They say youth is wasted on the youth.  Well I say, adulthood is a waste if adults aren’t wasted.  (See what I did there?)

Today I present to you A Handful Of flicks (as opposed to a fistful of punches) that I have seen way too many times growing up, wasting my youth as a youth.

• Summer School (1987)

This movie lead to me discovering (what I consider) the greatest horror film of all time: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Without this film, it would have taken me longer to discover who Carl Reiner (the director and Rob’s dad) was, but it might have spared me from seeing Mark Harmon’s Worth Winning (going into my Netflix queue… right now).  Also, it may be a contender for starting the “dogs wearing sunglasses” genre of movie posters.

And not speaking of (big red) dogs, but of grown men portraying obnoxious children, there’s…

• Clifford (1994)

Okay, I might not have been so young when I watched this film over and over and over again.  But I mean, come on!  Martin Short is playing a ten-year-old boy!  Hijinks and hilarity ensue!

Now back to dogs (and films made in 1987)…

• Walk Like a Man (1987)

Howie Mandel – of America’s Got Talent, Deal or No Deal, Bobby’s World, Good Grief, and blowing up rubber gloves over his head – was raised by dogs.  ‘Nuff said.

• Moving (1988)

Without this Richard Pryor vehicle, the world would never have met Stacey Dash (where has she been, by the way?)… but it would have also been spared Dana Carvey and Randy Quaid… moving on…

• Cloak & Dagger (1984)

Elliott wasn’t good in this movie, E.T... Henry Thomas’ character shot and killed a bad guy in the end of this movie!  Try to fit something like that in the next Alvin and the Chipmunks Squeakuel, Hollywood!

• Can’t Buy Me Love (1987)

I’ve already professed my love for Amanda Peterson long ago on this site, so let’s leave it at that.  Well, that post and this quote:

There’s only one other titty, quite this pretty…

How’s this for a segue…

What can money buy, if not love?  Ho, ho, ho’s!

• Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

This is the first movie I ever remember reading a review about.  I recall some comment about producer Alexander Salkind’s obsession with origin stories.  You see, this film dealt with Santa’s humble beginnings (unlike Tim Allen’s punderful The Santa Clause), and Salkind’s previous productions included The Three Musketeers (1973) and Superman (1978).  Three films = obsession, I guess.

And this last cinematic masterpiece just screams REMAKE WITH TRACY MORGAN!  (Not really…)

• The Toy (1982)

As a youth, I didn’t waste time pondering the logistics of a film about a rich white man buying his spoiled son a black man as a toy… so why start now!

Onto being an adult, and getting wasted!