There’s a reason I record everything on my DVR – I can’t stand commercials anymore. Now in some cases, it leads me to discover the existence of new shows, such as Chris Elliott’s Eagleheart:
But in most cases, it reminds me that “Yes Virginia, crap does exist.” Behold:
Let this be known – I tried so hard to block this film from my mind, but it’s found me, despite my best defenses… of a quick jump button on my DVR remote.
Ugh… there’s something I need to admit to all of you…
…um, how do I say this…
I entered a contest to name Justin Bieber’s movie. I didn’t win, and I’m afraid I’m taking it out on the finished product. Obviously, this won:
"Beans are indeed the musical fruit. Where's the nearest restroom?"
My quest to expose copycats in Hollywood is reaching a fever pitch. We’ve always known that these types of practices went on, but I feel like I’m becoming a champion for originality, even in the slightest of degrees.
And my attack is not always just against the producers of the recycled entertainment, sometimes the hungry audience is of equal blame. But what should I expect from a public that lives off fast food.
Probably unclear diatribe over. But for some examples of my past battles, you can check here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. (There are probably more that I can’t recall at this moment.)
Max Martin and Pink co-wrote the song, Fuckin’ Perfect, which was released December 14, 2010. Y’know… just in fuckin’ time for Christmas.
Dr. Luke and Brit pop-star, Jessie J, co-wrote the song, Price Tag, which was released January 25, 2011. Y’know… one month after– forget it.
Listen to Pink’s chorus at about the 0:48 minute mark:
Now listen to Jessie J’s chorus at about the 1:01 minute mark:
For rhythmic comparison, Fuckin’ Perfect lyrics:
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re f*ckin’ perfect to me!
And Price Tag’s lyrics:
It’s not about the money, money, money
We don’t need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
AM I CRAZY?!? It’s the same, right?
So rather than go on with this rigmarole, I’ve decided to think of this new style of music as a 70’s animation cheat. The technique is referred to as the wraparound background, and it was quite often deployed in the old Hanna-Barbera cartoons.
Here it is on display in Scooby-Doo. Watch the two hallways loop while Scooby and Shaggy flee:
This was featured in a bit on G4’s Attack of the Show, and they only showed a snippet of it. The entirety is much worse.
According to YouTube user “eiflerb”:
This video was discovered by someone who used to work at a public library several years ago. This has not been edited in any way. This is 100% authentic.
And as for that rediscovery – remember the old Cybill Shepherd show, Cybill? Probably not because I barely did. Alicia Witt played Zoe on that show, and I forgot about her until she played Miss Pasternak on Two and a Half Men.
Alicia Witt... how could I ever forget you...
Sure, she’s been in plenty of things I haven’t seen since then (including the Two and a Half Men rerun from two and a half years ago), but I did find out that producer Chuck Lorre created both shows, so it’s nice that he’s still looking out for her.
This will inevitably get taken down, but since it destroyed me emotionally as much as it lifted my spirits, I shall share it with you, as if you probably haven’t already seen it.
(SIDENOTE: I’ve never thought more highly of Steven Tyler than after this. Not that I thought highly of him beforehand…)
This is a situation where it’s best for you to sit down. Yes, I realize you’re probably already sitting since you’re using a computer or mobile device to check out this awesome website, but I want your brain to sit down, too.
This will start off a simple enough exercise (literally) and will eventually end up with a simple enough exorcise (bonus literally). Be wary as you embark on this Awful Battle…
(SIDENOTE: I think that’s a dude in the last video…)
The above video might not be the best way to have started this post, or it may be absolutely perfect. (The band’s name is Mr. President, and their song Coco Jambo has over 38 million hits. 38,000,000!)
Basically, the title Mr. has taken quite the beating in recent years. I’m not sure if the intent is to distant its association with its origin word, master, or if it’s mainly because we’ve lost all sense of formality.
Now what does this have to do with pop culture? Everything.
When our fine country was founded, the most dignified and non-alienating title the founding fathers thought to bestow on our nation’s leader was Mr. President. Nowadays, if you want a sure sign a movie or a TV show will suck, you put Mr. (or Mister) in the title. It’s not an absolute, but the highs are definitely outnumbered by the lows. I considered highlighting the highs, but it may be more fun for you to decide.
(SIDENOTE: I’d highly recommend playing Coco Jambo in the background while you read on.)
It’s starting to feel like Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter are really starting to find their rhythm again, so in honor of that, here are A Handful Of theme songs from their shows. I have nothing else to say. Except for this:
I can’t believe Quintuplets was ever made.
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
Andy Richter Controls the Universe (theme at 0:35 minute mark)
If you’re unclear on the concept of what a hipster is, hopefully this infographic can be of assistance:
If it didn’t help, whatever man.
Anywhohasntshoweredallweekend, I should have heard of Pomplamoose before my boss/friend Paul did (mainly because he’s only recently “discovered” All-American Rejects, and he’s proud of that). As he perpetually asked me if I heard of Pomplamoose, I continually asked if it was a children’s group (he’s also a huge fan of The Wiggles).
So I looked them up, and I was shocked – SHOCKED! – that their videos have millions – MILLIONS! – of hits…
…and I never – NEVER! (really, again?) – heard of them.
Their YouTube channel is here… if you’re into hipster musicians, style circa 2004 or 2007, that is.
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