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Drunken Recollection… “Swipe It Like A Credit Card” (AKA “You Might Scream 4 This”)

Posted on July 22, 2010 by sgottahurt

(Photo courtesy of Amy's quickness with the clicks)

Scream 4 is filming (for some reason) in Plymouth, Michigan (for some reason), and I had no idea as I made my way to the bar to play trivia (for some reason).

Anydewey, as I passed the set piece above, I didn’t pay too much mind since I was being trailed by a Plymouth cop (I had to hide my cell phone courtesy of a new law). While at trivia, the team I was playing with consisted of some new members, so job talk was brought up, and the birth of this phrase was born (I think it makes a great rap song hook):

Swipe it like a credit card…

The job it referenced:

Border Patrol Agent

Well, one specific act:

I let you connect the dots.

So back to trivia… talk of Scream 4 began, and I connected the dots. So after the game, a group of us headed over to the Woodsboro Police Station, and I readied to snap a photo. But then some teen rent-a-cops yelled that I couldn’t. And for some reason, I listened. Afterward, I wished I had said something like:

I’m using Google Goggles to see what this place used to be.

But I didn’t.

And it’s not like they had any authority to swipe it like a credit card…

InASense, Lost… Rated PG Bosoms

Posted on July 20, 2010 by sgottahurt

I know that there are probably way more, but these were the only films that the perverts I work with* could think of that were rated PG and contained exposed, um… why beat around the bush – boobies. They were favorites of a childhood past (not just the breasts, of course, but also the movies… because of the tatas).

Arguably, most of the following films are children films. Can you imagine if they tried pulling this off in kiddie flicks today?

Also, I thought this video was an ample match:

Because I’m such a nice blogger, each movie title is a link to none other than Mr. Skin’s thorough website:

Sheena: Queen of the Jungle

The Beastmaster

Sixteen Candles

Irreconcilable Differences

Clash of the Titans

Swamp Thing

Racing with the Moon

Airplane!

Logan’s Run

The Omega Man

*All right, I’ll admit it… I remembered all of them except for three.

Awful Battle… Which One Of These Videos Makes More Sense?

Posted on July 18, 2010 by sgottahurt

You know what? I’m going to let these videos speak for themselves. You’ll never guess which one is easier to understand.

Happy Find… Taco Bellz Can Haz Breakfastz?!? (Did I Do That Right?)

Posted on July 14, 2010 by sgottahurt

You may be surprised to learn my favorite cereal is regular Cheerios.

I could not be happier to learn that Taco Bell is planning on starting a Breakfast Menu.

Sure, it won’t be available until some time between Michael Bay’s third Transformer film and Christopher Nolan’s third Batman, and my reaction to the a.m. delights could be as varied as my opinions on each of those trilogies, but still…

This would mean no strange looks when I order soft tacos at nine in the morning for breakfast.

Even though I just ordered soft tacos at four in the morning for fourth meal.

A Handful Of… Sort Of Obscure Films Watched Over And Over

Posted on July 12, 2010 by sgottahurt

They say youth is wasted on the youth. Well I say, adulthood is a waste if adults aren’t wasted. (See what I did there?)

Today I present to you A Handful Of flicks (as opposed to a fistful of punches) that I have seen way too many times growing up, wasting my youth as a youth.

Summer School (1987)

This movie lead to me discovering (what I consider) the greatest horror film of all time: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Without this film, it would have taken me longer to discover who Carl Reiner (the director and Rob’s dad) was, but it might have spared me from seeing Mark Harmon’s Worth Winning (going into my Netflix queue… right now). Also, it may be a contender for starting the “dogs wearing sunglasses” genre of movie posters.

And not speaking of (big red) dogs, but of grown men portraying obnoxious children, there’s…

Clifford (1994)

Okay, I might not have been so young when I watched this film over and over and over again. But I mean, come on! Martin Short is playing a ten-year-old boy! Hijinks and hilarity ensue!

Now back to dogs (and films made in 1987)…

Walk Like a Man (1987)

Howie Mandel – of America’s Got Talent, Deal or No Deal, Bobby’s World, Good Grief, and blowing up rubber gloves over his head – was raised by dogs. ‘Nuff said.

Moving (1988)

Without this Richard Pryor vehicle, the world would never have met Stacey Dash (where has she been, by the way?)… but it would have also been spared Dana Carvey and Randy Quaid… moving on…

Cloak & Dagger (1984)

Elliott wasn’t good in this movie, E.T... Henry Thomas’ character shot and killed a bad guy in the end of this movie! Try to fit something like that in the next Alvin and the Chipmunks Squeakuel, Hollywood!

Can’t Buy Me Love (1987)

I’ve already professed my love for Amanda Peterson long ago on this site, so let’s leave it at that. Well, that post and this quote:

There’s only one other titty, quite this pretty…

How’s this for a segue…

What can money buy, if not love? Ho, ho, ho’s!

Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

This is the first movie I ever remember reading a review about. I recall some comment about producer Alexander Salkind’s obsession with origin stories. You see, this film dealt with Santa’s humble beginnings (unlike Tim Allen’s punderful The Santa Clause), and Salkind’s previous productions included The Three Musketeers (1973) and Superman (1978). Three films = obsession, I guess.

And this last cinematic masterpiece just screams REMAKE WITH TRACY MORGAN! (Not really…)

The Toy (1982)

As a youth, I didn’t waste time pondering the logistics of a film about a rich white man buying his spoiled son a black man as a toy… so why start now!

Onto being an adult, and getting wasted!

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Michael Cera’s Series Of Series

Posted on July 10, 2010 by sgottahurt

That outfit's kinda Kick-Ass...

Ever since Michael Cera’s breakout performance in Arrested Development, he’s seemed to become obsessed with series. Because Arrested Development was a television series, you see. Don’t believe me? Check out these Coinkydinks (or Coinkydonks)…

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Though not officially a remake, revision, or reboot (or whatever Hellywood wants to call unoriginal ideas), the main characters’ were named after the main characters in The Thin Man film series – Nick and Nora Charles. Interestingly enough, The Thin Man films were also adapted into a TV show, but all of it was based on a single novel by pulp writer, Dashiell Hammett.

Youth in Revolt

The movie is based on the first book in a series by C.D. Payne (which could be a pretty good Garbage Pail Kids name in more than a few ways). Will there be sequels to the movie, though? The youth revolted instead of seeing this one at the theater, so I’m going with no.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

This film adaptation has yet to be released, and though I don’t think it will meet everyone’s tastes, I’m certainly looking forward to it. Director Edgar Wright made Shaun of the Dead; he also made this flick. ‘Nuff said. But if there is more to be said, it relates to this overall post… the movie was based on a comic book series.

"He does seem to prefer series... and my costume!"

Drunken Recollection… Kids, Kidney Stones, And American Pie

Posted on July 9, 2010 by sgottahurt

Truer words never spoken... on a t-shirt.

As per uzhe (I don’t know how to shorten usual phonetically), I have a few things to attend to in this Drunken Recollection.

ITEM #1

The above shirt idea. Looks good, doesn’t it?

ITEM #2

“Does chewing Styrofoam cause kidney stones?” There are no Yahoo! Answers in regard to this, but I finally have this question answered:

ITEM #3

We should have an American Pie film series viewing party! Can you name all seven movies?

InASense, Lost… Drawing Ain’t Child’s Play

Posted on July 6, 2010 by sgottahurt

If Mrs. Voorhees* had the wherewithal to give her reborn son, Jason, a box of crayons than a barn full of tools, the art he would have produced might have looked something like these:

(Very) Artistic Representation

(Very Scary) Artistic Representation

In all actuality, this is work of Dave Devries, creator of The Monster Engine. If you can’t figure out what he does by looking at the above images (because they’re too frightening), he takes the doodles of children and enhances them.

Click on the above page link to check more out. Oh. He has a book, too.

* I originally started the post with a reference to Chucky since the headline mentioned Child’s Play, but Friday the 13th was a more logical choice. For a pointless article. From a dumb blog.

BONUS! This one’s just plain cool…

Does anyone else hear this one screaming, "Movie!" (As opposed to regular screaming...)

BONUS BONUS! Check out my (Not So) Artistic Representations here.

BONUS BONUS BONUS! A hilarious TripleDoubleU classic is here.

JusWondering… Is A Detroit Bucket List Ironic?

Posted on July 5, 2010 by sgottahurt

I wish I took a screen cap of an advertisement for something called The Detroit Bucket List, or that I at clicked on the link, because I’m having the hardest time finding out what it was (translation–> nothing on the first page of my Google search looked familiar.

One thing I found was a trailer for a locally produced “movie” with the same name:

It’s from two years ago, though (you can catch a glimpse of Tiger Stadium before it became a barren field).

Otherwise, I found this Facebook page and not much else.

But all in all, it got me JusWondering… is a Detroit Bucket List in any way ironic (because both imply impending doom)? Is it an oxymoron? Or just plain ol’ moronic?

Well, anyyallzboy… about this time last year, I started a bucket list with the promise to continue it. This is me continuing it – Detroit style!

I want to produce a documentary about Detroit in its heyday (what a fun word, BTW). I would love to see footage of Detroit’s early American origins, through its prosperous periods, to its eventual downfall. Maybe Ken Burns could put together this opus. Why won’t I do it? I’m too lazy.
I want to produce a show about a cop from another (better funded) city trying to get things done in the Detroit Police Department. Imagine a detective from New York, Chicago, or Miami battling not only the crime, but the system… I think it could be intriguing.
I want to shake up the system. Namely, I could see myself running for mayor. I’ve lived in Detroit for 98.8% of my life, and I deserve the opportunity as much as any of the other clowns that have “won” the position. First order of business – shit-can the useless City Council and bump up the number of fire fighters and police.
I want to build a movie studio in Detroit. This was an early wish, long before Hollywood even came calling our neck of the woods. I also envisioned setting up excellent filmmaking programs at Wayne State University (my alma mater), U of M Dearborn (only), and Hank High (a.k.a. Henry Ford Community College). I have my reasons for these three.
I want to move out of Detroit. A man can dream, can’t he?

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Guess That 900 Number Edition

Posted on July 2, 2010 by sgottahurt

Can you call me?

For this edition of the So, Duh! Pop Quiz, I thought I’d go with a nostalgic walk down memory lane in the style of Pop Culture Perfect Storms.

In the days of yore – “pre-TripleDoubleU” – there were only so many ways to get in touch with celebrities. Actually, aside from fan letters and magazines, there was only one truly sorta interactive way to reach them… 900 phone numbers.

This is a test of your memory or pure guessing skills. The corresponding answers in the form of commercials follow after the jump. Good luck!

1) (900) 909-JEFF

2) (900) 740-3500

3) (900) 909-FRED

4) (900) 909-1133

5) (900) 490-FREAK

6) (900) 660-4LOU

7) (900) 909-5KIDS

Quints

8) (900) 909-4300

9) (900) 909-1800

Stacey Q

10) (900) 909-MCMC

MC Skat Kat

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
						1
2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15
16	17	18	19	20	21	22
23	24	25	26	27	28

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