I was waiting to write this (as well as many of my other posts) until I could remember the fourth band I’ve noticed going V crazy. Allow me to introduce to you a possible new V trend. Band names that contain unnecessary V’s:
Now I’m starting to get really mad because the fourth band replaced the U with a V like CHVRCHES did. Maybe y’all can help. Here are their videos to fill space:
When I do figure it out, I’ll be sure to add to the comments section.
And if you’re wondering how can I call this letter injection an impending trend? Let’s see… do you remember the likes of Blink-182, 311, Sum 41, SR-71, Matchbox Twenty, 3 Doors Down, Third Eye Blind, Eve 6, Eiffel 65, Seven Mary Three, Finger Eleven, and Maroon 5? Notice any pattern?
Oh wait! Maybe it’s not the letter V… what if it’s a Roman numeral?
Maroon V anyone?
Perturbs isn’t a word I use often, so thanks Atlas Genius. This song up for examination is called Trojans, and it’s built around this hook:
Your trojan’s in my head.
What the fuck does that mean exactly? This video offers little help other than the lyrics:
Are these self-proclaimed world-holding exceptional intellects (or are they really good at reading maps?) trying to say that someone has put a Trojan Horse in his head? Or is it something else?
“Your Trojan Horse is in my head…”
“Your Trojan Warrior is in my head…”
“Your Trojan Condom is in my head…”
This video will speak for itself, but in case you can’t wait, let me prepare you:
Have you ever wanted to see children deal candy like it was drugs?
Have you ever wanted to see children drink ice tea out of paper bags like it was alcohol?
Have you ever wanted to see the guy that made Rebecca Black’s Friday video and song again?
You’ve been warned:
(SIDENOTE: Tweenchronic most definitely refers to marijuana, right? Well, at least somebody spray paints over “Bieber Fever”…)
At one point in my life, I had an untainted mind (I could barely write that without evoking mental images).
Nowadays, it doesn’t take much for my bowling ball brain to land in the gutter. The latest occurrence involved a song with this title:
SEED TOSS by SUPERCHUNK
I didn’t even listen to the song. My reaction was, “ewww,” and I touched that dial. Here’s the song if you’re interested:
But was my repulsed gut instinct on the mark? Are my sensibilities that warped that I took the gross song title and coincidentally horrible band name to an extreme context of double entendre?
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I envy you. But to confirm or deny my impulse judgment, let’s look at the lyrics (I still refuse to listen to the tune):
‘Cause (and) here you come on your broom
Your mood ring’s turning brown
You will begin to feel it soon
You’re tossing your seeds around
(Read more at SongMeanings)
Okay… so it’s about a girl who’s a witch or a bitch or Joanna Appleseed? The rest of the lyrics add little insight.
Could I be completely off base? Is it just about a girl gardener?
Heaven help my soul.
I forgot all about this song until my good ol’ Sirius XM planted another earworm in my head.
It’s a song by Double about a woman that’s lost her love, and she still awaits his return. What did she call him, or at least think of him as? Wait for it… The Captain of Her Heart.
Only in the 80’s would a woman (even in a song written by two guys) consider her man the captain of anything. Boats were weirdly popular, as were songs about sailing. It was kind of a yuppie thing that even extended into fashion.
If this song was made in any other decade, I wonder what the hook would have been?
In the 70’s, it would have been The Yang of Her Yin.
In the 60’s, it would have been The Bread Winner of Her Children.
In the 50’s, it would have been Together Forever For Better or Worse.
In the 90’s, it would have been The Cock that Dicked Her Over.
In the Aughties, it would have been Rock That Booty on a Boat, featuring T-Pain.
In the 10’s, it would be The Captain of Her C—.
I rather enjoy Flo Rida and his dope beats (does anyone still say that?), but it’s his latest song that I have a point of contention with… it’s called Whistle:
Come on, Flo Rida! You’re barely trying!
SIDENOTE: Back when I wanted to be in a ska band, I decided the moniker would be in the same vein as Flo Rida. The name: NoBraSka.
Now I’m not claiming that these following songs have tact, decency, and cleverness… but at least the subject matter isn’t as obvious. Don’t get me wrong – they’re still cringe inducing. But not as cringe inducing as these lyrics (for illustrative purposes, I’ve removed the word “whistle”):
can you blow my _______ baby, _______ baby
let me know
girl i’m gonna show you how to do it
and we start real slow
you just put your lips together
and you come real close
can you blow my _______ baby, _______ baby
here we go
ANOTHER SIDENOTE: The whistling pleases me, so.
- Lil’ Kim and 50 Cent’s Magic Stick
ONE MORE SIDENOTE: Man, is this song raunchy. I never knew she said magic clit
YET ANOTHER SIDENOTE: I like the line “She wanna lick the rapper”… Get it? Wrapper = rapper? Like for a lollipop, or a dick on a rapper?!
- Bryan Adams’ Summer of ’69
THE LAST SIDENOTE: You knew I wasn’t going to exclude everyone’s favorite Canadian export.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written about songs that have unexplained “that’s” in their lyrics (here and here), or as I called it, obvious ambiguity. So this time around, I’m focusing on songs that are centered around “this.”
MY GUESS OF WHAT THIS IS: Try out to be Fly Girls on In Living Color.
MY GUESS OF WHAT THIS IS: The jam that’s pumping because I need to get to the peanut butter that’s spreading.
MY GUESS OF WHAT THIS IS: Based on the video alone, I’d say acid trip.
MY GUESS OF WHAT THIS IS: Enough D-cell batteries.
MY GUESS OF WHAT THIS IS: Not a remake of Huey Lewis and The News’ If This Is It.