Awful Battle… Dongs On Film

They appear to be well-hung, I mean, done.

SIDENOTE: Chalk this post up to one I wish I never started, but finished because I did.

We’re two months in and I’ve yet been to the theater this year.  Well, I’ve seen Avatar (ick), but I don’t remember if I saw that in the last two weeks of the last decade or not.  (I double-checked my credit card statement; I saw it December 27th.)

Anywang, I’m blaming my absence at the cinema on something other than the lack of exciting flicks that have been released so far.  I’m pointing my finger (not literally) at phallophobia.  Or in layman’s terms – the fear of dongs.

2009 was a banner year for weenies popping up in movies, so to speak.  With the trend moving towards 3D films, I hope the two never shall meat, er, I mean, meet.

Here’s a list I’ve compiled from other lists (Amazon, Salon, Slate), and I take most of them at their word.  Some of these are Peters I’ve met, and some are Dicks I hope to avoid.

  • 1980 – Blue Lagoon / Christopher Atkins
  • 1980 – American Gigolo / Richard Gere
  • 1983 – Breathless / Richard Gere
  • 1991 – At Play in the Fields of the Lord / Tom Berenger
  • 1992 – The Crying Game / Jaye Davidson
  • 1992 – Bad Lieutenant / Harvey Keitel
  • 1993 – The Piano / Harvey Kietel
  • 1994 – Color of Night / Bruce Willis
  • 1996 – The Pillow Book (and Trainspotting) / Ewan McGregor
  • 1997 – Boogie Nights / Mark Wahlberg (sort of)
  • 1998 – Wild Things / Kevin Bacon
  • 1998 – Velvet Goldmine / Ewan McGregor
  • 2001 – Super Troopers / Kevin Heffernan
  • 2003 – Young Adam / Ewan McGregor (again!)
  • 2003 – Brown Bunny / Vincent Gallo
  • 2004 – Sideways / M.C. Gainey
  • 2004 – Kinsey / Peter Sarsgaard
  • 2006 – Borat / Sacha Baron Cohen, in photo (?) and censored hotel battle
  • 2007 – Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story / Unknown and don’t care to
  • 2007 – Eastern Promises / Viggo Mortensen
  • 2007 – The Simpsons Movie / Bart Simpson
  • 2008 – Forgetting Sarah Marshall / Jason Segel
  • 2009 – Bruno / Sacha Baron Cohen (was it his talking Johnson?)
  • 2009 – Watchmen / Dr. Manhattan
  • 2009 – Observe and Report / The Flasher, also don’t care to know more
  • 2009 – The Hangover / Ken Jeong, and perhaps Zach Galifianakis

In closing, I fear this may be the most comprehensive list of filmed penises on the web, and for that reason alone it was a truly Awful Battle.

If only there was a site that detailed all the female nudity out there…

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