Month: March 2010

JusWondering… Sequels With Lady Problems

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve noticed a trend in sequels to popular films, and it’s one that I consider an exercise in lazy screenwriting.  Heh… exercise… lazy…

Anywheredidshego, where did she go?  To me, the writers couldn’t develop the characters’ relationships further, so they broke them in order to fix them again, to varying degrees of suck-cess.

  • Bill Murray seemed to be with Sigourney Weaver at the end of Ghostbusters, and then she (well, her character Dana) went and had a baby with someone else.
  • Sure, Bruce Willis and Bonnie Bedelia wouldn’t have won couple of the year in Die Hard, but by Die Harder, they seemed to have worked out all their kinks.  In Die Hard with a Vengeance, the kinks won.
  • Orlando and Kiera’s love Bloom-ed, um, Knightley in the first Pirates of the Caribbean.  In the second, they didn’t get married and fought only to draw out a boring plot point for two films.
  • Nick Cage found whatever it was he found in the first National Treasure; Diane Kruger was his booby prize.  Then repeat the above, but place a “2” before the semicolon.
  • The Night at the Museum sequel doesn’t even begin to explain what happened between Carla Gugino and Ben Stiller, just so they could get to (hot?) Amelia Earhart’s doppelgänger, Amy Adams. What is this movie really… Mannequin 3: Skies the Limit?

Actually, I’m going to carry on with my Night at the Museum tirade.  It’s not like he’s Austin Powers or James Bond, picking up new ladies every flick…

Actually again, James Bond has loved Vesper Lynd for two movies so far.  One can imagine that every woman he bangs from here on out would be in an attempt to mask his pain of loving her too much.  He probably would still be with her if she didn’t, you know, die.

So in closing, writers do yourself a favor and imitate the always excellent Transformers series – instead of blowing the relationship up, blow shit up!

This scene could be from either movie.

Musical Musings… Better Lady Than Never

Posted on by sgottahurt

Hey Ladies!

This shit is bananas!  B-A-N-A-N-A-S!  Or at least it’s P-L-A-N-T-A-I-N-S!

From my understanding (which translates to “I just learned this”), Lady Antebellum has been a part of the music scene since 2007, but I’ve only recently heard about the group courtesy of their simple and catchy crossover hit, Need You Now.  The group is composed of Charles Kelley, Dave Haywood, and Hillary Scott (pictured above), which makes the trio’s name no less strange.  It’s two guys and one lady.  And antebellum means pre-war so no further help there.

Like Lady Sovereign before them and Lady Gaga after them, perhaps their moniker was inspired by…

BONUS MUSICAL MUSING: I’ve intended to gripe about this for a while now, but I kept forgetting to.  It’s more shit that is plantains, and I didn’t hear any mention of it anywhere else.  Why was Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl (I’m not linking the video for spite) such a huge deal when Jill Sobule sang about the same thing back in 1995, when it was still sort of taboo?  Nowadays, it’s kind of slutty.

SIDENOTE: I’m not saying I want it to stop.

BONUS NON-MUSICAL MUSING: Cougars grow up to become cat women.

Happy Find… Please Rob Me

Posted on by sgottahurt

Well not me, specifically...

I don’t say this often – mostly because the majority of things are not – but here I go… BRILLIANT!

I’ve often thought when perusing my Twitter feeds, “Why did he or she say that?”

Usually the that pertains to a variety of other inappropriate TMI-type things.  Sometimes though, people report where they are at, and by stating that, they are informing us Twitter users where they are not, and that long run-on sentence leads me to this:

Please Rob Me

It’s a website that collects Tweets of people announcing their whereabouts, and it leaves the rest up to you go-getters.

It only leads me to question whether there’s a site that collects what people on Twitter eat.  Wait, yeah… there is.

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Cookie And Candy Bar (Plus Pop Bottle) Sizes

Posted on by sgottahurt

Either my hands have gotten bigger, or my cookies and candies have gotten smaller.  I should clarify, since I was a kid.  And also, that I’m talking about actual cookies and candies.

Anywhoppers, it appears to me we’re going the way of the Japanese.  Not in terms of soda flavors:

Coming soon: BBQ and Squid

But in the way that they are smaller than our 20 oz. versions and cost a fair amount more.

  • Pepsi Shiso: Introduced only in Japan as a limited edition for Summer 2009, it’s transparent green.  Size: 147 ml can, price: 147 yen.  Also available in 500ml plastic bottles.  Shiso in English is “labiate” or “perilla”. (via Wikipedia)
  • 147 Japanese yen = 1.624497 U.S. dollars
  • 500 ml = 16.9 oz. (which is a size now available in the US)
  • I’m done with the math, but you get it…

Our Twix’s and Chips Ahoy!’s and Milky Way’s and Oreo’s are exponentially shrinking in size maintain a lower price point.  This site details the trend without any additional references, while this site supplies information they acquired from the Hershey Company (I’m highlighting only key moments):

  • 1976 – 1.2 oz… 15 cents
  • 1978 – 1.2 oz… 25 cents
  • 1980 – 1.05 oz… 25 cents
  • 1982 – 1.45 oz… 30 cents
  • 1986 – 1.45 oz… 40 cents
  • 1986 (same year) – 1.65 oz… 40 cents
  • 1995 – 1.55 oz… 50 cents
  • 2003 – 1.55 oz… 80 cents
  • 2007 – 1.45 oz… 79 cents
  • 2010 – 1.55 oz… 95 cents

By this rate, I fear one day all my favorites will be way smaller than I remember, and cost way more than I’d care to pay.

What do they cost on E.T.'s Garden Planet?

Are Reese’s Pieces the sign of the apocalypse? Can they in fact be the proof in the pudding?  (Actually, Reese’s Pieces in vanilla pudding sounds really tasty.)  Let’s have a look…

  • 1.63 oz. bags in 1982
  • 43 g bags in 2010
  • 43 g = 1.51678036 oz.
  • So, I guess not, huh?

Hibbidy-Wah?! The Grand Collection Of Actors! Acting!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Step right up and marvel at the wonder!  Come along and wonder at the marvel!  See Actors! at the top of their games, doing it all for you!

See the cast of The Big Bang Theory smacking their comedy chops for big laughs!

See Kristen Bell (correct spelling) and Christian Bale steal scenes from one another, until they become one!

Experience the range of emotions and desires that only the magnificent Harrison Ford can display!

Watch in fear what would happen if Captain Kirk (born William Shatner) fell off the deep end because of extensive drug use!

Awesome Battle… People I Currently Resemble

Posted on by sgottahurt

Over this weekend, I cleared my scalp and kept my full beard.  These are the select few I’ve been told I resemble, or that I instantly considered my dopplegangers.

To my sister, I took upon the visage of poet Shel Silverstein:

He looks like someone you wouldn't want to meet "Where the Sidewalk Ends"...

To my other sister, Jeff Bridges in his Iron Man baddie-mode, Obadiah Stane:

Can you trust this man? Of course!

To my boss/friend Paul, I became Wooly Willy:

Once upon a time, shredded bits of iron and a magnetic stick was considered fun.

To me, it’s a toss up between these two cartoon characters:

Alex Sector, Agent of M.A.S.K.

D'oh!

ADDENDUM: Speaking of “D’oh!” I forgot to mention that this Matthew McConaughey movie was on TV the day I decided to Bic my noggin:

Van Zan from "Reign of Fire"

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? “The Weaver” In Action

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I used to work at the video store, one of my friends there introduced me to the idea of “The Weaver.”  His definition:

Some actresses look really hot in some movies, and not so much in others… just like Sigourney Weaver.  Hence, ‘The Weaver.’

She hasn’t been around for a while (aside from doing voices in animated films).  Scratch that.  She did three movies in 2008 (Baby Mama, Vantage Point, Be Kind Rewind), but I barely remembered her being in them.

But my point is this – throughout her history in film, sometimes she looked better than others.  To begin, I reference her duality in Avatar:

Why so blue?

In the film, her character even made a reference to her cartoon self looking “hotter” than her actual self.  Rather than me inputting my opinions (not like I ever do this), here are images of some of her major roles.  You can decide which side of The Weaver scale she falls.  (Not included below: Half Moon Junction, because of these NSFW results.)

Alien - Aliens - Alien 3 - Alien Resurrection

The Year of Living Dangerously

Ghostbusters 1 and 2

Gorillas in the Mist: The Story of Dian Fossey

Working Girl

Dave

Galaxy Quest

Heartbreakers

Holes

The Village

Others that fall victim to The Weaver:

Cameron Diaz - Renee Zellweger - Reese Witherspoon

A Handful Of… Horny Birds In The Bush (Warning! No Nudity!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

We’re all animals.  Some of us more than others, of course, mostly because they are animals.

"Playa, playa, playa play on..."

This first video for the Vogelkop Bowerbird (click here) was found on my sister website, Something Knew (because it’s my sister’s website, you see).  These bowerbirds, from my understanding, are masters of seduction.  Using deer poop.

Birds of a feather...

There are over 40 different types of Birds-of-Paradise (click here) in Papau, New Guinea, and every one of them has the ability to flare their feathers in more interesting ways than this lady bird, or this peacock.

In searching for bird pics, I quickly learned that every photo must be preceded by the word "superb." This one was "super superb."

The Lyrebird (click here) isn’t as much of a (what’s the equivalent for “ladies’ man” in the bird kingdom?) as the above two, but I think it’s my favorite of the three.  Mostly because it reminds me of Larvelle Jones from the Police Academy movies.

And then who could forget about this one:

InASense, Lost… Kwedit (As In Credit, For Kids!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Thass wight... Kwedit.

Gawer ’round, gawer ’round, kiddie widdies… have I got somefing fo’ you.  Not a stowy wike your vewy bad dwunk Uncle Sean might tell, but a vewy big suwpwise…

A CREDIT CARD!
…er, I mean…
KWEDIT!

And what’s Kwedit, you might be asking, hence the what at the start of the sentence and the question mark at the end?  Well, howzabout I let Uncle Stephen tell you all about it.  Uncle Stephen?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Worth 1002 Words… Dolphin Uprising Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Evolution Revolution

Some alternates:

  • Higher Porpoise
  • Robo Blowhole
  • Dolphin Lundgren
  • See World
  • Bad Mammal-Jamma
  • H2 Uh-Oh