Hibbidy-Wah?! Things You Did Not (Need To) Know

This is an oldie I forgot about.  I’m not upset.  It forgot about me, too.

This was sort of like a Happy Find of the Hibbidy-Wah?! kind.  It was originally on Everything is Terrible’s website, and it caused them a world of potential hurt.  Luckily someone else finally re-posted it, and Warming Glow brought it back to my attention:

And this little factoid will never leave my noggin:

(via Zany Pickle via The Daily What)

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In My Brain While Sleeping… Preview “The Secret Of My Success 2” And “The Expendables” Twist

(Not So) Theatric Poster

Much like our friends and family (but not our nose), we can’t pick our dreams.  Sure we can influence them, but it’s still the subconscious that gets the final say.

For instance, I recently dreamed about a pair of entirely different movies and their REM-rendered interpretations were off, odd, and, quite frankly, awful.

First up to bat – the above teaser poster.  I didn’t envision the look of it (nor the amount of time it took to make it look like passable junk).  The plot of The Secret of My Success 2 came through to me like a whisper in the night.  Well, maybe not a whisper… more like a coughing hack.

The CEO of McDonald’s and his wife were having marital problems.  In stepped me/Michael J. Fox… I/he  suggested that the CEO sing this to his wife:

“Ba-da-bah-bah-bum… I’m lovin’ you.”

Boom!  I/he became a success at McDonald’s!  And it was our little (second) secret!

The other dream involved me seeing a sneak preview for a flick that hasn’t even hit theaters yet – The Expendables.

Suffice it to say, there was a switcheroo in the middle of the movie (a twist filling, if you will), and the bad guys killed off all the Expendables except for two…

Tough Guys: Topher Grace and Jay Baruchel

Musical Musings… What A Difference A Letter Makes

I'm about to turn your world upside-down, too.

I once wrote a poem entitled, “Where Do All the Deleted Letters Go?” (I considered posting it here, but that would have required me importing some old ASCII code documents into Word and performing a lot of clean up.  Needless to say, if anyone requests it, I’ll post it in the comments.)

Anywhoknowswhereallthedeletedlettersgo, one letter can make a world of difference.  Whether it’s changed out, or simply added, an entire piece can gain new meaning and influence.  Take the song Don’t You (Forget About Me) as an example (via Moviefone):

The theme song of ‘The Breakfast Club‘ was originally called ‘Won’t You Forget About Me?‘ but was changed to the more insistent ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)‘ after the song’s writer, Keith Forsey, learned that Molly Ringwald’s and Judd Nelson’s characters wind up together in the end. The Simple Minds recording went on to become one of the biggest hits of 1985.

It’s not a huge deal, but it’s still a deal, so let’s make a deal or no deal.  Sorry about that.  I don’t know what my deal was there.

So I thought of a couple of letter changes and editions that might make a hit song not so much so…

  • Britney Spears’ Toxic becomes Tonic

Updated lyrics:

With a taste of your lips
I now did decide
You’re tonic, I’m sipping soda
With a tastelessness of a seltzer slide
I’m indifferent to you
Don’t you know that you’re tonic

  • Finger Eleven’s Paralyzer becomes Paralyzed

Updated lyrics:

Well I am paralyzed
And I seem to be stuck by you
I want to make any move
You’re also staying still
If your body matches
What my eyes can’t do
You probably won’t move left or right, too
Me in my bed by you

  • Kesha’s Tik Tok becomes Tike Toke

Updated lyrics:

Don’t stop, sip some pop
Mama, roll my doobie up
Tonight, I’mma bite
Teddy Grahams all night
Tike toke on the bong
But the blazin’ don’t stop
No No Joan
Goodnight, Moon

I would have written more, but I thought this was a funny enough ending.

Awful Battle… Food Movie Titles

Is it fair to call this an Awful Battle?  It’s more fair than calling it an Awesome Battle, because let’s be honest… there are a lot more awful films named after food than awesome ones.

So whether the movie is named after one general food (Meatballs, Bananas, Three Musketeers – a stretch, I know), a specific food (Home Fries, Good Burger, Mixed Nuts), the fact it’s a film and not food being explained in the title (Hamburger: The Motion Picture, Hot Dog… The Movie), certain people around food (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Children of the Corn), or places named after or serving food (Hamburger Hill, Mystic Pizza), they are on this list.

Did I miss any?  Feel free to comment below.

InASense, Lost… Everybody’s Seen The Smoking Baby, So Here’s Other Stuff (And The Smoking Baby)

The smoking baby from Indonesia may not be the first of his kind, but he’s definitely getting David After Dentist level of media attention.

In case you have (somehow) missed it, the video (via Break) is… moved to after the jump due to auto-starting issues.

(SIDENOTE: I would have went with a YouTube video, but you can’t trust any of those to stay.  So now I’ll imagine you skipped ahead to the bottom of the page, or clicked on the above link, and I’ll be moving on.)

If you think that’s scary, then you haven’t seen this (via Cooley!):

From "Inappropriate Golden Books: Movies R Fun!"

Hmm, not working, eh?  Perchance a toy of Bat Boy might throw you for a loop (via Comics Alliance)?

I wasn't aware he wore cut-off jean shorts.

One more thing and I give up.  How about another misappropriation of a teddy bear? This time, it’s in robot form from Fujitsu (via Crunch Gear):

Hrm… That’s all I got.

Smoking baby after the jump! Read More

Drunken Recollection… A New Phrase For You – “Map In The Ass”

No relation to Gooding, Jr.

This has to be one of the best bar stories of all time, and my apologies if I don’t get this right.

Dakota (a friend of mine) knew this kid that claimed his father was a pilot during the Bay of Pigs invasion.  Part one of his story:

My dad was called to active duty and was ordered to fly to Playa Girón to drop some bombs on Cuba.  But the thing was… he wasn’t allowed to bring a map.  But he really needed a map, so he hid it in his butt.

He couldn’t bring a map of Cuba to Cuba in case he was caught going to the place he had a map of how to get to?  Moving on to paht two:

So as my dad was closing in on his target, hand ready to pull the lever, a call came in over his radio… ”Tahm, don’t drop tha bahms!’  It was President Kennedy!

So according to this kid, not only was his father one of the very few Americans involved in the invasion, but JFK was on a first name basis with him.

Hence the new phrase for you – “map in the ass.”  It’s code for “a lie pulled out of your ass.”

Tah dah!

Another item of discussion – what is the layout of the office on The Office?

This is the best version I’ve found online (and it’s not 100% up-to-date):

Does Vance Refrigeration use its lease space as effectively?

Here’s the map I pulled out of my ass:

(Not So) Artistic Representation