Imagine the year is 1982…

You’re Neil Diamond, and you just walked out of the movie theater with (then) married friends, Carol Bayer Sager and Burt Bacharach.

Together you’ve witnessed what you consider is probably the greatest children’s movie of all time – Steven Spielberg’s E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.

United, you are so moved beyond words that it screams to come out in song.

After all, between the three of you, you’ve written Sweet Caroline, Nobody Does It Better, and Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head.  And the result is this:

How fucking corny and fucking lovely is that song?  Ironically, it was Diamond’s eighth (and last) top 5 hit on the chart (according to his Wikipedia entry).

Now do you want to hear the exact opposite of that?