InASense, Lost… Furries (The If’s, And’s, & Yiff’s)

(UPDATE: Check out pic at the end.)

When I begin to investigate the nature of something which I do not initially understand, I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for the unexpected.  As is the case with the concept of furries, I took a deeper breath, and held onto it for dear life.  Who knew what I’d find.

To begin, allow me to share what prompted this study (via AOTS):

Whenever someone goes to painstaking lengths (I say painstaking because I’m lazy, you see) to create, um, a recreation of this calibre for no real reason, my curiosity is peaked.  Why would anybody make their own version of Dick in a Box for one?  For two – why as anthropomorphic animals?

Immediately, I went to the best source of all truth and accuracy on the web – Mr. Wikipedia himself.  And right off the bat, I was amazed to discover what I understood about furries was completely off.  I’ll get to that in a second.

My opinions had changed because my perception had been changed:

Originally, I had believed that all furries were sexual in nature and creepy in general, and my reaction to the above videos was not cast in a favorable light.  But according to Ms. Wikipedia (I changed my mind about the site’s gender as well, because she’s always right), I learned this:

Many members of the furry community feel that the overly sexual component gives the rest of them a bad name, and may use the derogatory term “furvert” to describe such people…

The term “yiff” is most commonly used to indicate sexual activity or sexual material within the fandom—this applies to sexual activity and interaction within the subculture whether online (in the form of cybersex) or offline…

Most furry fans claim that these media portrayals are misconceptions, while the recent coverage focuses on debunking myths and stereotypes that have come to be associated with the furry fandom…

So as it turns out, those videos aren’t sexual in nature.  They’re just creepy in general. 

(I’m kidding, of course, because who am I to judge.  Do you realize how difficult it is to type with paws?)

He should have been an Ewok.

He should have been an Ewok.

JusWondering… Do We Need 9, Nine, And District 9 When We Already Had The Nines?

I’m well aware that there’s been much ballyhoo about the fact that we’ll see a few movies this year that all have to deal with the Roman Numeral IX.  There’s three – count ’em, three – similarly named, though completely different, films:

And for the record, we already had a Ryan Reynolds flick (as if he’s a genre) two years ago that was called The Nines

What is it about understated titles that these filmmakers and producers find so appealing?  Does it save on toner?  Why couldn’t they have used different numbers, or even letters for that matter?  There are a lot of numbers and letters ripe for the plucking.

In the spirit of beating a dead horse, why don’t we take a look at a gallery of movie posters that kept the titles simple for the hearts and minds and marquee changers of America:

(IN CASE YOU DIDN’T NOTICE: Steven Spielberg has directed three of the above.)

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Foreign Language Top 40 Hits

 

I'm sad because I can't spell, and I don't know if there was ever a sequel.

I'm sad because I can't spell, and I don't know if there was ever a sequel.

When “my boss” Paul was just “my friend” in our youth, he was a music fanatic.  He followed trends and made his own version of Billboard magazine.  That all stopped around 1996.  You can tell by the CD case he keeps in his car. 

 

Top 5 Foreign Language Top 40 Hits (Top That!)

5. Macarena – Los Del Rio 
Per Paul: “C’mon, you know you danced to it when it came out in the mid 90’s.  It’s hard to find five good songs, so here it sits.”

4. La Bamba – Los Lobos
Per Paul: “Slightly hipper version of the 50’s classic from an awesome movie.  Not my Richie, Bob.  Not Richie.
Per me: Can you say a movie about a plane crash is awesome?  But then again, I’d say LOST is awesome, so there.

3. Rock Me Amadeus – Falco
Per Paul: “Sad that Falco dies in a car crash awhile back.  I actually like the remixed radio version better than the original, but it’s hard to find.  Probably THE best song in history about a dead music composer.”

2. 99 Luftballons – Nena
Per Paul: “Pretty good song in English, also.  I like Goldfinger’s remake better than the original.”
Per me: He really likes this song.

1. Sadeness Part 1 – Enigma
Per Paul: “Gregorian chants and a sexy female background vocal make this my number one.  [Natch – Ed.]  Also, it was featured later on in a nude scene from Boxing Helena featuring the hot store clerk from Christmas VacationNicolette Scorsese.”
Per me: I was going to apologize for putting the graphic at the top which gave this entry away, but I instead I’ll say this: I need to see Boxing Helena.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Smoking Weed Where The Sun Don’t Shine

Sometimes I wish I could remember every dream I had, because the ones that I do… whew boy!  Where do they come from?

Last night was no exception.

If there was going to be a visual mash-up of ideas, it’d be best represented by this:

Something something America!

Something something America! AKA Freudians have fun!

Using the above graphic you should be able to ascertain the elements involved… so here’s the gist of the dream.

There was a grouping of triplets (is that how you’d refer to them?), and they were preparing to set a new Guinness World Record.  Grant it, the triplets in the dream were burnout dudes, but I figured why not put the Dahm sisters up because of their, um, patriotism.

The new record they were setting to create?  Who could stay the longest at the bottom of an active volcano.  The location they chose was Hawaii.  The seat of choice was their old green sofa.  The method they chose to pass the time was getting high.

The world was watching, they set the record, and became overnight celebrities.  They even ended up releasing an album with Kid Rock.

I wish I could tell you how long they stayed in the volcano, or that I could regale you with an anecdote of how the brothers lit their joints on molten lava, but I remember none of that.

What I do remember was the commemorative license plate they offered in the fine state of Hawaii:

(Fairly) Artisitic Representation... I'm getting better at this stuff if I do say so myself

(Fairly) Artistic Representation... I'm getting better at this stuff if I do say so myself

 INGREDIENTS: Four pints of $2 Guinness.  And water.

Awful Battle… Music Plus Still Pics? YouTube The Man, Er, Woman, Er, Egg Now, Dog!

I spend a lot of time on the TripleDoubleU.  Well, a lot probably is an understatement of the amount of minutes I’ve allotted to pure waste.  All I know, is it could be worse.  Like, I could have burned the entire Memorial Day weekend away in front of my laptop, and that, um, didn’t happen.

My cousin, Steve, on the other hand, is what I would call a web dabbler.  He dives into the stream of the information superhighway every now and again, and he phishes out some strange finds.  Such as these two videos below. 

Both feature interesting music choices and eclectic slide shows. 

Both took a lot of time to make… but hopefully not an entire Memorial Day weekend.

(BONUS BOTH: May both get stuck in your head!)

Awful Battle, GO!

(Click here for Egg Movie 2… and oh wait, yes!  There is more Linda Gray lovefesting here.  My personal fave?  You can never go wrong with Cascada and staring in the credits.)

Musical Musings… Maybe It’s Regina Spektor (Sing It Like The Maybelline Jingle)

To start off… I know, I know, the last two posts have been kind of lady-centric (which literally meant something way different back in the Old West… say it slowly), so why stop now on this Memorial Day.  In addition to the current state of this blog, my last Musical Musings was about songs sounding the same that may or may not have sounded the same.  Don’t hold that one against my credibility.  Heck, don’t even believe that I have any credibility.  But this time – I think I’m onto something.

Listen to the background music in this Maybelline commercial featuring Adriana Lima (hey guys, at least it’s featuring a Victoria’s Secret model… and a golf ball for some reason):

Now take a listen to Regina Spektor’s On the Radio:

(For the record I was at that Lollapalooza concert performance.  I think you can see me in the crowd at the end. I’m the guy in a striped shirt, clapping. My face was a little blurry that day, so I kind of blend in.)

Now I dare you to go back and listen to the Maybelline commercial and see how they ripped her song off.  (Maybe I should have put them on this page in the opposite order… oh well, deal with it.)

The song is definitely not the original, and amazingly, it’s coincidentally similar.  Kind of like these posters:

OneSheet (Page 1)

sweet_home_alabama

Okay, it’s even closer than these two posters… but still.

Forget My Birthday – I Want A Princess Memorial Day Barbecue!

This needs to happen stat!  (Why does ‘stat’ mean ‘now?’  Does it even mean ‘now?’)  So let’s get to work and watch this video!

Somebody get sand in Ziplock bags.
Somebody wrap said sand-filled Ziplock bags in purple tissue paper.
Somebody sprinkle fairy dust on the Pretty Pink Pathway.
Where are the pink and purple and white helium balloons?  I specifically asked for pink and purple and white helium balloons!
Why does that creepy announcer dude keep laughing to himself?
I don’t care if your hands are sore from cutting out stars!  We need more stars!
What the fuck is that?  It doesn’t even look like a star!  It looks like a fucking claw!  Gah, you’re worthless!
Stop crying!  You’re giving me a headache!
Seriously, if you don’t shut up – where’s all the breakable stuff, ‘cuz I wanna break something on your head!
Peeper get back here and give me back my GD real tiara!
Is it just me, or Gwendolyn way too into letting Peeper lick icing off her finger?
Who had fairy princess music on their iPod?  Don’t tell me I put on my dancing shoes for naught!
I’ll make a fairly good wager that if ‘king dad’ got hit in the nuts holding that sliding princess piñata, he wouldn’t feel it (‘cuz he’s nutless, you see).
Hurry up baking!  I wanna eat the fuck out of that princess cake.
You want your goody bag of treasures, right?  Candy lipstick and bubbles don’t grow on trees!

(via Everything is Terrible)

Drunken Recollection… There Just Aren’t Enough Figure Skating Movies

Yesterday was a bittersweet sports night in Detroit.  On one hand, the Tigers won their seventh straight game (barely… thanks, Zumaya).  On the other, the Red Wings lost in overtime to the Chicago Blackhawks. 

Somehow, through the course of starting the night at Comerica Park and stopping at the bar to watch the second half of the playoff game, the conversation veered to figure skating movies.  Well, it started with the mere mention of figure skating; I steered it toward chatting about film.

The topic: What’s the best movie about figure skating?

The answer: The Cutting Edge (natch).

When I finish this post, I just might watch it again. That is, if I owned the DVD. Who am I kidding? I own it...
When I finish this post, I just might watch it again. That is, if I owned the DVD. Who am I kidding? I own it…

I mean, it could be argued that since Ice Castles was the first, it’s the best by some (I’ve never seen it, but after watching this video featuring its theme song, I feel like I have to).

Some tidbit facts about Ice Castles:

  • There’s a remake coming out next year to coincide with the 2010 Winter Olympics.
  • Star Lynn-Holly Johnson went on to be a Bond Girl to Roger Moore in For Your Eyes Only.
  • Co-star Robby Benson almost won the role of Luke Skywalker in some movie I don’t recall, but he did voice The Beast in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.  He also directed episodes of Friends, apropos of nothing.
  • It’s also a song by Ween.

Arguments for The Cutting Edge:

  • It was awesome.
  • It was funny.
  • It was heartwarming.
  • It spawned a trilogy.
There really need to be five movies to tell the full story.

There really need to be five movies to tell the full story.

According to Wikipedia, there have been only 7 films about figure skating, while

  • skiing gets 9
  • surfing gets 11
  • wrestling and ice hockey get 14
  • (and oh yeah – cheerleading, skateboarding, and rodeo also get 7)

Forget the major leagues and any kind of racing, and you realize Hollywood hasn’t explored other sports all that much.  Especially when you consider that the 14 ice hockey movies include the Mighty Ducks trilogy, a second Slap Shot film, MVP: Most Valuable Primate, and The Guru – heaven help all ice-skating related works.

Happy Find… 5 Second Films

There’s an old math equation that discusses the value of time:

women-are-evil

Okay, it discusses more than (‘>’ in mathese) the value of time, but whatever.  My point is that time equals money, and since there’s not enough time in the world for a good laugh, 5 Second Films is on the job and ready to help. 

Here are a few quick laughs:

(FYI: Tio = Uncle… I guessed this and I’m correcto <–guessed that too!)

(Thanks AOTS)