Month: November 2010

A Handful Of… Videos You Must See If You Haven’t, Plus One Comic

Posted on by sgottahurt

Today’s specials include:

  • A CROONING MUSTACHED BABY
  • MORE KAZAAM REFERENCES THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT
  • ANIMALS EVOLVING

(Here’s the original if that one gets taken down.)

  • And finally, THE TRUTH, according to Pizza Stew:

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… I Effing Hate This Game Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

The uncensored title: "I Fucking Hate This Game"

If you were unaware of this game’s existence, check out some of the samples on the Mad Gab website.  Or better yet, don’t go there.  Essentially, the game takes a phrase like this:

EYE PILLOW FIZZ SIGH

And you have to decipher the actual phrase.  The answer to the above bullshit:

APPLE OF HIS EYE

So what better quiz could I devise than recreating the garbage game and having you guess the movie title.  Is it easy?  Is it not easy?  You’ll have to let me know.

1)2)3)4)5)

After all’s said and done, I’ll have to admit that it was actually a hell of a lot more fun making Mad Gab phrases than playing it.  The answers, as always, are

HALF TOUR THUD YUM PA

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Musical Musings… Songs I Will Never Listen To

Posted on by sgottahurt

I practically live in my car.  I’m always driving somewhere (which is probably why I have no drive in the rest of my life).  So I listen to the radio a lot.  The following songs are those that will either make me change the station, or keep me flipping through the dial.

I thought about including the videos here, but that wouldn’t seem true to the reason behind this Musical Musing.  At least I’ve included the links, so nyah.

Okay – scratch all that (I did).  IF there is to be ANY humor in this list, it has to be in the reveal.  A short list can’t duplicate what gobbled up real estate can.

To begin, I will never listen to Tool’s Schism.  Sure, the video is creepy, and could have possibly been a part of my list for videos cooler than their songs, but it is way too long and tantamount to banging pots and pans in rhythm.

(SIDENOTE: I also cannot stand their song, Prison Sex.  Actually, maybe I just don’t like Tool except for Sober.)

A lot of people don’t like Linkin Park already because, well, let’s just say a lot of their fans probably think Dane Cook is hilarious.  But I’ve never minded them.  I believe they work really hard at what they do, and when it works, it works for me.  As for one of their latest, The Catalyst, it Dane Cooks.

This is an easy one that requires no explanation, but I do have one question… why is James Blunt’s early start to the song left in the final recording of You’re Beautiful?  A better question… why do I care?

(SIDENOTE: James Blunt was supposedly in the army, and that baffled me until I found out he was British.  Moving on…)

This shouldn’t even have made this list, but the opening piano riff (is that what it would be called?) lured me in a couple of times before I learned my lesson.  That lesson: Miley Cyrus can’t sing, and The Climb should have never been on the radio.  (What else do I think about Ms. Cyrus?)

And in closing, fuck NewSong’s The Christmas Shoes.  If you haven’t heard it, consider yourself blessed.  If you haven’t, you’ll have to click on the link.  Or just hear Patton Oswalt explain the awfulness of it:

JusWondering… Can Taylor Swift Pull Off Santa Baby?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Taylor Swift could be called America’s sweetheart (as opposed to America’s sweatheart, Tom Arnold).  So why in the world would she try to perform a sexy, seductive song about a spoiled gold digger?  Take a listen to her version of Santa Baby:

What does the expert on gold diggers have to say about that?

Eartha Kitt played Catwoman, for Christ’s Santa’s sake!

Some other notable, not-so-wholesome women artists that have covered this song:

  • Madonna
  • Shakira
  • Macy Gray
  • Natalie Merchant
  • Faith Evans
  • Kylie Minogue
  • The Pussycat Dolls
  • Kellie Pickler
  • LeAnn Rhimes
  • Mae West
  • Miss Piggy
  • RuPaul
  • Everclear

My favorite, of course, is this version.

Happy Thanks (For Starting This Great Idea) Giving!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Somewhere in this world (probably Los Angeles, and not because of City of Angels) an angel earned its wings. If this could become a trend by Christmas, I will be looking forward to waiting in line at the airport.   NBC News in L.A, take it off away:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I Am Thankful For… Short Weeks!

Posted on by sgottahurt

You gotta hand it to this guy:

Hi five!

Here is the logical reason why:

  • If not for turkeys, we would not have Thanksgiving dinners.
  • Without Thanksgiving dinners, we would not have Thanksgiving day parades and football games to kill time waiting for the food to be ready.
  • Without Thanksgiving day parades and football games, people would not have to skip work.
  • Since so many people would skip work anyway, it became a national holiday so everybody could not work!

Huzzah for having the fourth Thursday of every November off!

We also have to celebrate these idiots:

Overheard by someone in line - "I heard they're selling Ramen noodles for a quarter!"

For anyone not working in retail, these freaks make Friday an easy day to take off as well.

Long weekend, here I come!

 

 

I Am Thankful For… Detroit 1-8-7

Posted on by sgottahurt

Let me begin by saying that although I do enjoy the show, Detroit 1-8-7 is not Detroit enough for me.  Like the misnomer in the title (187 is the California penal code for “murder,” not Detroit’s), it’s a lighter look at this shitty city.  It’s the equivalent to calling Detroit a doo-doo city.

Nonetheless, I’m happy for what it’s doing for the local community.  It’s work.  It’s a beacon of hope.  And it co-stars Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

(Pssst! It means she lives here!)

(Pssst! Put her in the show more so she stays here!!!1!!!ONE!)

I Am Thankful For… Hausu On DVD

Posted on by sgottahurt

This almost slipped past me, like the plot of the movie (see the preview below), but I Am Thankful For finding out that the 1977 Japanese horror (?) film Hausu has been released on DVD, and, well, check it out:

Via Criterion’s website:

SYNOPSIS: How to describe Nobuhiko Obayashi’s indescribable 1977 movie House (Hausu)? As a psychedelic ghost tale? A stream-of-consciousness bedtime story? An episode of Scooby-Doo as directed by Mario Bava? Any of the above will do for this hallucinatory head trip about a schoolgirl who travels with six classmates to her ailing aunt’s creaky country home and comes face-to-face with evil spirits, a demonic house cat, a bloodthirsty piano, and other ghoulish visions, all realized by Obayashi via mattes, animation, and collage effects. Equally absurd and nightmarish, House might have been beamed to Earth from some other planet. Never before available on home video in the United States, it’s one of the most exciting cult discoveries in years.

A great treat to watch on Thanksgiving, I’m sure!

I Am Thankful For… Victoria’s Former Secret, Candice Swanepoel

Posted on by sgottahurt

As I sit and watch my Detroit Lions blow their chance to obliterate the Dallas Cowboys (and former Lions quarterback, John Kitna) and walk away with the better record of 3-7 vs. 2-8, I’ve decided to discover and uncover the beauty that is Candice Swanepoel.

It took me a little while to figure who she was after seeing her in a Victoria’s Secret commercial, and I’ve done it!  Unlike the Lions (they didn’t do it)…

To erase the loss from my memory, here’s Candice in a cowgirl costume:

Yee-haw!

 

The rest is pure bonus:

 

She may not be a lioness, but she's close...

The Lions will be flying home for another game on Thanksgiving!

Here's to hoping they can clean up their own mess. I, on the other hand, could use Ms. Swanepoel's help.

BONUS! BONUS! VIDEO!

 

(more costumed Candice’s here)