Month: April 2011

JusWondering… Is This Another Controversial Call?

Posted on by sgottahurt

The Detroit Lions certainly have a catch in wide receiver Calvin Johnson.  Early last season, there was a bit of a controversy regarding one of his catches, and whether it was a completion or not:

But I recently saw this commercial, and it surprised me:

Did it surprise me because they didn’t mention Johnson played for the Lions?  No.

Did it surprise me because the Lions are owned by the Ford family and Acura is owned by Honda?  Sorta.

Did it surprise me that Calvin Johnson would drive an Acura?  Yes.

Of all the cars out there, it stunned me that an NFL player would choose to endorse Acura.  That’s the latest controversial call.

Now an Olympic skier, on the other hand, I can see… (and Ashleigh McIvor’s a Canadian to boot):

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Stan “The Man” Lee

Posted on by sgottahurt

The Golden Age, Silver Age, and Old Age of Stan Lee

There are few celebrities I’ve had the chance to interact with (and surprisingly, I’ve not yet done a post on that… hmm), and Stan Lee is one of them.

If you don’t know who Stan Lee is, you’re an idiot I’ll sum it up like this… Wikipedia entry:

He co-created Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, the Avengers, Iron Man, the Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, Doctor Strange, and many other fictional characters, introducing complex, naturalistic characters and a thoroughly shared universe into superhero comic books.

Not bad, right?

My exchange with him occurred at a book fair at UCLA some many years back.  He was taking questions from the audience, and he pointed sort of toward me, so I stole some other guy’s question.

STAN LEE: Okay, I was pointing at the other guy.  What’s your question?

ME: Many current writers consider you their inspiration.  What writers inspired you?

STAN LEE: Oh, I’d say all the great ones… Shakespeare, Dickens, blah blah blah…

(SIDENOTE: I don’t really remember the extent of his answer, but my question was pretty good, right?)

Anyuatu, as for his more recent endeavors, I don’t think he’s firing on all radioactive spider bites.

Remember Stripperella?

Yup. This happened.

Remember Mosaic and The Condor?

Mosaic's a chameleon, but not in this scene. I couldn't find any chameleon scenes.

The Condor's a super skateboarder. Voiced by Fez from That 70's Show.

And now there’s going to be The Governator?

"Cal-e-forn-e-uh!"

That’s not Just Shitty, that’s Super Shitty.

Hibbidy-Wah?! WTF Is Wrong With Skittles Candy?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know if these air on TV, but I’ve only just discovered them.

What they do they have to do with Skittles?  I have little idea.  But if these rainbow-colored, bite-sized candies made me trip rainbow-colored, bite-sized balls anywhere near the level the makers of these commercials had to be… I’d probably still not eat them.  I’m more of a Reese’s or Twix guy – their commercials only make me think of two things getting mixed together or pause.

Drunken Recollection… Different Types Of Hot

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is an old battle I’ve been meaning to revisit for quite some time.  It’s a war of semantics and the preferred way of getting my hands dirty.

The alcoholic argument I’ve had with cohorts goes like so:

In any given situation, with any given group of girls, one girl is always the hottest…

Sometimes the bar has been set so low that the hottest girl might not be as hot in other situations…

Thus she is __________ hot.

This is the point of contention.  What word best describes the type of hot:

CLASSROOM vs. WORKPLACE

To illustrate my point, let’s use Blake Lively and Eliza Dushku as objects subjects:

Here they are in basic bathing suits.

Both look stunning in their conservative attire, and are definitely above par for the course of this discussion.  Nonetheless, let’s imagine two rooms full of regular women, with one of them in each room.

For Blake Lively, she would be designated hot of course.  But would you say she’s CLASSROOM hot?  Meaning that in any given classroom situation, she’d be the hottest girl?

For Eliza Dushku, would you prefer the term WORKPLACE hot?  Meaning that any workplace, she’d be the hottest girl?

Classroom vs. Workplace

Okay.  I’m probably not making myself clear here.  I’m getting distracted by the pretty ladies.

Which term is the better classifier?  I argue CLASSROOM because you’re a part of a smaller group within the larger machine – SCHOOL.

Some friends argue that it seems creepy, and that WORKPLACE works as a better classifier.  I would retaliate with the fact that we’re discussing classifications, but I did use the word work… so I’ll say that if they said BOARDROOM hot, they’d be on the same page.

But maybe we’re all wrong, and there is only one clear way to explain this idea of the regular girl rising to the top of regular girls to become hottest – and no, it’s not the HIGHLANDER way of “There can be only one!”  But it is just as nerdy:

COMIC CON HOT

For your consideration..

The proof in the figgy pudding, Jessica Nigri (also known as The Comic Con Girl or The Pikachu Girl):

Shirt open, case closed.

Worth 1002 Words… Birthday Cake Pillow Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Sweet Dreams

Some alternates:

  • Layer Down
  • Tirami-so Tired
  • Bed Crumbcake
  • Birthdays Suck
  • (The) Morgue (the) Merrier

(via)

UnHappy Find… F—ing Stupidest Calendar Ever

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know if it was because hunger lead to my grumpiness, or the P.O.S. computer I was working on was a P.O.S., but upon staring at this fucking calendar* I became furious at its moronic attempt at “humor.”

For your consideration – the month of April, courtesy of the Fucking Stupidest Calendar Ever:

This makes me want to commit murder.

For those of you unfamiliar with Murphy’s Law, it means:

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Ironically. this calendar follows that adage to a T.  And that “T” equals “Terrible.”

TOTALLY FUCKING TERRIBLE!

Let’s break this master P.O.S. down.   Someone took the time not only to write this advice:

Always go over the blueprints with the plumber before starting a building project.

They also compounded the comedy by drawing a nonsensical picture of a man getting hosed by NOT ONE BUT TWO extremely misplaced pipes that are jutting out of a busted up wall.

HE SHOULD BE FIXING THE BUSTED UP WALL!

AND THEN (!) throw in the stupid little dude in the corner, whom I presume to be the eponymous Murphy, stating:

I should have worn a wet suit.

WHO THE FUCK WEARS A WET SUIT WHEN DOING CONSTRUCTION!

It was a very strange feeling I had, staring at this work of garbage push-pinned to the wall.  The level of upset I attained makes me consider psychiatric help.

If you’re interested in ordering this calendar, go here, but know that we can no longer be friends.  If you do go there to check out the other months, you are a certifiable masochist.  And you can leave me your email address in the comments.

Sigh.  I’m going to go to the bathroom to get some fresh air.

*Enjoy how I used “P.O.S.” instead of “Piece of Shit” but I still said “fucking?”  This is what that Murphy’s Law calendar has reduced me to…

In Defense Of… Justin Bieber

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s about that time for a new category, and this is one I’ve had an idea about for quite some time.

The premise is simple and it’s this:

Take a hated subject and write a polemic against the againsts.

I won’t argue for it.  I won’t praise it.  I’ll just defend it, hence In Defense Of.

So who better to start with than the one and only teen heart-throb and bane of most h8rs existence, Justin Bieber:

For example, I want to say, "With a fivehead like that I understand the bangs!" but I won't.

In the spirit and honor of this new post, I’ll begin with this:

  • Justin Bieber is nothing new… he’s merely the latest incarnation of a time-honored tradition.
  • Like the world’s oldest profession, the heart-throb is a mainstay.
  • “The Heart-Throb” is a product of the times, not a producer.
  • Much like how this nation elected a philanderer when our morals were at their lowest, an imbecile when we were most scared, and someone completely different when we wanted something completely different, Bieber is an unassuming girly boy in an era when women are seeking out effeminate, metrosexual men, for the most part.
  • Plus, young girls are kinda dumb and prone to clustered thinking… he was basically in the right place at the right time (on YouTube).

Much hullabaloo is also made about his hair.  So… does anyone remember Joey Lawrence?

Whoa!

He started out as a tyke on Nell Carter’s Gimme a Break! but really gained fame using the above catchphrase on Blossom.  Then he took a stab at a music career:

But his heart-throb status faded through the years, and the same will happen to Bieber.  Heck, Bieber has already made his appearance on CSI: Las Vegas… Lawrence appeared on CSI: New York just four years ago!

So the way I look at it is this:

Ignore him.

Maybe even start to like him.

My sisters used to have their walls plastered with New Kids on the Block posters and their room filled with paraphernalia.  By the time Step by Step came out, I stopped fighting with them about their obsession.  I even admitted to start enjoying their music.  The posters didn’t last much longer after that.

To close, I’ve made these diagrams:

InASense, Lost… Color.com Is The Next Big Thing? Really?

Posted on by sgottahurt

To begin, anyone remember Google Wave?  It was the giant’s attempt to get a foothold on the social networking scene, and it was one huge misstep*.

Welcome to the latest entry in the monkey house… Color.com:

Their website. Dramatically lacking an array of color.

The concept is simple in the evolution of the scene.

  1. MySpace rips off Friendster.
  2. Facebook perfects MySpace.
  3. Twitter pares down Facebook.
  4. Color pares down Twitter and Facebook.

It’s just pictures.  Flickr for the instant mobile set.  (Should have been called Blinkr.)

Here’s the founder of Color discussing it, I guess (I didn’t even watch it):

So the question that remains – am I going to install the app on my iPhone?  Probably.  Seeing as how I dragged my feet on theTwitter thing years ago, and I eventually signed up.  Top that with the fact that I recently (finally) setup a Facebook account (accidentally if you believe me), there’s no stopping me now.

…I’ll let you know how it is as soon as WordPress figures out a way for me to promote this blog on it.

*Ha!

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… The Baxter Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Nice guys finish the second banana last.

There’s a little known movie by Michael Showalter (of The State and various other failed endeavors) called The Baxter, and according to the main character in the film, a Baxter is:

The nice, dull guy in a romantic comedy who is dumped at the end of the story for the protagonist.

This So, Duh! Pop Quiz is all about the Benjamins Baxters.  I’ll name several movies in which the Actors! were the dumpees, and you name the Actors! (HINT: One is an Actress!)

1)  Sommersby – Sleepless in Seattle – Malice – Lost Highway (kinda)

2) Hot Shots! – Bram Stoker’s Dracula – Liar Liar

3) The Notebook – Superman Returns – Enchanted – X-Men series (kinda)

4) The English Patient – Shakespeare in Love – Then She Found Me – The Accidental Husband – Mamma Mia!

5) In Love and War (kinda) – Forces of Nature – Premonition (kinda) – All About Steve

See all the dumpees after the jump. Read More

Musical Musings… It’s All Open To Interpretation

Posted on by sgottahurt

I always like to imagine how different directors would make well-known movies different.

For example, imagine if Steven Spielberg directed Martin Scorcese’s Taxi Driver.

Or if Quentin Tarantino directed Michael Bay’s Transformers.

Or if Tim Burton directed Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins… wait, never mind.

Here’s comedian Matt Mulholland’s very sorta serious take on Rebecca Black’s Friday:

What a difference tonal, um, differences make…

There’s more Matt Mulholland after the jump. Read More