon arriving, they realized they packed their dog in the luggage and it peed over all her suits.

Suit case. Dog. Internet win.

(Oh yeah… it should be mentioned that she pretended to be a man a long time ago to “compete in a man’s world” and become an executive at her office, until they fired her and forced her to relocate to the college dorm.)

You're not fooling anybody, Mary Poppins.

In this new town with new possibilities, she interviews for a new job, still playing a guy.  The new twist on her old method – the guy she’s playing will be playing Dorothy in the company’s new Wizard of Oz cross promotion.

Meanwhile, the boss falls in love with him, knowing she’s a her the whole time.

Truly, the only cool part was the fight scene in the falling house.  During the tornado scene, Dorothy kicked the Wicked Witch’s ass.  It was a lot like the Matrix, except the aerial acrobatics made sense…

…even though this dream did not.

Why? Why not.

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – All Editions (Round 3)

We’re getting closer to creating the ultimate Final Foursome.  Without further babbling, here are the results from Round 2 and the brackets for Round 3!

THE HEAD HONCHOS

Results:

  • John Lennon (#1) 16 – Carrie Bradshaw (#9) 2
  • Peter Venkman (#4) 17 – Mario Mario (#12) 2
  • Davy Jones (#14) 13 – Alec Baldwin (#6) 8
  • Stan Marsh (#7) 10 – Vincent Chase (#15) 7

John Lennon vs. Peter Venkman

(The rest are after the jump) Read More

Drunken Recollection… Hercules Goes Bananas In New York! (Amongst Other Things)

There was once a time when this film:

Arnold Strong?

Was called this:

What the hell is this?

And the confusion over this fact lead to a bloody fist fight between my friends and I.

No it didn’t, but that would have been a better story.  Basically, the crew was boozing, this flick came up, but everyone argued with me about the original name of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s premiere film:

Hercules Goes Bananas

The phones came out.  IMDb checked.  Turned out I was right.  Which I knew.  And they were reminded that I always know.

So then they brought up creature I did not know about… the alligator gar:

See ya later, alligator... gar.

I currently wish I did not know about the alligator gar.  Along with the candiru, good job on keeping me out of the water.

The last item discussed – and it was something we agreed on – was that if Saturday Night Live wanted to make a new movie after MacGruber, then Game Time with Dave and Greg would make great option.

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It could follow Dwayne Johnson‘s character Dave as he meets Greg and helps him intermingle with society.  This ultimately leads to them co-hosting the show.  Hilarity ensues!

Aaah, what do I know… i’m drunk.