In one of my dreams last night, I watched/participated in the new G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie.
It began rather inoccuously, meaning it didn’t seem at all like G.I. Joe. There was a compound and the team was being built. It was comprised of a bunch of your movie stereotypes (which I won’t go into because it doesn’t bode well for my subconscious). I remember a moment where a group of us were in a steel-decor room and cardboard boxes full of ammo rested on the center table. The captain or general or secretary (I don’t recall) said “Go!” and everyone lunged for the weapons like they were candy, stuffing grenades, guns, and dynamite in their pockets.
I wore a jacket comparable to this one (based on my real-life coat, also from American Eagle):
I also think that the compound was somehow connected to a resort, like in the old episodes of Get Smart. The reason I bring this up is because at one point, after a member of my team falls through a concealed trap door, in searching for him, we fall through a similar hinged entrance.
We end up trapped with our fallen friend in a room on the resort side. The windows are shatter-proof and there are no doors. We can’t escape. Then through the windows, we see a couple that I apparently met earlier. They open the window from a latch outside, but they won’t let us out unless we can name who’s singing the song coming from their bedroom TV next door.
Right away, I know who it is: Shania Twain, and she’s doing a duet with Eurotrash superstar (?) Juraveggio Mugaiojdvkiaw… (I don’t know exactly – it was some weird dream name).
Anyyojoe… my team ends up getting shipped out to do battle with Cobra, and it’s at this point that I realize I watching/participating in the G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie and I’m pissed! It took this long to get to any battles?!
There was a car chase that lead to a field with way too many chain link fences. Bullets! Bombs! Explosions!
I was about to get captured/killed when I realized I had one of those hypersuits (whatever the fuck they’re wearing in this preview), and I started leaping and hopping about, between crater blasts and flimsy fences. Something trips me and I land at the feet of a guy dressed like this:
I walked out of the movie/woke up because I thought it was stupid.
INGREDIENTS: Working 13 hours (and until 1am), 2 Cheesy Double Beef Burritos, 1 24oz. bottle of none other than Mt. Dew