Real Caption: “Don’t tase me, Bro… dy!” I imagine he said, whilst getting tased.
Another Caption: I am to electric bolts what Perez Hilton is to penis drawings.
For whatever reason, prior to his reappearance in the news, I had a dream that was hanging out with Brody Jenner (do I credit him as the son of Bruce Jenner, the step-brother of Kim Kardashian, or a cast member of The Hills?), but not in a Bromance sort of way, though.
As a self-described ladies’ man (I have no proof he claims this, but I have no doubt he claims this), he was acting as my dating guru. His advice:
Repeat what you do every hour.
Apparently, when you take a girl on a date, just perform a variation of your actions every hour. It was like a Philip K. Dick theory about time loops sort of thing. Believe me, the suggestion made sense in the dream, and it still carries a resonance in my noggin that’s difficult to convey.
Maybe it’s like true knowledge, in the sense that it must be learned and not taught.
Or maybe Brody Jenner can visit you in your dreams, in whatever capacity you prefer…
INGREDIENTS: Leftover Parmesan garlic boneless Buffalo Wild Wings. Yum.