Worth 1002 Words… Squirrel Photobomb Edition
Say Acorn!
Some alternatures:
- Lovers’ Squirrel
- F-Stopping By
- Got Nuts?
- Wandering Rodent
- Squirrel, Interrupted
Month: August 2009
Hey Avatar, Meet Delgo…
The new preview for James Cameron’s Avatar reminds me of something… It was another pet project that spent way too much money and didn’t quite wow. What was it called?
(BONUS! An extensive article from The Onion’s AV Club about Delgo, and a thorough breakdown of Avatar’s preview courtesy of Spout Blog.)
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Musical Musings… Taylor Swift’s Sk8r Boi
Taylor Made In Heaven
I might be setting myself up for ridicule here, but I sure do enjoy the lilting voice of Taylor Swift. (I’ve talked about her before, and thus handed in my man card.)
I enjoy women singers in general, but the ones that write their own material… they really get through to me. My stonewalled heart crumbles for these ladies, so go ahead and pick away while my guards are down.
On that note (pun!), allow me to get to my latest musing…
While watching the music video for Taylor’s new song, You Belong With Me, I was reminded of another (though not-quite-as-lilting) songstress… Avril Lavigne. Namely, her tune Sk8r Boi kickflipped into my brain.
Both songs deal with the same idea of a guy with the wrong girl and the right girl is right in front of you, but at second glance (the visual as opposed to the aural), I was reminded moreso of a different diddy: Girlfriend (which in turn ripped off the Rubinoos’ I Want To Be Your Boyfriend, but I digress).
Both videos feature multiple performances by the singer with different colored hairstyles, and in each video, their alter egos fight over a boy. (Christina Aguilera did the same thing in her Candyman video, as did Britney Spears in Toxic, although they weren’t competing with themselves. I think Mariah Carey did it once, too, but that’s where I’m drawing my line of research.)
I guess what I’m trying to say is two things:
- I like Taylor Swift’s version of the age old, um, video (because she’s cute).
- I’m changing my desktop background to this (because she’s cute):
Didn't intend for this image to be so creepy...
"I said C U L8R, Avril..." - sk8rmunki (my old desktop background)
Happy Find… A Guide To Getting Yourself Beat Up Trying To Be Cool
I want to kick everyone’s ass involved in the making of this video. Fucking seriously. Watch it and tell me you don’t feel the rage:
The above clip (which should have been called How To Be A Spaz!) exists courtesy of a site I’m looking forward to exploring further called Video Home System, and that’s the true Happy Find. (Must remember to watch Show Off! anytime I need to get pumped up for a game of murderball, or actual murder… breathe… breathe…)
They share the similarly lofty goal that Everything is Terrible and Videogum, um, share:
To shed light on the unbearable world of previously produced crap, let it dry out in the sun, and hopefully grow some hallucinogenic mushrooms for consumption by all.
(Truer words have never been spoken… by me.)
The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Toy Commercials
From shitty to shittier indeed...
Let’s face facts… kids are dumb. I don’t mean the concept of them (entirely), but they’re suckers. Hell, we were just as gullible in our youth.
But back in the day, marketing firms fostered (word choice!) our imagination when they sold to us, and look at the consumers we’ve become today.
Here’s a commercial for an 80’s toy probably no one remembers called Army Ants. The promo was eventually pulled from the airwaves due to the fact the toys moved by themselves (and since kids are dumb they might think they’re alive… oh no!) Remember, this took place before warnings were placed on coffee to remind people that coffee is fucking hot, so the idea of putting a notice on the bottom of the screen never crossed anyone’s mind.
Now here’s a commercial for the toyline based on the new G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra movie:
Where’s the fun in that commercial? I smell no sense of adventure. I envision no afternoon of making those vehicle crash into each other. It’s all tell, and no show! Sure, there’s hints of scenes from the movie, but where’s the poking other bugs in the squishy and squashy guts, whether I have to make them do it or they do it to themselves (since they’re alive, you see).
To be fair, they are completelysort of different toylines, so I’ll draw upon an old G.I. Joe toy commercial for apples to Apple Paltrow Martin‘s sake:
Fucking Refrigerator Perry?! Seriously, a Chicago Bear is on G.I. Joe, and he kicks major Cobra ass?! And I can call him and get in on the action with only four certificates (and a 50 cent phone call plus $1 handling charge)?!
See the difference?
SIDENOTE: I recently won a chance for a free haircut at a salon that panders to men and, to be honest, that I don’t quite frankly trust, but I went anyway. (It was free…) Upon leaving and realizing it wasn’t a complete hack job, I tipped the stylist $2 and $1 in quarters. It was all I had. She made a face, and I left. Haircuts are normally $16, so I don’t know if she expected $5 or more on a FREE haircut, but it did make me wonder… what can you buy for $3 nowadays? Cigarettes? No. A beer at the bar? No. Two 20 oz. bottle of Mtn. Dew? Sometimes. Seeing that I could have got Refrigerator Perry for $1.50 really got me thinking…
InASense, Lost… Getting Drunk With The Tiny Toons
Where's the Sunny D and purple stuff?
I just read an interesting fact idea this week. I don’t recall it verbatim, but the gist was this:
If alcoholic products were invented today, they’d never make it through to market.
One might think this is interesting, poignant, and sobering (these might all be redundant, but I’m too lazy, sluggish, and apathetic to double-check), but I find it harrowing. If it wasn’t invented oh-so-long ago by the monks, Jesus, the French, and Siberians, booze might have to be procured by illegal means. And what would I do at the bar and sporting events were that the case? More importantly, how would ugly people do the kamanawanaleia?
And as a bystander caught in the crossfire of a ripple in the time-space continuum that lead lead to alcohol’s disappearance, this Tiny Toons cartoon would have never existed:
This bit came from an episode entitled Elephant Issues, and as far as I’ve looked into it, it’s only aired once in this country (September 18, 1991).
A few problems I found with the segment:
- When I had my first sip of beer, I got “the shakes” which was not depicted well by the characters. Nowadays, I call that shaking “getting my groove on.”
- After one sip, they all start belching to a tune. I don’t know about the ladies out there, but to myself and most men, belching in key is a big selling point for beer.
- The references to bars and money and martini glasses feels incomplete. Where are the silhouettes of strippers? Amiright?
- If that bottle was a forty, I’d believe it could last that long and trash a couple of kids animals Tiny Toons. But I’ve seen them get shot in the face, fall off cliffs, and get blown up by dynamite. One 12 oz. bottle… not buying it.
- And about that solo 12 oz. bottle being the only thing in the fridge at the beginning… that looked a lot like my fridge!
- The entire thing is in insulting to hobos and drunks everywhere.
- And man, was that animation kinda crappy, or what?
I think Buster, Hampton, and Plucky need the Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue!
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The Battle To “Turnover” A New Leaf
An explanation may be required: Coinkydink = Coincidence and Coinkydonk = Not. Happy now?
Came in second as the new team logo
The play that scored
Today the new and “improved” Detroit Lions make their debut against the Atlanta Falcons in the first game of the preseason. Considering the Lions haven’t won a game in quiiiiite awhile, do they have it in them to win?
They haven’t won in so long that a play was produced earlier this year in Los Angeles entitled Lions. Its plot synopsis:
It’s the 2007 NFL season and the Detroit Lions are on a winning streak — unfortunately John Waite is not. With his lifelong friends at The Tenth Ward Club, he places his hopes on his team, and attempts to escape the creeping demise of his city, and of his way of life.
If anyone remembers that season, it’s the one that started with a winning bang (8-0), peaking with the 44-7 win over the Denver Broncos, then ended with only one more win out of the eight remaining games. And how could you forget a completely winless 2008 season?
Here’s where the Coinkydink or Coinkydonk sneaks in… former Falcon quarterback Michael Vick just signed to play for the Philadelphia Eagles, so he’s back in the news after being released from jail for underground dog fighting and animal abuse. Both teams have some dark recent history to overcome, and in this game, who will rise to the challenge?
So is it fate? Or just the luck of the draw?
Hibbidy-Wah?! The Worst Song You May Ever Hear
Play him off, cat piano!
By now it’s safe to say that almost everyone has heard about keyboard cat (or should it be Keyboard Cat, like a proper name). Within a few more days, it will be equally safe to assume that everyone will have heard of the above contraption called the katzenklavier, or in English, the cat piano. Okay, maybe that meme won’t hit as big, but it doesn’t make its concept any less shocking.
Basically, the way it works was this:
Cats (or picture kittens to make it more horrific) are arranged according to the tone of their meow (or in this case, whine… not to be confused with “case of wine” which of course would go well cheese, and mice like cheese… um, what was I talking about?) Then their tails are stretched out and fastened underneath each of the device’s keys, and under each key – a nail. I think you can figure the rest out.
Don’t worry. They’re barely in existence anymore. Only singers like Miley Cyrus and groups like the Jonas Brothers still make use of them.
And speaking of brothers, it’s about time to get to the Worst Song You May Ever Hear! (Not to be confused with Worst Band Ever!) Performed by the Wilburn Brothers (and oh, will they) in 1959, Knoxville Girl isn’t just bad… it’s wrong.
(via Heartless Doll)
Awfool Battle… Invisibility Pranks
See no evil, catch no evil...
If I told you most people are gullible, would you believe me? Also, did you know that “gullible” is the only English word not in the Webster dictionary? And did you realize that the man in the above picture can actually turn invisible?
Anywhogoesthere, here are three pranks centered around invisibility, and I’m not sure which of the victims would most likely answer yes to any of the above questions.
AWFOOL BATTLE… GO!
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JusWondering… Can Other States Have Michigan Lefts?
Why everyone living in Michigan Left... ha!
This is a post I’ve been wanting to write since November, but I never found my angle. My basic issue:
Why do we have Michigan lefts?
They are my mortal enemy, and I plan routes to avoid their gas- and time-consuming design. I would have went off on a major diatribe about their history (to eventually piss me off) and reason for existence (to actually piss me off), but then I thought:
What other driving annoyances could be named after other states?
For example, people that make wide turns drive me crazy (pun… ha!), so why not name them after the fattest state in America:
Mississippi Wide Turn
On his way to get Kentucky Fried Chicken?
Or how about people that never use blinkers, that cut other cars off without noticing them, or that brake when they’re merging? Florida could best represent them because of the old people and their road wandering ways, but that’s too easy. That’d be like naming traffic jams after California, or paid turnpikes after New Jersey or Ohio. Wait! Where are some of the most erratic drivers in this nation? Got it:
New York Merging
Just don't tell him I said this
Then there’s the opposite end of that spectrum. People that don’t turn off their turn signal, that slow down or stop in the wrong lane to make a left or pull into a parking lot, or that swerve erratically. It could be the old people again, or even the young this time, but I’m saving Florida for something else. Let’s call this style of driving:
California Dreaming
"I have a date with Destiny. And it wasn't cheap!"
And here’s one annoyance that needs little introduction:
Florida Tailgaters
I guess it could mean you're partying just as well. Cheers!
My last suggestion might need some back story (side story?), so here ya go… I’ve always dreamed of going to Alaska to experienceeither the summer or winter solstice (or both), or to have a chance to witness the northern lights. Then someone had to pop their little head up into the social consciousness and make me reconsider everything, hence the:
Alaskan U-Turn
"U-turn me right 'round, baby, right 'round, like a hockey mom..."
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 
