Since the video on my other post about Abby Elliott got pulled, here’s a new one. It’s from the Upright Citizens Brigade Midnight Show (that’s the YouTube channel it’s from, ‘natch), and it also stars Steve Agee (from “The Sarah Silverman Program”) and Jeff Sloniker. It’s safe!
La Shish kabob-bye!
I always pass closed La Shish restaurants in my travels, and it makes me sad that shady underpinnings (a euphemism for alleged terrorist funding if there ever was one) forced them to go, um, under. Although I’d eaten at one of the original restaurants more than once (I assume that either of the Michigan Avenue locations in Dearborn was the first), I always thought it would be great that a local Arab cuisine could go national as a chain.
Oh well. C’est la shish… Other versions of La Shish have popped up in its place, even stealing its logo design, but they don’t have the same momentum as the original. That is why I suggest going another route and follow My Taco Bell Plan.
In only one weekend, I can train any entrepreneur how to climb that mountain of creating a monster franchise and ring that bell at the top!
I’m also looking for developers for my Pierogi To Go and Taka Sushi restaurants. Act now!
I woke up this morning with this lyric stuck in my head: “Gee, the traffic is…”
I couldn’t remember the other word. “The traffic is delicious.” “The traffic is ridiculous.” “The traffic is… delicious.” I felt like Andy Bernard in “The Office” when he could remember the end of “Break me off a piece of that-duh-duh-duh!”
So first thing I do is turn on my pc to Google search the lyric, and found that “Gee, the traffic is terrific.” Leave it to Perry Como to be happy about it! And no wonder I couldn’t think of it!
Anywaterunderthebridge, I also dreamt an idea for “Hard Rain 2,” which may come in handy since Christian Slater’s once again out of work. Although, in my version, Seth Rogan was one of the guys, and I think I had Nicholson Lite’s role. I would detail it here, but it is actually pretty cool (IMHO) so I’m holding onto it for now. If I change my mind, you’ll be the first to know (after any person I know in real life that will pretend to listen to me, i.e. my siblings).
(Some Andy Bernard highlights after the jump… and some bonus Creed.)
Vodpod videos no longer available.Isn’t Kathie Lee Gifford such a scrumptious piece of heavenly delight? Is not her sense of humor unmatched by the kings and queens and paupers of comedy? Her comedic timing with Regis Philbin was impeccable, and often, she outshone him! Even Tracy Morgan can’t keep up with her! Amazing!
(I pray that was a sufficient amount of sarcasm… I don’t have all day.)
(via Best Week Ever)
Ever see something you didn’t know you wanted because you didn’t know it existed and then when you finally saw that it existed you knew you really wanted it? **deepbreath** Well, I just found something I really want that I didn’t know existed.
I can design my own Muppet Whatnot. What’s a Whatnot, you ask? So did I!
Apparently, a Whatnot is to the Muppets what a Redshirt is to “Star Trek” – in other words, a stock character, that’s usually lifeless in the end (‘cuz Muppets ain’t real… right?)
I don’t know to what extent the personalizations can go when there are only three body types (the samples they show are fairly unique), but starting in February, it sounds like you should be able to design the Muppet online at FAO Schwarz’s site.
SIDENOTES: I designed a “South Park” version of me. And here’s a Redshirt Whatnot.
Tacotacotacotacotacotacotaco Bell, Ding Ding!
For some people, getting recognized at any local establishment might be embarrassing. For me, it’s something I strive for. I like being a regular. I enjoy the “Norm”-factor. On the bar scene, it’s great. At a Taco Bell? I might have to admit that I have a spicy meat and waxy cheese problem.
It occurred this past week when I got to the window. The attendant remembered me and joked that my soda had “extra ice, just how you like it.” Simply because I always order a #8 soft shell with a Mt. Dew no ice, and I have my four dollars and two cents in exact change, that doesn’t make me an addict. And even if it does, it’s not my fault. It’s because all those other asshole places don’t have as winning a strategy as my beloved Taco Bell.
All in all, I’m down with TB. And I don’t care if I’m a regular. I’ll be happy if it wins the “Franchise Wars.” Now if you’ll excuse me – I just finished eating some Grande Soft Tacos and I have to go poop.
So let me get this straight... you cannot even drink beer?
You know what… I’m kind of digging this blog thing. I’m thinking about asking my site if she wants to go steady. I already have the promise ring, and my letter sweater is sure to keep her warm on cold nights when we go walking in the moonlight, my arm over her shoulder, my hand feeling her up. And I’m serious about it too. How can I prove it? These are some sites I wanted to start, but I’m cutting off communication with them immediately, even though I heard they do put out on the first post:
Site: DiatribalDance.com
Slogan: Another Way of Saying Hissy Fit
Purpose: An outlet to bitch and moan about things other people quite frankly could care less about. I’ve decided that’s what this site is for. And I’m sure you could care less.
Site: AppleJuiceStains.com
Slogan: Porn Reviews In Fifteen Minute Intervals
Purpose: To make money… and have an excuse for watching a ton of porn. The reason why I abandoned this concept is simple – I didn’t want to embark down that path. That path being having to watch the entire DVD.
Site: NoonAtNight.com
Slogan: Munching at Midnight like a Mischievous Mogwai
Purpose: Who the hell knows? But isn’t Gizmo so cute?
Chalk this one up in the category of “now I’ve seen everything.” Necessity is the mother f-er of invention, and leave it to the people of this day and age to come up with this (or the children and kids, as the lead idiot doctor puts it):
Now, aside from the fact that this may or may not be something new to the scene, one aspect of consideration remains: Stupidly, who gave these stupid doctors a show? (<— In reference to random ethnic lady doc’s double vag comment… hilarious! No? Oh, well.)
One of my friends from back in the day, John, put it best. At a Halloween party on U of M’s campus, one of our mutual friend’s roommates – who was a space aeronautics and astrophysics student, mind you – decided to streak around the block. John’s observation: “I guess it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be a rocket scientist.” Check and mate!
(via Best Week Ever)
Ohmigod is she pointing at me?!
This is kind of old news, but if you haven’t heard about it – Hey! Hot off the press!
I heard the screeching mess that is Beyonce – er, I mean Sasha Fierce, grrrr – on the radio today, and it trudged up my Capra-esque rage on behalf of the little man. The screeching mess in question: “If I Were a Boy.” The little man in question: cutie BC Jean (pic from Crazed Hits).
SIDENOTE: You can hear her (original, better) version of the song on that site, or on her site which has a pretty cool piano interface (hee hee, interface… I don’t know what that’s means).
The source of my fury stems from a conspiracy that goes like this: producer Toby Gad co-wrote the song with BC, then he went behind BC’s back and sold it to Beyonce (I originally wrote Bitchonce, but you could see the flop it would have been… perhaps Bitchyonce? Buttyonce?) And since no one involved has mentioned anything further in the press, I assume BC was either fiscally compensated or fiscally threatened (see how I did that?) by tubby’s hubby, H.O.V.A.
The thing that I think makes me maddest is it doesn’t work! (You seriously have to listen to both versions to understand my upset) Beyonce is not a twenty-something MySpace girl! Some might say the lyrics apply to women from all walks of life. Others might say I just hate Beyonce. Mostly everybody would be right… mostly.
Now with more granite!
Okay… I feel like I’m at full steam again. It’s not like I haven’t drank ten pounds of beer before, but at age 33, I might as well be drinking Quikrete. Actually, I don’t even think it’s so much of an age thing, or an amount of food eaten thing. It comes down to a timetable.
In Chicago – 12 lbs. beer / 8 hrs = ah, who cares… I was going to make a big math post about drinking and yada yada… Since it’s already boring me, I’ll shift gears and chat about dead people jewelry.
Did you know you can turn the ashes of a loved one (already deceased preferable) into a diamond? How crazy is that? I mean, I guess it make more sense than keeping an urn on the fireplace mantle, but still.
It may seem insensitive (probably because it is), but I wonder what other kinds of memorabilia could fashioned out of cremated remains:
Maybe a Japanese Zen Garden. How about a fingerprinting kit (human carbon has to be a lot safer than asbestos). Then there’s always an idea like Litter Critters…
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 