Happy New Year To New Movies Courtesy Of Old Movies!

File this one under “You’ve Probably Seen It Already,” but for me, I’ll never get sick of it.  It’s an amazing testament to music and editing, and how much beauty can be found in even crappy movies.

You do realize Vampires Suck was one of the flicks included, right?  (#116)

Enjoy it again – or hopefully for the first time!

Musical Musings… Prepare Your Ears For The Horror

There is a reason why accordions are not used in pop music.  The prime example is Stereo Love:

Ugh.  Even if it’s synthetic, or a concertina, it’s still intolerable.

(SIDENOTE: “Weird Al” Yankovic, Arcade Fire, and They Might Be Giants are exempt from this post.)

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Songs About Singers’ Significant Others Or Something Else

I don't have a clever caption for this photo, but I do have an ironic one.

This has been an idea I’ve had for a while, and I was never sure what way I wanted to go about writing it.  Tah-dah!  It’s a So, Duh! Pop Quiz!

Your job is to decide who or what the song each of these singers is singing about.


Is Avril Lavigne singing about…

Deryck Whibley or a puffy winter coat?


Is Pat Monahan of Train singing about…

his new wife, Amber Peterson, or the women that attend Burning Man?


Is Gwen Stefani of No Doubt singing about…


No Doubt bassist Tony Kanal...


...Gavin Rossdale now, or Gavin Rossdale then?


Is Billy Joel singing about…

supermodel Elle Macpherson or supermodel Christie Brinkley?


Is Pink singing about…


this doucher or this doucher?

Answers after the jump Read More

Awesome Battle… To Be Queen Of The Nerds!

This… was inevitable.

Natalie Portman has held her lofty position as Queen of the Nerds for a considerable amount of time, but be aware that Olivia Wilde is not merely standing by, waiting on the sidelines.

Whereas Ms. Portman garnered our nerds attention with her portrayal of Padmé Amidala (the original queen) in the Star Wars prequels, Ms. Wilde is picking up steam by portraying an isomorphic algorithm named Quorra (true story) in Tron: Legacy.

Let the Awesome Battle begin!

Both film series are fanboy favorites, and their female leads looked remarkable in them.  But a long-awaited prequel trilogy and a belated sequel does not a battle make.

Ms. Portman followed up her Darth Vader-inspiring role with one from an underground comic book: V for Vendetta.

Ms. Wilde will be following up her Sam Flynn-inspiring role with one from an underground comic book: Cowboys & Aliens.

Ms. Portman then wasted a few years to become an Actor! It worked, because she’s getting a lot of award attention for her work in Black Swan.  But in this time, her geekdom luster has lost its shine, and opened the path for Ms. Wilde to take her throne.

On the slate for each actress:

  • Ms. Wilde – an ensemble comedy about butter-carving competitions called Butter
  • Ms. Portman – an ensemble comedy about wizards and dragons called Your Highness
  • Ms. Wilde – a sci-fi adventure written and directed by Gattaca’s Andrew Niccol called Now
  • Ms. Portman – a rom-com directed by the once great Ivan Reitman and starring, ugh, Ashton Kutcher called No Strings Attached

Luckily for Ms. Portman. she’ll be in next summer’s big-screen treatment of the Marvel Comic, Thor, but Ms. Wilde is set to star in a new body-switching movie called The Change-Up, co-starring Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman, whom are also dork heroes.

In closing, I’ll share a comedy bit each of them made, and I’ll let you search for their nude scenes.  This is a classy blog, folks, not an assy one.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… How Video Games Could Go The Way Of The Cinema

I could start this post off with a partisan political slam, but that’s not what this site is about, so I won’t.

Instead, I will hint about it and borrow Stephen Colbert’s concept of


because this about something I can’t prove, but it just feels right.

Allow me to begin with an image:

It's better that swallowing pennies.

What you see is a computer generated image of my gut feeling that video games may soon go the way of the cinema.

By that I don’t mean they will soon become megaplexes that take over strip malls and shut down at the earliest signs of ticket sale decline.

No, instead I feel that as new games become easier and easier to produce and replicate, the quality will decrease.

As of right now, according to some random person the video game industry releases 30 major releases per year.  That’s less than one per week.

Hollywood, on the other hand, releases at least one movie per week, and usually it’s more than that.  According to another random source, in 2007, there were 453 movies made.  That’s the amount of movies produced, and not necessarily released, but you can see the vast difference.

Now back to the gaming market.  Of those alleged “truthy” 30 games – even if there were 100 – that’s not taking into account the new outlets available.  The iPhone/iPod Touch.  Android devices.  The Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft marketplaces.  Games are being released at alarming rates, and what happens when that, um, happens?

I’ll put it in movie terms.

For every Inception, you’ll get Yogi Bear, The Last Airbender, Jonah Hex, Eat Prey Love, The Killers

I miss the old days of the anticipation for the newest Zelda game (wait we still do) or the next Super Mario (ditto).

The long and the short of it is… creative industry insiders should take their time to make one solid film/game versus ten mediocre ones.  Let’s get back to The Shit, and far away from Just Shitty.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? One Taylor Swift Headlight

Okay.  Get this.

I was driving to pick my buddy up at his new place the other day, and I found myself daydreaming as I was passing through a well-known speed trap.  I’ve trained my eyes to catch cops by the side of the road, and this occasion was no different, hence my rapid deceleration.  By the time, I looked at my speedometer, it was reading 53, 52, 51…

I was in a 45 MPH zone, and I knew I was going way faster than I should.  I’ll pulled quickly onto the angled embankment between the bridge and the freeway entrance below it.  My hands were displayed promptly empty out the window as the officer approached the passenger side.

I rolled the window down on that side and placed my hands on the steering wheel.  He said,

This your ride?

I answered, “It’s mine.”

Can I see your license?

I answered, “I was waiting to get it safely.”  It was then I dug out my wallet.

You were going 58 in a 45.  How’s your driving record?

I told him it was good, even though it wasn’t long ago I was pulled over for something*.

Then I’ll take care of you.

I ended up getting an impeding traffic ticket which still costs $116, but… no points.

Ah, the part I’ve dreaded.  I was daydreaming, listening to this song:

I was trying to figure out the line:

You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

Because this later line confused me:

I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter

I thought all the choruses went that way, but it was only the last one that “the boy” is singing to her.

Nonetheless, what makes this a Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? is that (My Boss) Paul pointed out that the cadence (which also happens to be his daughter’s name) is Taylor Swift’s Mine is almost the same as The Wallflowers’ One Headlight:

*That something I was pulled over for… I only had one headlight.

All I Want For Christmas Is… This Song To Really Be About What I Hope It’s About!

Mostly everyone nowadays knows Clarence Carter for his song, Strokin’.  If the blind blues singer is known for anything else, it should be at least for the hook from his song, Backdoor Santa.  Run-DMC “borrowed” the back beat for their better-known Christmas in Hollis, but here’s the original:

Awesome, right?  It’s definitely sexual in nature, butt am I wrong to think it could be about a little something extra under the tree?  I known the TripleDoubleU has been around for quite some time and my purest thoughts are no different from yellow snow, butt I don’t think I’m reading too much into these lyrics:

I’m your
Backdoor Santa
I make my run
At the break of day

“The break of day” is also known as “the crack of dawn.”

I ain’t like
Old Saint Nick
He don’t come
But once a year

That part is obviously sexual, and the concept was stolen by Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond.  Here’s where it gets really interesting…

I kept that door open
In case anyone
Smelled a mouse

No comment.

All I Want For Christmas Is… Courtney Ford And Kate Beahan To Get More Roles!

Courtney Ford.  Kate Beahan.

If neither of those names are familiar, here are the faces to go with them:

Courtney Ford

Kate Beahan

Courtney is probably best known for her role in season four of Dexter (and not for her marriage to Superman), but she first came to my attention in an episode of How I Met Your Mother (The Naked Man).  She played an awful person on HIMYM, but she did this on Dexter.  She will forever be in my heart, and needs more opportunities to do what she did on Dexter.

Kate has not fared as well in America as she has in her homeland (she’s Australian… I love Australian accents).  Her biggest role here was in The Wicker Man, and this is a sample of the material she had to work with:

Come on Hollywood!  Give her another shot!  At least one better than Nick Cage in a bear suit punching a woman!