January | 2011 | monkeyBLOG monkeyDO

Hibbidy-Wah?! How Cool Would This Phone Be?!

Posted on January 21, 2011 by sgottahurt

At the mere mention of the phrase flip phone, I get the heebie-jeebies. Remember them?

And at first glance, this high-concept “flip phone” wouldn’t seem ideal:

For some reason this calls to mind those water noodle science toys. What the fuck were those things?*

But when you watch this video, you’ll see the light:

*”Those things” were called water snakes.

"Those things" make me very uncomfortable.

Here’s their video representation (pssst… it’s not as cool):

(via Engadget)

Drunken Recollection… “He Was Orange, I Tell Ya, Orange!”

Posted on January 20, 2011 by sgottahurt

I haven’t gotten mad – well, pissed, actually – while playing live bar trivia in a long time. So long, in fact, I can’t even think of the last instance.

This time, the question in question involved these two chaps:

Aaah, the good ol' days of cartoons based on video games...

The inquiry was a two-parter that went like so:

What color was Q*bert? And what color was Clyde the Ghost in Pac-Man?

I knew it instantly, and handed the answer in first. I watched each of the above terrible cartoons as a child, and I knew it with every power pellet of my being.

So the results were revealed, and we were the ONLY team out of ten to get it right, and we received the maximum amount of bonus points for doing so.

We were in first place at the half, and about three questions into the second round, the announcer shared this:

It has come to our attention that Clyde was also red, so everyone gets bonus points.

What. The. @!#?@!? (Q*bert shout-out!)

According to the “ever-reliable” Wikipedia:

Enemy Color	Original Pac Man				American Pac-Man
Enemy Color	Character (Personality)	Translation	Nickname	Translation	Character (Personality)	Nickname
Red	Oikake (追いかけ)	chaser	Akabei (赤ベイ)	red guy	Shadow	Blinky
Pink	Machibuse (待ち伏せ)	ambusher	Pinky (ピンキー)	pink guy	Speedy	Pinky
Cyan	Kimagure (気まぐれ)	fickle	Aosuke (青助)	blue guy	Bashful	Inky
Orange	Otoboke (お惚け)	stupid	Guzuta (愚図た)	slow guy	Pokey	Clyde

This is Clyde’s Wikia page:

Orange you glad I didn't say red?

But apparently, this excerpt is why the additional points were granted:

After an error in Pac-Man World 2, describing Blinky as orange and Clyde as red, all other World series games place Clyde as the red ghost and elevate him to the rank of leader of the ghost gang.

—-This is nothing more than an error that was forced into being reused.—-

Namco aside from the World series and Arrangement has always called Clyde the orange ghost.

So it was a wording issue. If the announcer had added “in the original arcade game,” we would have been set.

We still wouldn’t have won the entire trivia game, but we would have been the only ones right.

(SIDENOTE: The team that fought for this said our team sucked once they too were awarded bonus points. Well, they can go @!#?@!? themselves because they didn’t win either. Nyah.)

In My Brain While Sleeping… PokéBowling!

Posted on January 19, 2011 by sgottahurt

This is my second favorite idea that came to me in a dream of all time! (Most favorite is here.)

This one is for PokéBowling!

I spent more time trying to make this than I planned.

Basically, the game is a Nintendo Wii game that takes the best of the bowling portion in Wii Sports and mixes it with Pokémon characters.

Pika-turkey!

Each character would have its own attributes, like Pikachu’s electric split or Squirtle’s ten pin blast. And maybe the pins would be made of different elements, so you’d have to choose which creature would work the best against them. Who knows?

All I know is this:

It was a fun game.
This is proof that I thought of it, and if Nintendo ever releases something like it, hopefully this post holds up in court.

A Handful Of… Conan And Andy Theme Songs

Posted on January 18, 2011 by sgottahurt

It’s starting to feel like Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter are really starting to find their rhythm again, so in honor of that, here are A Handful Of theme songs from their shows. I have nothing else to say. Except for this:

I can’t believe Quintuplets was ever made.

Late Night with Conan O’Brien

Andy Richter Controls the Universe (theme at 0:35 minute mark)

Quintuplets (theme at 1:52 minute mark)

Andy Barker P.I.

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien

Conan

InASense, Lost… Kiss My Zodiac

Posted on January 17, 2011 by sgottahurt

How fucking stupid is this sign?

The more I think about this, the more angry I get. It’s this exact kind of crap that makes people skeptics about astrology in the first place.

Though I loathe to admit it – I’m kind of into the zodiac. I’ve read enough things about Capricorns (what I am) to see the merit of it all.

Do I find astrology to be absolute? Absolutely not.

But are there some truths in there? I’d at least say there are patterns.

My belief in the entire zodiac affair is comparable to the whole nature vs. nurture debate, in the sense that the your birth sign has designs about your life, but not necessarily much influence.

I view it as the explanation to why you click with some people instantly, and reject others just as easily. It’s also the reason why people in my life that share the same birth signs have the same types of friendships with me.

But this Ophiucus (“o-few-cus”) garbage has me butting my head against the wall (like a Goat would, but not necessarily like a Cap). It’s New Age-y mumbo-jumbo. It seems like cockamamie bullcrap manifested out of thin air… like horoscopes.

It’s like everything I’ve ever defended with…

It’s not made up! They know what they’re doing!

…is happening all over again…

"It's not made up! They know what they're doing!"

Worth 1002 Words… Poor Choice Of Words Edition

Posted on January 16, 2011 by sgottahurt

Foot Job

Some alter~~nuts~~nates:

Tongue Lashing
Sick Leave
Autoerotic Asphaltiation
Mastur Booting
Shoe Horny

(via)

Happy Find… Hipster Kool-Aid For The Ears

Posted on January 15, 2011 by sgottahurt

If you’re unclear on the concept of what a hipster is, hopefully this infographic can be of assistance:

If it didn’t help, whatever man.

Anywhohasntshoweredallweekend, I should have heard of Pomplamoose before my boss/friend Paul did (mainly because he’s only recently “discovered” All-American Rejects, and he’s proud of that). As he perpetually asked me if I heard of Pomplamoose, I continually asked if it was a children’s group (he’s also a huge fan of The Wiggles).

So I looked them up, and I was shocked – SHOCKED! – that their videos have millions – MILLIONS! – of hits…

…and I never – NEVER! (really, again?) – heard of them.

Their YouTube channel is here… if you’re into hipster musicians, style circa 2004 or 2007, that is.

JusWondering… Why Isn’t This A Disney Release?

Posted on January 14, 2011 by sgottahurt

I barely remember hearing about the upcoming Gnomeo & Juliet, except that it was a retelling of Romeo and Juliet using lawn decorations, and featuring music by Sir Elton John. Oh. That’s exactly what it is.

At the start of the preview, when the Touchstone Pictures logo popped up, I thought:

Why isn’t this a Disney release? (see above header)

Because Touchstone is Disney, you see. So I started thinking:

Maybe it’s a PG-13 release aimed at an older audience.

After all, that is why Disney created the thunderbolt off-shoot in the first place. But no. It’s rated G. And it’s the first of all Touchstone Pictures to be rated so low. (It’s only their second animated feature, to boot. The other is The Nightmare Before Christmas.)

Well, how was I going to get to the bottom of this? What rhymes with stickymedia?

Initially, the film was going to be produced by Disney Feature Animation, but was shut down by its new chief, John Lasseter, after the Pixar acquisition. Miramax Films picked up the project and guided its production until the division closed down… The film will now be released under the Touchstone Pictures banner on February 11, 2011… (via Wikipedia)

So much for answers. My guess is that so much work was put into it prior to merger with Pixar, that it was the traditional cry of:

The show must gnome on!

Sorry for that pun, but I’d venture to guess the actual film won’t be much better… And for sure, it won’t be better than this adaption of the Shakespeare classic:

Musical Musings… Rip-Off (Air Quotes) Artist

Posted on January 13, 2011 by sgottahurt

Dr. Luke, Daydreaming New Ideas

You may not have ever heard of Lukasz Gottwald, a.k.a. Dr. Luke, a.k.a. DJ Douche (not really), but you’ve certainly heard his work.

But I’m not here to celebrate him (if you can already tell), but to tell-all and make you aware of the source of his “artistry” as a writer and producer.

The latest is a minor tussle over whether Britney Spears’ new song, Hold It Against Me, rips off The Bellamy Brothers’ If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body. In this case, I say no (as do others), but it’s not the first time good ol’ Dr. Luke’s skillz have been called into question.

Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend / The Rubinoos’ I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend

Daughtry’s Feels Like Tonight / The Asphalt’s Tonight

If you skip to the 1:04 mark, you’ll notice the chorus is awfully similar to this. Read more about this one here.

Pink’s U + Ur Hand / The Veronicas’ 4ever
Ke$ha’s Tik Tok / Katy Perry’ California Gurls

He’s not even above ripping himself off. And Justin and Jessica Q. Public still lap it up.

Sure, there’s plenty more originals in his repertoire than copies – even a few that I like – but something has to be done to stop this mad man. Never forget he allowed THIS to happen.

IN CLOSING:

I realize that Dr. Luke’s not going anywhere anytime soon. Let’s just call him disappearing from the music scene my Teenage Dream. He is who he is, and We R Who We R. Not even Magic nor Dynamite could get rid of him. We could go Right Round in circles as the hours Tik Tok away, but ultimately I guess he’s here For Your Entertainment, and not mine.

It’s not like I’m Your Daddy or anything, but I want you to know that I’ll Keep Holding On to the notion that I know what’s best for you. Who Knew any of this would be such a big deal? Behind These Hazel Eyes (they really are hazel) is a man who respects the arts and thinks that stealing (“liberally borrowing“) without acknowledging it is wrong.

I just fear that one day, when Dr. Luke is no longer practicing his medicine, I won’t find myself saying, “Since U Been Gone, My Life Would Suck Without You.” Or something akin to that. Does that come across as fickle? A little con then pro, nay then yay, Hot N Cold? Maybe. But if I finally admit today that his music’s not all that bad, Feels Like Tonight might be the night I finally say, “I Kissed a Girl.”

And hopefully that same girl won’t notice my toupée and say, “Take It Off…”

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Know Your Office Assistants

Posted on January 12, 2011 by sgottahurt

Oh, it's not about office assistants in general...

I hardly mention it because even I barely care, but I work in information technology, which really means, computers. ~~I’ve recently celebrated working here ten years.~~ I’ve worked here for ten years. Ten years.

…ten years…

So I thought, how can I share ~~the joy that is~~ my job with you, and this is it!

Microsoft’s Office Assistants are considered to be one of the worst things they’ve ever produced, and that’s a grand list! See how many of these “characters” you can guess…

…ten… years…

(Answers after the jump) Read More

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Enemy Color

Original Pac Man

American Pac-Man

Character (Personality)

Translation

Nickname

Translation

Character (Personality)

Nickname

Red

Oikake (追いかけ)

chaser

Akabei (赤ベイ)

red guy

Shadow

Blinky

Pink

Machibuse (待ち伏せ)

ambusher

Pinky (ピンキー)

pink guy

Speedy

Pinky

Cyan

Kimagure (気まぐれ)

fickle

Aosuke (青助)

blue guy

Bashful

Inky

Orange

Otoboke (お惚け)

stupid

Guzuta (愚図た)

slow guy

Pokey

Clyde

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