Month: November 2008

Why Do I Get Butterflies In My Stomach Whenever I See Chris Elliott? (Some Kind Of Answer Below)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m nursing a bit of a ‘gover right now (y’know… shorthand for hangover), so I’m going to roll these out as best as I can.

First order up – Chris Elliott has a daughter, Abby.  Now it’s not weird that this guy has daughter:

And it’s not weird that I’m very attracted to her (her impersonation of Kirsten Dunst):

What is weird is there is a family resemblance…  Maybe that explains why I’ve been dreaming about Chris Elliott for all these years…

Anywhopper, the point of this post is that Abby is joining the cast of Saturday Night Live, as well as Michaela Watkins.  If any of Chris Elliott’s knack for oddball comedy has rubbed off on her (wait, that sounds gross), then SNL will be that much better for having her (and much easier on the eyes… goodbye crush on Kristen Wiig!)

The only good thing to come out of five “Scary Movies”:

JusWondering… Movie Choices That Make Me Go Hmmm…

Posted on by sgottahurt

Why is it so difficult for TV stars to make a successful transition into film?  Is it that we, the viewers, the fans, the general public, have spent so much time with them, that we can’t believe them unless they’ve been typecast?

Hang ups, like a pocket full of Kryptonite!

Hang ups? More like a pocket full of Kryptonite!

...in the clearance bin at Walmart

...in the clearance bin at Walmart

Nah – I just think they have shitty agents.  Why else would “Friends” star, and former painkiller addict, Matthew Perry, be in this —>

Academy Award winner and star of the ever shitty “Mad About You,” Helen Hunt, gets to star in crap like this <—

(FYI – Cousin Ira was okay, in a Balki sort of way.)

After Prop 8, both ways are wrong

After Prop 8, both ways are wrong

As soon as you move your hand lower... lower...

As soon as you move your hand lower... lower...

Is this as good as it gets?  (Sadly for this blog – yes.)  Ask “Ellen” star, um, Ellen Degeneres if she has any regrets about this little diddy from back in the day —>

 Poor, cutesy, chipmunky Neve Campbell, formerly of “Party of Five” (and I’ll at least give her “Scream”) has something on her mind <—

And as an added bonus… who the hell knows where Leelee Sobieski came from, but she has one simple request:

Done and done.

Done and done.

Kiss My Glass (J/K… You Really Should Recycle)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Knowing my cousin, Steve, and his friends, they maaay have been drunk when they made this commercial for one of his classes.  But then again, his classmates might not be his friends, and therefore they weren’t drunk.  Either way, I think they did a smashing job.  (Ha!  It’s about recycling glass!)

They’re in a contest against other students to get the most hits on YouTube.  This is me trying to help out.  That makes me a winner!

In My Brain While Sleeping… Sabotage Live!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This one was a doozy.  It started with Jerry Mathers having his own talk show, named after the remake/update of his old show.  Problems were occurring on set between him and the crew, so they replaced him with Willie Aames.

Buddy... is in charge now bitch!

Insert: Buddy... is in charge now bitch!

Things weren’t going that well for him once he took over either.  He had all kinds of demands and rage fits (in retrospect, I’m beginning to think the crew was the problem).

How they decided to sabotage Willie was to have Subway sponsor a fund raiser he was hosting at a cancer center.  The catch: Subway canned their $5 Foot Long campaign for a new one…

There Willie Aames is... get him!

There Willie Aames is... get him!

Seriously… this was my dream.

INGREDIENTS: Peanut butter on a bagel, way too much blog reading

Drunken Recollection… Grade School Crushologue

Posted on by sgottahurt

Take a step into the barley and hops time machine with, while I recount my early crushes… in poem – I mean, rap:

Trini Alvarado in Altman’s “Rich Kids”/ 
Young Madison in “Splash” when they were just kids/
Princess Leia ridin’ on Jabba’s dirt skiff/
New Leave It to Beaver’s niece, Kaleena Kiff/
Got a little older with Mathilda May/
F-ed up in the head, crushin’ on Lady Jaye/
Jami Gertz was sure one hot Solarbaby/
Kim Cattrall was a doll from Egypt, baby/
Babysit with that babe, Elisabeth Shue/
Debbie Gibson brought love from outta the blue/
Amanda Peterson learned that love is free/
Brooke Theiss… Jamie Luner… how ’bout just us three/
Amy Dolenz is da bomb outta control/
…Still a little f-ed up for diggin’ Ariel…

(I tried to find pictures of them all, but I decided Google image searching kids might not be a smart idea.)

JusWondering… Logos And Low Blows

Posted on by sgottahurt

WTF? FTW!

WTF? FTW!

I do a hell of a lot of driving for my job, and I’m not complaining.  I consider driving sort of a past time of mine.

But every now and again, I catch the Sherwin Williams Paint trucks, and something about their logo always bothered me.

And I’m not alone in this.  A lot of other blogs have discussed that it reminds people of old lead paint lawsuits, that it can be offensive to environmentalists, and my favorite besides it looking like blood – that SWP shares its initials with the Socialist Workers Party (Gobama!)

This got me wondering… how could they adjust this image to make it better?  Turn that frown upside down and make it a fountain!  (Image after the jump.) Read More

Detroit Lions’ Unsung Hero

Posted on by sgottahurt

Forward down the field...

Does not Spight the Lions...

Forget about Daunte Culpepper (for now anyway).  He’s got to get used to the Lions’ shitty defense and shitty offense before he can manage anything with this team.

I want to put a shout out for the one guy at Ford Field that has it the hardest (and I’m not talking about kicker Jason Hanson) – Theo Spight.

He’s the guy on the field that has to get excited, even when the Lions are down 38-7 against the Jacksonville Jaguars, and they just scored against second stringers.

The song has a long history dating back to the 1930’s, which is about the last time they were any good.

Footage from Ford Field:

Live footage rockin’ out with band (at 2:40 mark):

Lyrics to Gridiron Heroes.

Sienna Ya Later, Balthazar!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Does Britain have trailer parks?

Does Britain have trailer parks?

Oops!

“Lord of the Flies” star Balthazar Getty had a wife and four children.  One was a newborn.

The tornado that is Sienna Miller (a “Queen of the Flies,” you might say tongue in cheek… or ahem, something else in cheek) swept him away from his family earlier this year.

Now she has called it quits with him, blaming it on all the public scrutiny.  From Us Magazine:

I’m single at the moment, and I’m completely happy with that. It’s nice not to have a relationship that the press constantly want to scrutinise and discuss. I’m cool with being on my own.

Currently going down at ex-wife Rosetta Millington’s home:

Dragonbalthazar (outside front door): Honey, I’m home!
Rosetta: Who is it?
Nobalthazar: Your sugar puff, BZAR! (Seriously, this is tattooed on his knuckles.)
Rosetta: Go fuck yourself! Oh wait, you already did. Your great grandfather was billionaire oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty, right?
Sunkenbalthazar: Yes… Can’t we settle this already? Just let me in!
Rosetta: Oh, there will be a settlement all right.

Et cetera, et cetera… by the way, Sienna – you can break up my happy home anytime!  Isn’t she such an adorable natural disaster?

Fake Foreign Lisps Is The New Getting Hit In The Nuts

Posted on by sgottahurt

I have not seen “Madagascar.”  I will not see “Madagascar: Escape 2 the Same Continent That Madagascar is Part Of.”  I also have not and will not see “The Love Guru.”

Notice any similarties between these two clips other than the fact I want to put my head in a vice and hook one of those NASCAR bolt removers to its crank?