Awesome Battle… Heck, It’s Really A Cute Battle

I am not a fan of Depeche Mode, but this family from Columbia sure is.  After watching these, I heard Enjoy the Silence on the radio, and I couldn’t help but smile.

(SIDENOTE: When I was in high school, um, let’s see… 20 years ago… I remember this one girl gave a speech in our Honors English class about how squids are people, too.  I thought, “Squids aren’t people.  They’re squids!”  Apparently, this is what they called goth back in the day at my school, and goths squids liked Depeche Mode.  Don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking – He took Honors English?!)

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Awesome Battle… Which VHS Acid Trip Do You Prefer?

Who am I kidding?  These are both great.  So it’s an Awesome Battle that ends in total win!

(SIDENOTE: I miss you, Everything is Terrible… I promise not stay away so long ever again!)

THINGS TO WATCH FOR:

  • Rosemarie Lombardi when she was 36 and loving wind in her face.*
  • Rodney enjoying a time out to talk with the ladies.
  • Mike Douglas on a skateboard.
  • Elliott Gould on a swing.
  • Priscilla and John – two lovers that never found Plymouth Rock.
  • Beer enriched shampoo!
  • Leonard Nimoy with a human head (Vincent Van Gogh?) replica for some reason.
  • The late Ernest Borgnine loving stamps.
  • Sonny Bono and his Sonny Clone-o’s.
  • Bruce Jenner with his old face and an old Minolta camera.
  • A clown on the phone.
  • Hizzoner?
  • An interesting reveal by Della Reese.
*I don’t know who Rosemarie Lomobardi is either.

Awesome Battle… Supporting Will Ferrell Vs. Lead Will Ferrell

With The Campaign on its way to a theater near you, I thought it was a good time to evaluate Will Ferrell’s hits and misses via his earlier supporting roles compared to his starring roles.  It’s an Awesome Battle for the ages!

  • WILL FERRELL’S SUPPORTING ROLES
austin power mustafa ladies man lance delune superstar jesus jay silent bob marshal willenholly zoolander jacobim mugatu old school frank ricard

Such diversity… he’s like the Modern Lon Chaney, Jr… or Mod Chaney… or Lon Chaney, Jr. Jr.

Though in these parts he may have played second hat (which seemed to require weird hair… or a hat), no one can deny that Ferrell didn’t chew up his scenes, starting with Mustafa in the Austin Powers.  When he wanted to oil up and wrestle in the otherwise horrible The Ladies Man, he brought moments of tolerableness.  He not only took on Jesus in Superstar, but also Jay and Silent Bob as they struck back.  His Mugatu must have been on crazy pills because he was the only one that could see the fool that Zoolander was.  And who could forget his reintroduction streaking through the courtyard (or his ass) in Old School?

  • WILL FERRELL’S LEADING ROLES
elf buddy anchorman ron burgundy talladega nights ricky bobby stranger than fiction harold crick step brothers brennan huff other guys allen gamble

All of them are capable of moments of “assholeness“… even Buddy in Elf

He can play it straight (Stranger Than Fiction), he can play it dry (Anchorman), or he can play it over the top (Elf)… but we still have to admit it: he plays it better when he has someone else to play off of (Talladega Nights, Step Brothers, The Other Guys).  That might be why I have to give the Awesome Battle to his supporting roles.  Or do I?

  • *THE WINNER* WILL FERRELL’S CAMEOS
wedding crashers chazz reinhold starsky hutch big earl goods mcdermott tim eric billion dollar movie damien weebs

You know every one of these characters if you’ve seen these films. If you don’t – you just haven’t seen them.

SIDENOTE: Sorry, but I have not seen Megamind, Everything Must Go, or Casa de mi Padre.  Or any of his older more criticized flicks like Semi-ProLand of the LostBewitched, Kicking and Screaming, or A Night at the Roxbury.  I did see Blades of Glory; I regret that.  I have no excuses for The Producers, Winter Passing, or Melinda and Melinda, or any of the smaller films.  But that’s why none of them are included – I didn’t see them or they sucked so I didn’t see them or they sucked
.

Awesome Battle… He-Man Vs. She-Ra

Sibling Rivalry

Recently, on the Hub or some channel like that, I happened to catch back-to-back episodes of both shows, and I’ve already decided that there is a clear winner in the Awesome Battle between He-Man and the Masters of the Universe and She-Ra: The Princess of Power.  This post will illustrate my process.

  • ROUND 1 – THEME SONGS

Each of these are classics in their own right, but one stands out as a more advanced arrangement.  One could even imagine its back beat being lifted for an artist such as Nicki Minaj:

WINNER: SHE-RA

  • ROUND 2 – ROGUE GALLERY

Let’s take a look at She-Ra’s enemies – The Evil Horde, lead by Hordak:

They were so bad-ass, they didn’t even sell them as part of the She-Ra toyline.

And howzabout He-Man’s baddies, lead by Skeletor:

I kid, I kid… Or should I say “I baby…” (pun!)

(Click here for the real pic.)

WINNER: SHE-RA

  • ROUND 3 – SEXUAL OVERTONES

Sexual overtones are in all cartoons… especially in ones that phocus on fysique focus on physique.  So in He-Man, you have Prince Adam who dresses like this:

Um… yup.

And this is him as He-Man with his merry crew:

Despite furry loin clothes and boots, plus Ram Man’s skirt, this is a bit better.

With She-Ra, well, here’s the whole kitten-caboodle:

Hello ladies…

Even if you excuse the rainbow for the times, on the episode of She-Ra that I watched, at the start of the show, she emerged from one of the other ladies’ tents after spending the night.  Remember, this is pre-Brokeback Mountain, too, but mixed messages are mixed messages for a reason.

WINNER: TIE WITH SLIGHT EDGE TO SHE-RA (NOT TO BE INSENSITIVE, BUT I’LL CHOOSE LESBIANS EVERY TIME)

  • ROUND 4 – COMIC RELIEF

On MOTU, you have Orko:

“Here’s today’s lesson… if you try to be funny, you’re probably not…”

On POP, you have Madame Razz:

Get it! She has a talking broom! (I don’t get it…)

WINNER: TIE… NEITHER ARE THAT FUNNY

  • ROUND 5 – ACCEPTABLE WEIRDNESS

Here are some weird things on He-Man:

They fight by shoving, not punching.

Need more proof?

Who’s this guy?

A dragon wearing a horned helmet?

This takes the cake.

No weird pictures for She-Ra because all that shit’s acceptable.

WINNER: SHE-RA

  • ROUND 6 – HIDDEN CHARACTERS

In every episode of She-Ra, you had to watch extra hard to find Loo-Kee hidden somewhere in a scene:

He hid better than this.

The only thing hiding in episodes of He-Man was common sense.

WINNER: SHE-RA

  • ROUND 7 – OVERALL TOYLINE

WINNER: HE-MAN

OVERALL WINNER: HE-MAN

Awful Battle… Dead Dogs + Kid Films = Bad Idea

Once upon a time (not ABC-Disney’s eponymous show), Tim Burton and Don Bluth were a part of the Disney family.  Coincidentally (Coinkidinkily), one of the last projects they shared parts of was The Black Cauldron (Burton designed the The Horned King Bluth animated a few uncredited scenes).

Anygurgiwantsmunchiesandcrunchies, they share one other similarity: a fascination with dead dogs (not really).

SIDENOTE: A Coinkydonk , too?  Why is this an Awful Battle?  Read on.

In 1984, the last thing Burton made for Disney was a short film called Frankenweenie.  This lead to him getting fired.

As for Bluth, All Dogs Go to Heaven ended his short streak of hits.  Even though it developed spin-offs, it was mostly a flop following the highly successful An American Tail and The Land Before Time films.   (RIP Judith Barsi)

Now that Disney and Burton made money peace over the stop-action Nightmare Before Christmas and live-action Alice in Wonderland films, he’s flipping the script on his newest film:

Why does it seem even creepier animated than the original which was live-action?!

Wasn’t this sticker enough?!?!

Perhaps the alternate isn’t much better:

(Get it?  Dylan Dog?  Dead of Night?)

Awful Battle… Preview Mix-N-Match

It’s good that there are finally movies coming out that I want to see.  They’re not necessarily good, but I’ve been hitting up the silver screen more in the last month than all winter with no signs of slowing down.

That having been said, I’m getting caught up on non-blockbuster preview fare, and it’s fair at best.

Take the latest offerings I witnessed (please!), and tell me if you notice something:

First, they are all screenplay movies.  By that I mean to evoke Little Miss Sunshine or Cedar Rapids.  They are all movies that read well, I’m sure, but have limited commercial commercial appeal.

Second, they either feature the charming Emily BluntJason Segel, or both!

(SIDENOTE: I saw these previews in this exact order before the tragically unfunny Wanderlust.)

Am I eager to see any of them?  No.  But will I eventually?  Yes.

Emily Blunt and  Jason Segel are just so charming!

Awful (?) Battle… John Carter Of Attack Of The Clones

Having just seen Episode I again, it’s put some bad thoughts into my brain about the upcoming John Carter film.

I know I’m late to the party on this critique, but there’s a good reason.

I want John Carter (formerly Of Mars) to be good.

The reason is a simple one – I’m rooting for director Andrew Stanton.  And why, you wonder?

Hint: One of the answers is in his hands.

Andrew Stanton wrote and directed two of Pixar’s greats – Finding Nemo and Wall-E.  He also wrote and directed this Edgar Rice Burroughs‘ adaptation, so I’m hoping the third time’s just as charming.

But I’m afraid.  Very afraid.

Here’s a scene from the preview:

Dusty Arena: Check. Furry-ous Beast: Check.

Now here are some Episode II memories that this drudges up:

Dusty Arena: Check.

Furry-ous Beast: Check.

Couple with that the tired outsider-saves-the-day plot (John Carter’s of Earth, not Mars, so…), and my worries don’t seem unwarranted.

So is this an Attack of the Clones clone?  Hopefully, the two films have as much in common as these two do:

One has monkeying around in it and the other has a monkey.