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Musical Musings… Rip-Off (Air Quotes) Artist

Posted on by sgottahurt

 

Dr. Luke, Daydreaming New Ideas

 

You may not have ever heard of Lukasz Gottwald, a.k.a. Dr. Luke, a.k.a. DJ Douche (not really), but you’ve certainly heard his work.

But I’m not here to celebrate him (if you can already tell), but to tell-all and make you aware of the source of his “artistry” as a writer and producer.

The latest is a minor tussle over whether Britney Spears’ new song, Hold It Against Me, rips off The Bellamy Brothers’ If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body.  In this case, I say no (as do others), but it’s not the first time good ol’ Dr. Luke’s skillz have been called into question.

  • Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend / The Rubinoos’ I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
  • Daughtry’s Feels Like Tonight / The Asphalt’s Tonight

If you skip to the 1:04 mark, you’ll notice the chorus is awfully similar to this.  Read more about this one here.

  • Pink’s U + Ur Hand / The Veronicas’ 4ever
  • Ke$ha’s Tik Tok / Katy Perry’ California Gurls

He’s not even above ripping himself off.  And Justin and Jessica Q. Public still lap it up.

Sure, there’s plenty more originals in his repertoire than copies – even a few that I like – but something has to be done to stop this mad man.  Never forget he allowed THIS to happen.

IN CLOSING:

I realize that Dr. Luke’s not going anywhere anytime soon.  Let’s just call him disappearing from the music scene my Teenage Dream.  He is who he is, and We R Who We R.  Not even Magic nor Dynamite could get rid of him.  We could go Right Round in circles as the hours Tik Tok away, but ultimately I guess he’s here For Your Entertainment, and not mine.

It’s not like I’m Your Daddy or anything, but I want you to know that I’ll Keep Holding On to the notion that I know what’s best for you. Who Knew any of this would be such a big deal?  Behind These Hazel Eyes (they really are hazel) is a man who respects the arts and thinks that stealing (“liberally borrowing“) without acknowledging it is wrong.

I just fear that one day, when Dr. Luke is no longer practicing his medicine, I won’t find myself saying, “Since U Been Gone, My Life Would Suck Without You.”  Or something akin to that.  Does that come across as fickle?  A little con then pro, nay then yay, Hot N Cold?  Maybe.  But if I finally admit today that his music’s not all that bad, Feels Like Tonight might be the night I finally say, “I Kissed a Girl.”

And hopefully that same girl won’t notice my toupée and say, “Take It Off…”

Drunken Recollections… Coconuts And Bowling Balls

Posted on by sgottahurt

What else did you expect this post to open with?

Train rides are not commonplace for me back home, let alone drunken train rides.  While I’m in Prague, I’ve gotten quite used to them.

During one of my many discussions with Steve, we started on the topic of tropical films, namely Couples Retreat.  I mentioned that it’s a general rule that films that take place in vacation spots feel like half-assed movies.  Everyone’s in paradise!  Why would they want to work?

So we started thinking about the exceptions and the rules.  Obviously, on the inebriated spot, we didn’t mention most of these:

RULES

  • Couples Retreat
  • Club Dread (I liked this one, but it really isn’t that good)
  • Club Paradise
  • The Beach
  • Into the Blue
  • Blue Crush
  • Fool’s Gold
  • Six Days, Seven Nights
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
  • A Perfect Getaway
  • Jaws: The Revenge
  • 50 First Dates (also likeable but weak… let alone twisted)
  • Summer Rental
  • Joe Versus the Volcano
  • Captain Ron
  • Cabin Boy
  • Cutthroat Island
  • The Pirate Movie
  • The Heartbreak Kid (remake)
  • My Father the Hero

EXCEPTIONS

  • Forgetting Sarah Marshall
  • Cast Away
  • Jurassic Park
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
  • One Crazy Summer (you gotta give me this one)
  • Point Break (you don’t hafta give me this one)

UNDECIDEDS

  • Blue Lagoon
  • Return to Blue Lagoon (probably a RULE)
  • The Heartbreak Kid (original)
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Open Water
  • Scooby-Doo
  • Weekend at Bernie’s
  • Weekend at Bernie’s II (probably a RULE, too)

It even applies to TV shows, if not more so than.  But I’ll save that for another post.

Oh!  And as to why there’s a mention of bowling balls – Steve wondered what it would take to have a bowling lane in your home.  If it looked like this…

"Pardon me, but I left my shoes in my other bowling alley."

…then it would only cost $88,000.  If it looked like this…

Yep. I went there because it's easy.

…then prepare to shell out $149.99.  Plus tax.

Did I miss any?  Did I misplace any?  Comment below!

A Handful Of… Part 3’s That Surpassed Parts 1 & 2

Posted on by sgottahurt

Jesus Christ...

Trilogies (let alone film series) are a tricky thing.  How do you continue to succeed three films in?

The most common option is to add more of the same but different.  Cases in point:

  • Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (added villainous Jack Frost)
  • Once Upon a Time in Mexico (added blinded gunslinger played by Johnny Depp)
  • Oh, God! You Devil (added another George Burns)
  • Blade: Trinity (added Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel, for some reason)
  • Look Who’s Talking Now (SPOILER ALERT! It’s dogs!)
  • Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (This. Is. Real. Folks.)

By doing so, filmmakers walk a fine line between celebrating the previous entries and making mockeries of them (not that any of the above were masterpieces, but still).

Some III’s have gotten close by following the above examples, and at times in my youth, I might have argued that they were better than the original film, but I’ve gotten budwiser.

  • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (added “dad” like how Big Momma 3 added “son” *chills*)
  • Return of the Jedi (added Ewoks like how Blade 3 added Biel’s hot booty)
  • Back to the Future 3: From the Old West to the New! (I know that’s not its real name, but it changed the game like Once Upon a Time in Mexico did)

The other route Part Trois’ follow simply lead to clusterfucksville by trying to go big AND go home.  Don’t see the banging whimpers:

  • Matrix Revolutions
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
  • Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Only a few 3’s have got it right.  They’ve walked the line of concluding with a bang (sometimes continuing with a bang), adding new, but celebrating the before.  In no particular order:

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Lord of the Rings Return of the King

Also known as: "Aragon's Song"

Some could argue that this had a rich story to pull from, or that it’s really just the ending of one long movie (this is what I argued), but isn’t that what a trilogy is supposed to be?  Writer/director/cameo Actor! Peter Jackson kept reveals hidden from each film to the next, and it kept each installment an exciting time investment.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Not pictured: The Okay

I haven’t seen this film (not without trying), but it’s considered the best of director Sergio Leone’s The Dollars Trilogy or The Man With No Name Trilogy.  The trilogy’s name is almost a trilogy!

Three Colors: Red

Slogan: "It'll tickle you pink!"

This I did see.  Fancy that… a French film over a Western.  I guess that’s why I said fancy that.  Writer/director Krzysztof Kieslowski brings it all home in the third film of the Three Colors trilogy (Blue and White) precede it.  Although at first, none of the stories seem connected, this one does all the heavy lifting in the end.  Très vachement forte!

Goldfinger

"Five Goldfingers! Four Dr. No's, three Moneypenny's..."

This third official James Bond film set not only records, but precedents for the rest of Sean Connery’s appearances as Agent 007.  A classic amongst classics!

Toy Story 3

I finally get it! It's like "Toy Store-E"... ha!

If Mickey Mouse created Walt Disney, then the original Toy Story made Pixar.  As the studio’s first major theatrical release, Toy Story lit G.I. Joe action figures on fire and raised the Barbie Dream House for what animated films could not only look like, but make you feel.  Disney even had to chase and catch up.  Although the first film is still a fun, endearing piece of entertainment, Toy Story 3 is a beautiful swan song that exemplifies fifteen years of cinematic accomplishments.  Quentin Tarantino even thinks so.

Piranha 3D

Jaws 3D was already taken.

Having seen all three Piranha movies, this one accomplished what it exactly set out to do: be a dumb, fun, titillating (pun intended) 3D summer movie.  Sure, the original Piranha had some weird small creature walking around that was never explained, and James Cameron’s infatuation with water showed its gums in Piranha Part 2: The Spawning, but this had… well, I’m not going to spoil anything for you.

(SIDENOTE: Jackass 3D was thisclose to making it, but I never saw the first two and decided it wouldn’t be fair.  For some reason.)

Disagree with anything?  Agree with everything?  Comment below!

A Handful Of… Decent Songs Performed In Non-Musicals

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m sorry, but I am not going to apologize for having any of these songs on the list.  Wait.  Does that work?

Anyhoosiersshouldneverbemadeintoamusical, here are A Handful Of songs I enjoyed that were sung by characters in movies that were not musicals.  Agree or disagree in the comments (Jeremy!)…

  • Sex Bob-Omb’s Garbage Truck from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

This song was actually written by Beck (I’m not sure if the actors performed it), so there’s that.  And the movie is kick-ass (not to be confused with Kick-Ass), so double win.

  • Eddie and the Cruisers’ On the Dark Side from Eddie and the Cruisers

This movie originally came out in 1984, and I guarantee more people know John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band’s song than the flick itself.  Actor! Michael Paré would go on to make tons more B-movies.  He would also co-star in TV’s The Greatest American Hero, believe it or not.

  • The Soggy Bottom Boys’ Man of Constant Sorrow from O’ Brother, Where Art Thou?

Okay… this wasn’t a song originally made for the Coen Brothers’ film, but I still have to include the remake of Dick Burnett’s classic.

  • Josie and the Pussycat’s 3 Small Words from Josie and the Pussycats

Letters to Cleo front woman, Kay Hanley, performed all the eponymous rock group’s songs, and you have to admit the song’s as catchy as chlamydia herpes syphilis a smile.  Also, take notice of the clever countdown in the chorus (6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1)…

  • The Wonders’ That Thing You Do! from That Thing You Do!

The group might have almost been called The Oneders, but real-life rock group, Fountains of Wayne, did a great job at capturing the pop hit feeling of that era.  They proved their pop hit chops again a few years later with their own overplayed catchy hit – Stacy’s Mom.

  • Electric Dream Machine’s Dayman from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Pure pop perfection.

Awful Battle… Not All Candy Is Dandy

Posted on by sgottahurt

Halloween is spookily and creepily and horrifically upon us.  Boo!

Well, at least it has been ever since they pulled all the Back-to-School displays at your local Target a month ago and threw up the orange and black.  So while speaking of “throwing up,” I figured an Awful Battle featuring terrible candy would be frighteningly appropriate!

  • Candy Buttons

Who likes their sugar droppings with a bit of paper?  Perhaps the same people who thought biodegradable gum wrappers were meant for eating.

"Candy Buttons" sounds like a cute porn star name.

  • Orange and Black Taffy(?)

I don’t know what this candy really is, but it was cheap to give out  so I used to get plenty when out trick-or-treating.  I’d much prefer Smarties, thank you.

What were these called? Cheapies? Dummies?

  • Bit-O-Honey

Honey is not candy.  Not now.  Not ever.  Well maybe in the 20’s…

My grandma always had Bit-O-Honey, and I always ate them. Butterscotch, too.

  • Circus Peanuts

Orange marshmallows pressed into peanuts may sound like a win at the circus, but in the real world, normal men do put on face paint and cram into Mini Coopers (that often).  Draw your own conclusions.

I once dared my brother to pack a ton of these into his mouth when he was a kid. Wasn't one of my tougher dares, but the results were funny.

  • Wax Lips

I don’t know how many times I tried chewing on these like they were gum, but they were not gum.  Wax is not gum no matter what anyone tells you!

Not gum!

  • Boston Baked Beans

I don’t think I could even eat these if I was the middle word.

Beans, beans, they're good for nothing.

  • Almond Joy / Mounds

Not a fan of coconut.  That will probably never change, even if I ended up on Survivor.  But if my alternative was rat meat…

Sometimes you feel like a nut, because frankly, you're nuts.

  • Tootsie Fruit Rolls

A perfect example of “if it’s not broke, don’t give it a fruit flavor when chocolate is perfectly fine.”

I have heard the vanilla flavor is pretty good, though.

  • Apple-Flavored Jolly Ranchers

I like Jolly Ranchers otherwise.  This adverse reaction to one particular flavor probably deals with the fact we had an apple tree when I was a child, and I hated picking up the fallen, rotten, worm-invested symbols of the Fall of Man.  Mjusayin’.

I don't like apple juice, candy apples, applesauce, apple fritters, apple cider, nor Apl.De.Ap.

  • Runts Bananas

Why are there so many bananas in a bag or box of Runts?!  And why are they so hard?!

Case closed.

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Remake, Rinse, Or Repeat? Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

This So, Duh! Pop Quiz could be viewed as skewed toward personal opinion, but you’re wrong.  Basically, this is a list of 80’s movies, and you need to decide if it could be remade (REMAKE), if the thought of that happening makes you recoil (RINSE), or if a sequel would even be allowed (REPEAT).

Are there right and wrong answers?  You betcha.

1)
2)
3)
4)
5)(posters via IMP Awards, answers after the jump) Read More

(More Than) A Handful Of… Nameless Lead Characters In Movies

Posted on by sgottahurt

As a writer, one of the first things you do when starting a new story is come up with… a title.  Well not really, because that can happen last.  Actually, you come up with a narrative idea first, then the lead character’s name next.  One hopes to conjure up a moniker that would match what the imaginary protagonist would be like (if you’re a good writer).  Bella Swan?  Really?

Anywhoisthat, here are some of the more notable exceptions to the naming game.  I present to you (More Than) A Handful Of Nameless Lead Characters In Movies:

  • TOTALLY NAMELESS

The protagonists in these films don’t have a hint of a name.  The film credits don’t even give a clue.  Well, if you don’t count Nada, Doctor, Doctor’s Wife, Guy, Girl, XXXX, Man, Boy, and the second Mrs. de Winter as clues.

They Live - Blindness - Once - Layer Cake - The Road - Rebecca

  • NICKNAMED NAMELESS

Everyone in this group is referred to by a name other than their own.  Or at least we’re lead to assume this.  Even though the lead character is called Smith, Columbus, Wichita, Little Rock, Tallahassee, Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink, Mr. White, Mr. Brown, Mr. Blue, Mr. Blonde, The Man With No Name, or El Mariachi, we never learn their real names.

Except for Wichita (Krista), Mr. Orange (Freddy Newandyke), Mr. White (Larry Dimmick), Mr. Blonde (Vic Vega), or The Man With No Name (Joe in A Fistful of Dollars, Monco in For a Few Dollars More, and Blondie in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly) that is.

Shoot 'Em Up - Zombieland - Reservoir Dogs - The Man With No Name Trilogy - Desperado

  • EVENTUALLY/ MAYBE/ KINDA NAMED NAMELESS

Sure, ten of the twelve jurors may happen to reveal their real names by the end of the film, Bill Paxton might be called “Dad” or “Mr. Meiks” throughout, Tyler Durden could actually be The Narrator’s name, and D-FENS is found out to be William Foster, but these movies are super bad-ass despite any ambiguity about the leads’ true identities.

12 Angry Men - Frailty - Fight Club - Falling Down

Oh, and one more thing.  His character is named Nameless:

Hero

A Handful Of… Michigan Artists That Are Cooler Than Mike Posner

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t like this guy.  At all.  My reason is to quickly follow.

The way he sings in a whisper makes me imagine a man holding his cat’s front paws and making it dance, while he cooed much to the feline’s dismay, “You think you’re cooler than me.”

Anymeow, Mike Posner is from Southfield, Michigan, and as much as I seek to support local performers making it big, this guy – not so much.

To be honest, I originally thought his name was Mike Poser, and in a way under that belief, I appreciated his irony.  Now he’s ironic in another way.

So here is A Handful Of local acts done good (not counting Motown, to make a point)… after the jump… Read More

Happy Find… The Chris List

Posted on by sgottahurt

(I apologize for being behind on posts… I plan to catch up soon.)

My friend (and coworker) Chris often makes interesting web discoveries, and he always passes the info onto me, and I to you.  I always make sure to give credit where credit is due, so I thank him for his finds as a footnote.  No more.  Maybe.

This could be a one-shot; it could be a regular.  If it is, will this post stay the Chris List, or will it get a more clever name?  I can’t say for sure.  What I can say for sure is that the following website delighted our coworkers for hours/days on end.  Unfortunately I was busy at clients, and didn’t get to partake in the shenanigans…

1) Awkward Family Photos

"This is what we like to call a 'choose your own adventure' family photo."

The URL says it all, and not all of the pics and comments are hilarious, but when you find a gem – it rocks.  Unlike that pun.  Awkwaaard…

2) This pic is worth 1002 words…

3)  Appvent Calendar

Chris doesn’t even have an iPhone, but he made me aware of this site.  And even though it is iPhone centric, and I feel bad for bringing it up, it could be worth it if any of the games pan out to be good…

Just like digital candy...

Check it daily to see what new free games are available for download.  Like you ever do anything I say.

BONUS AWKWARD:

"Ever wondered what the kid with the clarinet is really thinking?"