Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Or Lack Of Creative Talent?

This show looks like garbage, me thinks.  It starts this fall on CBS, which in this case literally means C-B-S:

To me, The Defenders looks like Boston Legal Lite, minus the charm, creativity, excellent writing, and sublime casting.  I’ll always have a soft spot for Jerry O’Connell for being in Stand By Me, My Secret Identity, and Rebecca Romijn, and I’ll even give props to Jim Belushi for The Principal, but I could probably live without ever seeing either one of them in anything ever again.

May this show slip away quickly like my money at a craps table.

Now onto other items lacking in creativity…

I thought The Oatmeal made a funny observation about the similarities between James Cameron’s Avatar and his Aliens:

(click image for full comparison)

(BONUS! Did Chistopher Nolan’s Inception rip off Scrooge McDuck?)

(More Than) A Handful Of… Nameless Lead Characters In Movies

As a writer, one of the first things you do when starting a new story is come up with… a title.  Well not really, because that can happen last.  Actually, you come up with a narrative idea first, then the lead character’s name next.  One hopes to conjure up a moniker that would match what the imaginary protagonist would be like (if you’re a good writer).  Bella Swan?  Really?

Anywhoisthat, here are some of the more notable exceptions to the naming game.  I present to you (More Than) A Handful Of Nameless Lead Characters In Movies:

  • TOTALLY NAMELESS

The protagonists in these films don’t have a hint of a name.  The film credits don’t even give a clue.  Well, if you don’t count Nada, Doctor, Doctor’s Wife, Guy, Girl, XXXX, Man, Boy, and the second Mrs. de Winter as clues.

They Live - Blindness - Once - Layer Cake - The Road - Rebecca

  • NICKNAMED NAMELESS

Everyone in this group is referred to by a name other than their own.  Or at least we’re lead to assume this.  Even though the lead character is called Smith, Columbus, Wichita, Little Rock, Tallahassee, Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink, Mr. White, Mr. Brown, Mr. Blue, Mr. Blonde, The Man With No Name, or El Mariachi, we never learn their real names.

Except for Wichita (Krista), Mr. Orange (Freddy Newandyke), Mr. White (Larry Dimmick), Mr. Blonde (Vic Vega), or The Man With No Name (Joe in A Fistful of Dollars, Monco in For a Few Dollars More, and Blondie in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly) that is.

Shoot 'Em Up - Zombieland - Reservoir Dogs - The Man With No Name Trilogy - Desperado

  • EVENTUALLY/ MAYBE/ KINDA NAMED NAMELESS

Sure, ten of the twelve jurors may happen to reveal their real names by the end of the film, Bill Paxton might be called “Dad” or “Mr. Meiks” throughout, Tyler Durden could actually be The Narrator’s name, and D-FENS is found out to be William Foster, but these movies are super bad-ass despite any ambiguity about the leads’ true identities.

12 Angry Men - Frailty - Fight Club - Falling Down

Oh, and one more thing.  His character is named Nameless:

Hero

Drunken Recollection… They Sure Don’t Make Cartoons Like They Used To (Plus My Opinion On Donald Duck Finally Revealed!)

This seemed to come out nowhere, as opposed to the alcohol that kept being provided by the prompt wait staff.

We had finished a soccer game.  We were playing music trivia.  And this old Walt Disney cartoon popped in my head.  My friends remembered it, and we laughed about how it could never get made these days… not in the slightest.  (Well, maybe in the slightest.)

Watch and revel at a child’s cartoon from 1949:

What I think surprises me the most is what a dick Donald Duck used to be.

Was he always that way?  Yes. Yes. And oh god no, yes.

That’s probably why he was my favorite Disney character…

Happy Find… Surprisingly, It’s Furniture

I didn’t plan on watching this entire video, especially since my usual limit is 59 seconds, but twist endings for each piece of furniture kept me captivated.

Okay, the truth.  TRANSFORMERS FURNITURE!

(Check out ResourceFurniture’s website here.  Check out the last time I wanted furniture for Christmas here.)

InASense, Lost… The Force Is No Longer Strong Within Me

Like many (all?) guys my age, I grew up on Star Wars.

And like many (some?) guys (nerds?) my age, I was way too into it for far too long.

I collected the toys when I was a child, and when they returned to the scene in 1995, I was spellbound.  I gobbled up every figure, ship, and accessory I could get my hands on.  I even waited in line at midnight to get the first wave of toys from The Phantom Menace.

That was a mistake.  And the collecting didn’t last much longer.  In fact, I recently sold my collection for $400.  It originally cost me around $3000.

But like all bad habits, one remnant remains.  I still like to look at the new lines.  It’s been fun to see what figures finally got made, and how some (many) get re-made.  Unfortunately, with The Clone Wars animated movie and TV show, I’m realizing how out of the loop I am when I’m not recognizing them anymore.

Some of the later figures I’m aware of, such as Ahsoka Tano, Asajj Ventress, and Jacen and Jaina Solo.

And some of the faces I recognize if not the names.

The following are the ones I don’t (even though a few were in the original six films):

  • Cad Bane – from The Clone Wars show

Cad Bane is hired by Darth Sidious to break into the Jedi Temple and steal a holocron containing the secret names of future Jedi. The resourceful and cunning bounty hunter carefully puts his plan in place using schematics of the temple, a techno-service droid and an unscrupulous shapeshifter.

  • Leesub Sirln – from Episode IV: A New Hope

Leesub Sirln is a Qiraash and one of the patrons in the Mos Eisley cantina on Tatooine. She is hiding from Imperial authorities that suspect her of having precognitive powers and have declared her a Force adept.

  • Rum Sleg – from Episode I: The Phantom Menace

The Boonta Eve Classic Podrace draws a huge crowd of spectators including bounty hunter Rum Sleg. Held just outside Mos Espa, the race is a high-speed, death-defying competition, which doesn’t stop young Anakin Skywalker from competing.

  • Admiral Yularen – from The Clone Wars show

The Republic admiral oversees a large fleet during the Clone Wars, coordinating battle campaigns from the bridge of his flagship, the Resolute. He contacts battle leaders, such as Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi, to keep track of ongoing situations.

  • Hondo Ohnaka – from The Clone Wars show

Hondo Ohnaka is the leader of a band of Weequay pirates and is always accompanied by Pilf Mukmuk, his Kowakian monkey lizard. The pirate chief captures Count Dooku and plans to demand a large ransom for the return of the powerful Separatist leader.

  • Willrow Hood – from Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Willrow Hood works for the gas mining company on Cloud City. When the Empire seizes control of the city, Hood destroys a computer memory core to prevent the Empire from discovering information about secret transactions with the Rebels.

(SIDENOTE: Oh!  He’s also known as the Ice Cream Maker Guy.)

What is he carrying? An ice cream maker!

  • Gelagrub Patrol – from Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Clone troopers ride gelagrubs to patrol the fungal forests of Felucia. Also known as Felucian ground beetles, gelagrubs are easily domesticated in their larval form to be used as mounts. Republic forces invade Felucia to free it from the control of the Separatists and capture the Commerce Guild’s headquarters located on the planet.

  • Jeremoch Colton – from Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Jeremoch Colton is the pilot of Senator Bail Organa’s ship, the Tantive IV. As Colton is flying the vessel into Coruscant, he receives a message from Chancellor Palpatine’s office, which he plays for Organa and his passengers Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

  • And I have no idea who this chick in a Stormtrooper chest plate is supposed to be…

Needless to say, the last good Star Wars thing I saw was Genndy Tartakovsky’s take on the Clone Wars cartoon.  I’ve only seen Episode III once, hence the fuzzy memories.  And after all this, what is my lesson learned?

I need to start watching The Clone Wars on the Cartoon Network!

Worth 1002 Words… Inappropriateness Edition x 2!

Happy Ending*

*not included

Major Boo-Boo

Hibbidy-Wah?! Something About This Doesn’t Feel Right

I’m not a fan of carnival games.  This guy is not a fan of something else…

If there was a dummy of this dummy, I might share the same… um… enthusiasm?

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Bicycles In 80’s Movies

He really has a "Can Do!" attitude.

This So, Duh! Pop Quiz was inspired by something my sister Becky noticed.  In 80’s movies, there was nothing more common than a good bike chase.  Well, maybe it wasn’t common at all, but it seems to be relegated to only films made back then.  See if you can figure out which spokes appeared in which flicks:

1)

2)

3)

4)

5)

6)

(Okay, this one is technically from 1979...)

7)

8)

(answers after the jump)

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Awful/Awesome Battle… USB Thingees

Guess which of these I would want, and which of these I would… not… ever… want…

(source)

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Just Sh– To Still Sh–ty… When You Put It All Together

Here’s the close-up: