Drunken Recollection… The Difference Between Wants And Needs

I learned a couple new things about myself the other night, courtesy of pouring fermented hops down my throat, of course.  Discoveries are rare as they are, so here are my findings.

There Are Things That I Want

Such as t-shirts that broadcast products that I like…


Hey ladies, guess what I drink?


Hey ladies, guess what I've watched?

And There Are Things That I Need

Such as definitely bullhorns on my Honda Civic…


(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Michael Jackson Cartoon Clips

Tact is not in my boss Paul’s vocabulary.  It wasn’t even when while we are friends.  In memory of Michael Jackson, here’s some of his favorite depictions… from two shows.

Top 5 Michael Jackson Cartoon Clips

5. South Park
Blanket can fly, “That’s ignorant,” and who has whose nose?

4. Family Guy
The dancer, the legend, and his crotch.

3. Family Guy
Captain EO is “coming right at me!”

2. South Park
“I’d like to show you my wishing tree!”

1. South Park
“You’re so awesome, Mr. Jefferson!  I’ve got time, do you?”

Hibbidy-Wah?! Black People And White People Buy Furniture?!

I recently found this video of a weird local commercial for, what else, a furniture store:

Consider my mind blown!  This couldn’t be real, could it?  I mean, was it serious?  Did it have lofty goals of promoting racial harmony and couches?  Courtesy of my new skill set (BOOM! Research!), I uncovered this…

Ugh.  I feel defeated.  I wanted that commercial to be legit.  I feel duped like most people did with The Blair Witch Project

(SIDENOTE 1: When I was in high school, parents had to write something great about their kids for the yearbook.  My mom didn’t know what to write, so I wrote my own.  Some girls in my class had told me they thought what my family wrote was really sweet.  For some stupid reason, I told them that I wrote it.  The look on their faces must have been like mine when I watched that second video.)

(SIDENOTE 2: When I saw The Blair Witch Project, I took a friend that did not know it was fake.  He was relatively unaffected by the flick, but the dude in front of me was freaking out when they found that eye, or tongue, whatever it was, wrapped in gauze.  Totally worth it for that.)

So back to the current disappointment.  At least this is real, right?

InASense, Lost… Commercials For Quote-Unquote Religions

I remember being a lad of about 29 years old, and I finally gathered the nerve to ask my mom, “Where do babies come from?”

I often think back to my childhood, and remember Saturday mornings as a kid.  Rolling out of bed from underneath my taped together Garbage Pail Kid posters.  Grabbing a box of Cocoa Krispies and the biggest bowl I could handle.  Turning on the TV without a remote control because we had none.  Zoning out to crappy yet awesome cartoons and the commercials that sold me on Transformers and Star Wars and Centurions and M.A.S.K. with little to no effort.  Then there would come along one of these ads:

Granted, it’s not one of the most heartwarming, but very often, they’d catch me by surprise and effect me on a personal level.  Gee, maybe I should help my neighbor shovel the snow instead of throwing snowballs at them from my fort, I might consider.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that it was a COMMERCIAL FOR A RELIGION!  If I wasn’t born and raised Roaming Recovering Roman Catholic, seeing Jesus H. Christ’s name up there might have been a red alert, but I was, so it didn’t.  (Also, I wasn’t raised in a way that told me we were the only ones that were right, so at least I had that going for me.)

So now this little vid is making it’s way around the web.  I recieved it via a link in an email from frequent idea spurner Dave, and I watched it in similar wonder to the old LSD, er, I mean LDS commercials.  It was beautiful, and in fact made me happy to be alive.  Damn YouTube and their header captions:

I guess what I’m saying is it’s much more effective than this old thang:

In other words, how can so many inches of Tom Cruise can be wrong?  (My guess: 60 of his 67…)