Drunken Recollection… Drinking Math Still Sucks

Math is fun (yeah, right).  And as I’ve mentioned before, drinking math is not.

So today, I’m just going to lay out some basic numbers when it comes to me and my imbibing.

  • Number of miles that I’m able to handle a hangover: 21.44
  • Maximum number of hours I can handle working: 6.5
  • Maximum number of hours I can handle drinking: 8
  • Percentage of beer left in bottle before I order next bottle: 50
  • Number of days per week I’m at the bar: 4
  • Number of days per weekend I’m at the bar: 1
  • Average time I should stay at each bar on St. Patrick’s Day: 2
  • Amount of bars I would like to visit on St. Patrick’s Day: 6
  • Amount of bars I will actually visit on St. Patrick’s Day: 3, tops

Also, here’s a chart I made based on many experiences:

Dmitri Martin eat your Taco Bell heart out!

Demetri Martin eat your Cheesy Double Beef Burrito out!

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Future Is Fast And Its Music Is Questionable

The dream took place in a future world where time moved even faster than now.  People spoke in short two phrase/syllable sentences to communicate.

I was asking a girl to go to a concert with me, and it went something like this:

Me – “You me?”

Her – “Am gone.”

Me – “Hear muse?”

Her – “Who?”

Me – “Wi-Phi.”

Her – (she paused, but not for long) “O.K.”

Now, you may be wondering who is Wi-Phi in this future world.  Answer:

wilson_phillips

"Hold on for one more century..."

But they looked a little more like this:

girlsaloud

I never remember... should I take the red pill or blue?