Month: September 2011

Awful Battle… The One In The V-Neck Shirt Vs. The One With Feathers In His Hair

Posted on by sgottahurt

Schadenfreude’s a bitch.

Sometimes finger earplugs just aren't enough.

Simon Cowell’s American Idol X-it strategy, The X Factor, feels more like America’s Got Talent mixed with The Voice than the ratings juggernaut, and the ratings are proof.

The tenth season of American Idol debuted with 26 million viewers, minus Cowell, whereas The X Factor debuted with only 12 million, with Cowell.

Has he gotten too big for his britches?  Or are people burnt out on singing competitions at this time of the year, having just finished with the two mentioned above?

Perhaps timing has everything to do with American Idols success.

Or maybe, it’s the people.

Icon vs. Icon

With Simon Cowell, you get no bullshit, and that’s a bonus.  But he thinks no bullshit don’t stink, so that cancels out his assets.  With Steven Tyler, you (seemingly) had quite a genuine and caring individual that contrasted everything Cowell represented, and there was no looking back.   It probably has something to do with the amount of tail each has had, and the way it was had.

  • Tyler + groupies (+ drugs?) = Crazy, Amazin’, Love in an Elevator
  • Cowell + some woman who passed or accepted all his criticism and cynicism = dollar-sign-eyes sex

WINNER: Steven Tyler

Former Diva vs Former Diva

We already had enough of Paula Abdul before she left Idol, but Jennifer Lopez sounded like a self-entitled nightmare.  Turned out J. Lo was about as nice and pleasant as could seem (she’s not that great of an Actor!), and a hell of a lot more intelligible in her insights.

WINNER: Jennifer Lopez

Insider vs Insider

Randy Jackson seems like the cool, approachable guy in the band, and he probably was when he was in Journey.  L.A. Reid, on the other hand, comes across as a corporate incubus, seeking out the next talent whose life-force he could siphon.  Or a RuPaul impersonator.  Mostly, I judge the new judge based upon the immortal lyrics of P!nk:

LA [Reid] told me, “You’ll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are.”

She’s done a hell of a lot better since being herself, so…

WINNER: Randy Jackson

Tits vs Twit

Okay, this isn’t the proper match up, but who is that British guy taking Ryan Seacrest’s role as announcer or interviewer or host or whatever his role is called?  And Idol wisely gave up the notion of a fourth spot, so why did The X-Factor go with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger?

WINNER: Nicole Scherzinger… tits always win.

Worth 1002 Words… That’s Not Very Nice Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

P. UAW

(via, with actual headline)

Happy Finds… One For Now – One For Later

Posted on by sgottahurt

Write this name down:

Grace Helbig.

Why, you might ask?  Because this girl is gonna be Helbig.  Not big as in huge.  Well, not huge as in large.  Um, not large as in… well, I’ll just say it – not fat.  (But yes to phat.)

Anyyoutube, ever since first catching my attention on G4’s Attack of the Show, I’ve been checking out her vlog: Daily Grace.  And I can’t stop watching.

I don’t think she’s for everybody, but her comedic talents are palpable.  One of her better vids from last year:

I’ve sort of jumped around her catalog, but once I start, I’m mesmerized.  I truly believe her natural skills and natural looks could go over very well on the big screen.  And by big screen, I don’t mean fat screen.

Now back to the small screen… Have you heard this?

The Simpsons might get their own 24-hour channel!

How cool would that be?  I’d probably start watching them again… while in any waiting room… instead of the news.

Hibbidy-Wah?! This Is A Thing Now, Too?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve brought up cone-ing once before, but I had no idea that there would be an anti-movement against it.

If you’re unaware of what cone-ing is, it’s the process of buying an ice cream cone from McDonald’s and grabbing it by the ice cream.  It’s apparently become such an epidemic that the workers are striking back:

Here’s a more sampled collection of exchanges:

I guess if What’s Coming Out of Miley’s Vagina? can become a thing, anything’s possible:

"You ain't never had a friend like me..."

Right weirdo?

Drunken Recollection… Legally Declaring Idiots

Posted on by sgottahurt

monkeyBLOGmonkeyDUNCE

The in’s and the out’s leading up to the development of this, um, development are lost to me, but the concept is simple:

If you get caught doing something stupid, you could be legally declared an idiot.

Now keep this in mind – being legally declared an idiot isn’t the same as being a legal idiot.  There would be no governmental aid or outside assistance.  It’s meant to be more like a scarlet letter, or a dunce cap.  On your driver’s license, or any other permanent record, the word IDIOT would be branded next your name.  Anyone you would date or hire you would know that you’ve done at least one thing stupid.

So what kind of stupid things would get you legally declared an idiot?

  • …
  • …
  • …hmm…

I’ll leave this one up to the lawmakers…

…no need to make a fool (or an idiot) of myself.

But if you have ideas, leave a comment!

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… The Girl With The Drag-On Preview

Posted on by sgottahurt

I thought this preview was The Shit:

It really spoke volumes to me.  (Probably because it is a very loud preview in the theater.)  I’ve been a longtime fan of director David Fincher, and even with his misstep that was the ingratiating The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, I had hopes that The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo could be good.

Until I saw this:

Boooooooooooorrrrrriiiinnnnnngggg…

If I wanted to read the book, I would have read the book.  This follow-up “explanatory” trailer has completely turned me off of the movie.  And that’s Just Shitty…

Unofficial Trilogy… Man’s Mind Trilogy

Posted on by sgottahurt

This has been a topic I’ve intended to set up for a quite while now: a focus on the Unofficial Trilogy.  And since the majority of my posts tend to rally around music or TV, I wanted something that’s solely movie related, hence this.

On more than several occasions, I’ve seen three movies consecutively, or close enough to each other, that all tie into a similar theme.  To initiate this category, I will discuss the Man’s Mind Trilogy.

Look at how dark all those posters are.

Roger Dodger

Ladies… do you think men are pigs?  Are they born that way, or are they made?  That’s kind of the simplest breakdown of this film’s thesis.  It examines the effects of wanting/having/needing sex on the male mind, and how that gets passed down through the generations.  Campbell Scott plays uncle to Jesse Eisenberg, back when Jesse was just Hallie Eisenberg’s older brother, and not an Oscar-nominated Actor!  Who’s Hallie, you also ask?  Remember the Pepsi Girl commercials?

High Fidelity

Author Nick Hornby could have made this list twice (About a Boy was thisclose to making this trilogy), but this one is on here because it examines what men think about relationships.  Every aspect of relationships.  Before they’re in them.  While they’re in them.  Even the flickering relationship men have with the memories of their faded relationships.  And it takes place in a record store.  You know, because records is a metaphor for records, yo!

Fight Club

What does it mean to be a Man in the Modern World?  Fight Club certainly doesn’t pull any punches (ha!) when examining this question.  I won’t divulge the scope or the twist of this film because if you haven’t seen this somehow, I won’t be the one to ruin it.  But I have three parting words for you: duvet… and Bitch Tits.

In Defense Of… This Unlikely, Unlikable Couple

Posted on by sgottahurt

You may not know the names Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stoddard, but if you watch celebrity gossip shows, you know their faces:

This is marriage, with an emphasis on "age."

Yes, this is the happily wedded couple consisting of the 51-year-old Actor! and the 16- or 17-year-old Country Singer(?)!  Many uproarious reports have been filed and fed to the public, but I’m here to *ahem* defend them.

Why have I waited so long?  Basically, the bottom of the barrel has been scraped away, and they are what’s left.

To begin, I’m not going to get into any of the age junk; I’m more interested in the weirdness factor.  That’s the only thing I can defend.  They’re getting their own reality show, and it begs the question – is this what they’re all about?

Let’s examine other trainwrecks that have had their own reality shows:

In reality TV, their show would simply be a combination of The Real Housewives and Toddlers & Tiaras, and both of those are certifiable hits… and certifiable misses.

JusWondering… What Song Titles Would Make Really Good Movie Titles?

Posted on by sgottahurt

What do Roy Orbison, Neil Sedaka, and Phil Phillips all have in common, other than you probably have no idea who they are?

They have nothing to do with this movie, that's for sure.

Guessing that they’re all singers is the cheap answer; the real answer is that they’ve all had movies named after their songs: Phillips’ Sea of Love, Sedaka’s Calendar Girl, and Orbison’s Pretty Woman and Only the Lonely.  (I was going to add Huey Lewis and The News to that mix, but I don’t believe Jacob’s Ladder: The Movie was named after Jacob’s Ladder: The Song.)

So I started JusWondering, what other song titles could make good movie titles?

The year is 2053.  God is dead.  Only a handful of sentries can hold the world in balance, and they are… the Karma Police.

From the producers of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain, here comes Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand… starring whoever is the next Jim Carrey in a serious role, or a twit Brit like Hugh Grant.

The long-awaited sequel to Al Pacino’s 1975 classic, Dog Day Afternoon.  Follow Sonny Wortzik’s life after prison, and Leon Shermer (Chris Sarandon) as a woman.

Look!  In the air!  Is it a bird?  Is it another flying animal that makes musical noises?  It’s Piano Man!

The video for this song is already like a movie:

(SIDENOTE: Did you know Ryan Gosling’s latest, Drive, is named after the Incubus song?  Did you know I made that up?)

Musical Musings… (Love)Sick Puppies

Posted on by sgottahurt

I really dig this song:

Initially, I thought this line was what did it for me:

You all hate your children/ They’re too fat to feed

But now, I’m beginning to realize I’ve been drawn in by the bass lines.  Namely, the bass player… Emma Anzai:

Creating this image made me feel like an obsessed fourteen year old fan. It was not pleasant. (It was.)

Considering the fact that the Sick Puppies hail from Australia, this means Emma Anzai is Australian (amazing, no?)… and I love their accents (probably due to Olivia Newton-John, but this is not her time and place).

This entire situation might explain my heightened interest in travelling down under…