Forget My Birthday – I Want A Princess Memorial Day Barbecue!

This needs to happen stat!  (Why does ‘stat’ mean ‘now?’  Does it even mean ‘now?’)  So let’s get to work and watch this video!

Somebody get sand in Ziplock bags.
Somebody wrap said sand-filled Ziplock bags in purple tissue paper.
Somebody sprinkle fairy dust on the Pretty Pink Pathway.
Where are the pink and purple and white helium balloons?  I specifically asked for pink and purple and white helium balloons!
Why does that creepy announcer dude keep laughing to himself?
I don’t care if your hands are sore from cutting out stars!  We need more stars!
What the fuck is that?  It doesn’t even look like a star!  It looks like a fucking claw!  Gah, you’re worthless!
Stop crying!  You’re giving me a headache!
Seriously, if you don’t shut up – where’s all the breakable stuff, ‘cuz I wanna break something on your head!
Peeper get back here and give me back my GD real tiara!
Is it just me, or Gwendolyn way too into letting Peeper lick icing off her finger?
Who had fairy princess music on their iPod?  Don’t tell me I put on my dancing shoes for naught!
I’ll make a fairly good wager that if ‘king dad’ got hit in the nuts holding that sliding princess piñata, he wouldn’t feel it (‘cuz he’s nutless, you see).
Hurry up baking!  I wanna eat the fuck out of that princess cake.
You want your goody bag of treasures, right?  Candy lipstick and bubbles don’t grow on trees!

(via Everything is Terrible)

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