Month: January 2011

A Handful Of… Trapped People Flicks

Posted on by sgottahurt

Buried - not to be confused with Barried, Barried, or Berried

I pretty much ignored Ryan Reynolds’ Buried when it came out in the theaters, and I pretty much ignored its arrival on DVD.  What I have been unable to ignore is the constant bombardment of James Franco’s 127 Hours, which is now in wide-release courtesy of its Academy Award nominations.

This further reminded me of two things.

  1. How the screenwriter of Buried, Chris Sparling, basically begged to be nominated for an Oscar.
  2. How 127 Hours is basically the same thing, and it is nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay.

But wait… isn’t one about a guy in a coffin and the other one about a guy cutting his arm off?

Yes, but they are both essentially “unfilmable” stories about a man trapped.  And they aren’t the only ones.  Here are A Handful Of Trapped People Flicks.

I can see it now... "Buried 4 127 Hours"

  • Rope (1948) – people trapped in real-time murder plot
  • Die Hard (1988) – man trapped in terrorist-filled building
  • Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990) – man trapped in terrorist-filled airport
  • Under Siege (1992) – man trapped on terrorist-filled battleship
  • Toy Soldiers (1991) – student trapped in terrorist-filled school
  • Passenger 57 (1992) – man trapped on terrorist-filled airplane
  • Speed (1994) – people trapped on speeding bus
  • Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) – man trapped on speeding terrorist-filled train
  • Executive Decision (1996) – man trapped on terrorist-filled airplane
  • Daylight (1996) – people trapped in underground tunnel
  • Air Force One (1997) – man trapped on president’s terrorist-filled airplane
  • Con Air (1997) – man trapped on criminal-filled airplane
  • Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) – people trapped on speeding terrorist-filled cruise ship
  • Cast Away (2000) – man trapped on island
  • Phone Booth (2002) – man trapped in phone booth (written by Larry Cohen)
  • Open Water (2004) – people trapped in shark-infested waters
  • Cellular (2004) – man trapped in terrible plot involving keeping a cell phone powered (written by Larry Cohen)
  • Penny Dreadful (2006) – woman trapped in a car
  • Captivity (2007) – woman trapped in underground lair (also written by Larry Cohen)
  • Frozen (2010) – people trapped on a ski lift
  • Buried (2010) – man trapped in coffin
  • 127 Hours (2010) – man trapped underground by a rock
  • Unstoppable (2010) – men trapped on a missile the size of the Chrysler Building

InASense, Lost… Good Ol’ Days Of Cross-Dressing

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t remember this commercial, so I guess that means I must have repressed it:

The only time any such imagery should be used would be in order to sell this:

Are there nuts in that tossed salad?

Happy Find… And A Happy Rediscovery!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I was catching up on the new episode of Archer on FX when a preview for this show appeared:

Is is going to be great?  Who cares!  It’s different at the very least (albeit a remake of an Australian show).

And as for that rediscovery – remember the old Cybill Shepherd show, Cybill?  Probably not because I barely did.  Alicia Witt played Zoe on that show, and I forgot about her until she played Miss Pasternak on Two and a Half Men.

Alicia Witt... how could I ever forget you...

Sure, she’s been in plenty of things I haven’t seen since then (including the Two and a Half Men rerun from two and a half years ago), but I did find out that producer Chuck Lorre created both shows, so it’s nice that he’s still looking out for her.

  • Alicia Witt on Cybill
  • Alicia Witt on Two and a Half Men

JusWondering… What Would You Put On Your Scale Of Fury?

Posted on by sgottahurt

This has been something I’ve been meaning to transcribe for a while now, and even by doing so, rage has bubbled up from the depths of my… say, what’s it called if you don’t have a soul?

Anyemptyvessel, this is my Scale of Fury.  It’s a series of missteps in pop culture that shake me to my core me, ranked on a scale from 1 to 10.  1 equals “infuriating” and 10 equals “someone must die.”

Let’s begin:

1) Invention of the word Squeakquel

This filmed monstrosity should not have occurred once, let alone twice.  It’s already cloying enough without an unnecessary pun.  Much like my pun above.

2) The Prequels

Not too long ago, and not very far away, I would have ranked Jake, Hayden, Jar Jar, and Ani much higher on my Scale of Fury.  But a few factors have changed that.  One – The Clone Wars cartoon series is really good.  Two – there’s a lot more crap out there that pisses me off more.

3) No guns in E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

Steven Spielberg needs to make some new friends.  George Lucas no doubt inspired Spielberg to go back and tinker with (and tinkle on) his classic 80’s family film.  Why remove the guns?  That’s how we knew the bad guys were bad guys.  Sure, they were aiming them at little kids, but we knew they weren’t going to use them.  Just like it was with the Russians and their nukes…

4) The Special Editions

Where to begin with these nut shots?  Jabba the Shitty CGI.  Young Anakin’s Jedi Spirit.  The replaced musical numbers.  This:

5) Cancellation of “Arrested Development”

It could be higher up on the list, but it did get three (2.75) full seasons.  Was it Fox’s fault for shitty scheduling?  Or is America primarily full of According to Jim fans?  I think the questions answer each other.

6) Emo Spider-Man

I’m sure I hope Sam Raimi had a better plan for what could have been the best Spider-Man film of them all.  Instead, we got Sandman, a rushed Harry Osborne vengeance/rebirth subplot, a wasted Eddie Brock/Venom, and this:

7) Cancellation of “Firefly”

You can blame this one on me as much as everyone else.  I kept hearing all the rave reviews about this show while it was shortly on the air, and I never watched.  Could just one person have made a difference?  If that one person was me, then yes.

8) The Last Airbender movie

I wanted earth, wind, water, and fire from this remake of the incredible Nickelodeon show, and all I got was fart noises.  Must. Repress. My. Diatribe.  (More on my thoughts on M. Night Shyamalan)

9) Indiana Jones and the Give Me a Fucking Break

Again, the Spielberg with the Lucas.  To distract myself: anyone else ever notice ol’ Steven’s initials are “S.S.“?  Ironic, no?  (More of my thoughts on Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)

10) The “LOST” Finale

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  Fu. Ck. Th. Is. Sh. Ow.  For years, I defended it, telling people the writers weren’t making it up as they went along.  They were making it up as they went along.  (More of my thoughts on LOST)

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Celebrity Name Offspring Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is a (small) big clue.

This edition of the So, Duh! Pop Quiz shouldn’t be too difficult if you know people’s names and faces.  If you know just names, or just faces, face it – you won’t guess the names.

How this works is you’ll get a pairing of celebrities (or famous people… I don’t know if there’s a difference).

I won’t disclose either of their full names (if you need a clue, you can move your mouse over their picture).

One the pictured individuals’ two names will be the answer’s first name, and one of the other’s two names will be the answer’s last name.  Get it?  I think you’ll get it.

1)

2)

3)

4)

5) (this one needs a clue)

(Answers after the jump)

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Awful Battle… Jaw Dropping Videos (A Progression In Three Parts)

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is a situation where it’s best for you to sit down.  Yes, I realize you’re probably already sitting since you’re using a computer or mobile device to check out this awesome website, but I want your brain to sit down, too.

This will start off a simple enough exercise (literally) and will eventually end up with a simple enough exorcise (bonus literally).  Be wary as you embark on this Awful Battle…

(SIDENOTE: I think that’s a dude in the last video…)

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The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… The Title, Mr.

Posted on by sgottahurt

The above video might not be the best way to have started this post, or it may be absolutely perfect.  (The band’s name is Mr. President, and their song Coco Jambo has over 38 million hits.  38,000,000!)

Basically, the title Mr. has taken quite the beating in recent years.  I’m not sure if the intent is to distant its association with its origin word, master, or if it’s mainly because we’ve lost all sense of formality.

Now what does this have to do with pop culture?  Everything.

When our fine country was founded, the most dignified and non-alienating title the founding fathers thought to bestow on our nation’s leader was Mr. President.  Nowadays, if you want a sure sign a movie or a TV show will suck, you put Mr. (or Mister) in the title.  It’s not an absolute, but the highs are definitely outnumbered by the lows.  I considered highlighting the highs, but it may be more fun for you to decide.

(SIDENOTE: I’d highly recommend playing Coco Jambo in the background while you read on.)

MOVIES

  • Mr. 3000
  • Mr. Baseball
  • Mr. Nice Guy
  • Mr. Wrong
  • Making Mr. Right
  • Mr. Brooks
  • Mr. Jones
  • Mr. North
  • Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium
  • Mr. Bean’s Holiday
  • Mr. Holland’s Opus
  • Mr. Saturday Night
  • Mr. Mom
  • Mr. Nanny
  • Mr. Destiny
  • Mr. Woodcock
  • The Ghost and Mr. Chicken
  • The Incredible Mr. Limpet
  • Mr. Magoo
  • Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
  • The Talented Mr. Ripley
  • Fantastic Mr. Fox
  • Mr. and Mrs. Smith
  • Mr. and Mrs. Bridge
  • Mr. Deeds
  • Mr. Deeds Goes to Town
  • Mr. Nobody
  • Mr. Jealousy
  • Mr. Lucky
  • Mr. Wonderful
  • Mr. Accident
  • Mr. Murder
  • Mister Frost
  • Mister Lonely
  • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
  • They Call Me Mister Tibbs!
  • Looking for Mr. Goodbar
  • Goodbye, Mr. Chips

TELEVISION

  • Mr. Ed
  • Mr. Belvedere
  • Mister T
  • Mr. Lucky
  • Mr. Magoo
  • Mr. Bean
  • Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  • Mr. Smith
  • Mr. President
  • Mr. Personality
  • Mr. Show
  • Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper
  • Mr. Sunshine (1986)
  • Mr. Sunshine (2011)

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Is Andrea Anders The New Ted McGinley?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Are these pics from Classmates.com?

Those of you unfamiliar with the TripleDoubleU are… a lost cause.  Those of you that know your way around Al Gore’s vast array of electrical tubes and lights know the guy up above on the right (here’s a hint – he’s the guy name in the post’s title).

His name is Robert Paulson Ted McGinley, and he is the man most synonymous with the concept of jumping the shark even though he wasn’t the guy that actually jumped the shark (they were in the same show, though).

Shows that Ted McGinley was added to when they supposedly jumped the shark:

  • Happy Days
  • Love Boat
  • Dynasty
  • Married… With Children
  • The John Larroquette Show
  • Sports Night
  • Hope & Faith was on for three seasons, but it was cancelled for Dancing with the Stars
  • Dancing with the Stars (he was the second person eliminated his season)

Now some argue (mainly McKinley himself), that the shows went onto more seasons in spite of him.  According to Jim lasted eight seasons.  Longevity does not equal quality.  (And sometimes, I think networks forget to cancel shows.)

Now whereas the majority of the above shows McKinley was a late addition to them, Andrea Anders started all of the following shows.  Well, as for Joey, that’s not entirely true.  She replaced Ashley Scott as the will they, won’t they potential love interest.

Ashley Scott has no hard feelings.

But if Anders’ track record is any indication, Matthew Perry’s new show, Mr. Sunshine, might not fare well.  So I guess she’s not really at all like Ted McGinley, the patron saint of shark jumping.  Maybe she’s more like the dolphin that kills the shark.

Her track record:

"How you doin'?" "Not so well."

See? Classmates.com!

Get it? Should have been called "Better Off Dan-celed."

Miss Chanandler Bong!

BONUS COINKYDINK OR COINKYDONK!

Andrea Anders is currently dating Matt LeBlanc who will be in the new Showtime show called Episodes… in which she’ll have a guest appearance.  So I wouldn’t get too used to that show either.