Welcome to the United States of America.  Are we states united?  Last time I checked there was a whole bunch of Blue States and a whole bunch of Red States, and together these states sure don’t make Purple.  But it’s where we live, for better or worse, for sicker and poorer.

I just think it’s time we got a couple new euphemisms from the guys and gals in charge.

Here’s a few Classics:

• When America Invades a Country = Pre-Emptive War
• Project Scare Americans = Terror Alert Chart
• We Have No Idea Who We’re Fighting = War on Terror
• We Want To Spy on Everybody = Patriot Act
• Shut Everybody Up About the Poor Education in this Country = No Child Left Behind

Here’s a few Modern Classics:

• Man, is it Getting Hot or What? = Global Warming
• Wannabe Hippie = Going Green
• Perpetual Pipe Dream = Universal Health Care

And no doubt, here’s some Future ones as well:

• $700-billion Bailout = Troubled Assets Recovery Program
• Tax on the Rich = Investment in Middle America
• Abortion Clinics = Instant Angel Factories (?)