I Googled wake up call. This picture of Charlize Theron showed up as a result. I used it. Welcome to my train of thought.
I know Thanksgiving is far behind us, but I wasn’t writing this blog actively then, so I need to say this now: I’m thankful for my job. Now, I could be big about it, and be thankful mostly that I have a job, but let me be small. I’m thankful for my job because I pretty much start whenever I want (I try to be there before 10am), and I can find time to work on this – my master-of-stolen-minutes-work.
That having been said, sometimes I do have to be responsible and wake up early. On occasion, I’ve even had to be at a client by 7am! The night of this dream, that was the case.
So in this dream, there was a study that was conducted, and I was privy to the results. The study’s tagline:
Who has the most recognizable voice in the world?
I’ll save the results for after the jump… Read More
As usual, what the fuck is wrong with my subconscious?
In this particular dream, I met Don Rickles and after hanging out for a few drinks, he let me in on a top-secret project he was working on. He told me that he and Garry Shandling had an upcoming talk show set to debut on FOX called “It’s Garry!”
It would take place in a boxing ring within a smoky environment, and there would be only two chairs facing each other, like Tom Snyder’s old Late Late Show. Rickles would man the pull-down boom mike and would act as the trainer; Garry would portray different personalities for each interview, with names like Harry, Jerry, and Barry.
I guess it might look something like this:
It’s been a while since I’ve edited me some photos…
I would totally watch this show, and not just because I invented it without trying…
(SIDENOTE: Here’s Garry in his original uncomfortable environs…)
This by far has to be one of my strangest dreams… and that’s saying a lot.
It involved the old entertainment powerhouse Blockbuster:
Why don’t keyboards have cent signs anymore?
You see, they sent out emails and letters asking any and all of their former customers one specific statement:
If you have a credit card that you are not currently using, please allow us to max out its cash advance. We will cover all the monthly payments and the interest. We are only doing this to have liquid assets. For participating, you will have unlimited free rentals until we’ve paid our debt on your card.
In a bizarre way, it seems logical. But could anyone really trust Blockbuster after their whole No Late Fees debacle? Wow, what a difference 27 years make…
This is one of those dreams that I shouldn’t share because, quite frankly, it made no sense. So here we go! (With pictures! (And videos!))
I was a writer on Saturday Night Live.
And I was proud about a skit I wrote in which adults were trying to pass each other holding on the top pole of a swing set.
But then they ended up having Krazy Glue hard hats on and stayed in place.
I ran into President Obama at a shopping mall and told him the skit’s premise. He did not find it funny.
Oh yeah… did I mention it was Lingerie Day? All over the mall, women were only wearing lingerie.
And how could I forget to tell you it was coincidentally also Free Ice Cream Day?
But to get free ice cream, you needed a ticket from a sponsor. Every sponsor I checked in with ran out.
I decided I was going to eat ice cream anyway since there was so much leftover. As I moved in, a friend that was working gave me permission to pig out.
That’s when I shared my theory on food portions:
When free food is provided, you should take a fair portion first. Once everyone has gone through the line, you can take a second helping of a higher portion. This does not apply to pizza. More pizza can only be taken in the third round.
That’s about when I overheard a man tell his wife: “You told me not to think!”
My punchline: “She had to tell you not to do that?”
I’d like to think if he was still there, this was his response.
Then I awakened to this song playing on the radio:
It's a coincidence all three of these films are about drugs.
They all appeared in a dream! (Thank glob it wasn’t… well, just thank glob it was what follows.)
I was in some mall, in the outskirts of the food court near Game Stop. I was vaguely aware it was Easter Sunday for some reason, and I found a couple other people who seemed to be waiting for something. So asked them if they were there to play soccer like I was, and they were, so I joined them.
Not too long after, Paul Rudd showed up. He double-checked if we were the group, and once we answered, he kept his face buried in his cell phone.
James Franco arrived next. He wasn’t that interested in mingling either, otherwise I would have asked for him to autograph something for my mother (she loved him on General Hospital.)
The last to make it was Ewen McGregor, and he was the most social, despite keeping his sunglasses on. I don’t remember much else besides this except for the thought that I awakened with:
On the soccer field, would I call him Ew for short? That sounds too much like “you”…
When I awakened from this subconscious adventure, I was left with echoes of one question:
Where the fuck did this dream come from?
The star of this nocturnal transmission:
Babs, Ever The Stalwart (not an anagram, but it looks like one)
I don’t watch The View, but I’m constantly aware of it. If it’s not featured on some random website, then Joe McHale skewers it somehow on The Soup. But I watch that show on Wednesdays. I didn’t have this dream anywhere near Wednesday…
Anybabawahwah, I should at least be flattered by my subconscious. It was her birthday and she was hosting a party, The 50 Most Invited People. I was one of the 50 most invited.
But so was one of my nondescript associates (it was someone I knew, but I don’t know who). This person’s idea for a birthday present was to buy her scratch off lottery tickets. This person’s reasoning:
You know, it’s a gift that could keep on giving.
I was wracking my brain while sleeping. What do you get a woman like Barbara Walters for her birthday?
Then it hit me – donate to her favorite charity in her honor. What was her favorite charity, you ask?