Month: May 2009

InASense, Lost… Macrophilia (Yep, It’s Sexual)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Will wonders never cease?  As in, “I wonder how this fetish developed?”

Allow me to introduce MACROPHILIA to your lexicon.  It’s not what you think.  Or it’s exactly what you think.  Anything philia usually has to deal with makin’ whoopie (sorry, now that I have cable, I’ve skimmed past an episode of the Newlywed Game, hosted by Carnie Wilson for some reason).  And macro means big, so volia!

Weird, right?

Weird, right?

Apparently, there’s a portion of men that get excited at the prospect of being stepped on by a giant woman.  Want more proof, check out this kind of NSFW site.  It’s partially about dominance, partially about foot fetishism, and partially about voreaphilia (geez!), but it’s totally… odd.

As for where the fetish originated in older gents?

Oooweee! I wish she'd step on me!

Oooweee! I wish she'd step on me!

And for future generations?

Oooweee! I hope only 'she' steps on me!

Oooweee! I hope only 'she' steps on me!

(via Atom)

If Only This Really Existed… (BTW Happy Mom’s Day, Mom!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

The plan for celebrating today, a.k.a. Mother’s Day, is this:

  • Finish this post.
  • Call Mom and tell her to check out this post.
  • During phone call, tell her I hope she likes the Forever Postage Stamps I bought her, and let her know that while the leftover pizza I took from her home was fine, the macaroni and cheese had some mold on it.  I ate it anyway, yesterday, and I’m still standing today, sooo… Yeah, I also finished a four-year old box of Cheerios this morning and no gastric problems, sooo…
  • So, yeah, Mom, if you’re reading this – HAPPY MOM’S DAY!  And if the product in the video below actually existed, I would have surely bought you one, probably without asking the other three to chip in.  Probably.

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Happy Find… Motherlover! (SNL Digital Short)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(Here is the legit video from Hulu.)

Ladies and germs, the moment you’ve all been waiting for!

Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake’s return in their latest SNL Digital Short Dick in a Box Part 2! Motherlover!

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Drunken Recollection… Of The Cable Kind (Update)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(EMBARRASSING UPDATE: I was up for 24 hours.  I may have a problem…)
How I feel right now... just waiting for tomorrow's hangover.

How I feel right now... just waiting for tomorrow's hangover.

My daze is waning.  My day is fading.  I finally have high-speed access to the TripleDoubleU at home once again, and in addition to that, I’ve added cable to the package.

Mmmm, cable… it was one of the few things that got me out of the house besides trivia and drinking and sports and drinking.  My friends and family had it, and I’d often visit them to partake in its offerings.  I’ll miss them.

So far, I’ve caught up on back episodes of Survivor.  I’ve managed to get through The Onion Movie as well as Whacked Out Videos(gah!) on G4.  The latest: I’m finishing up the Top 100 One-Hit Wonders of the 80’s on VH1 Classic, even though I know the results of the list.  The reason being we discussed this the other day at the bar.

Other topics during recent bar trips:

  • …
  • …
  • …

Okay, well oddly, I don’t remember, because I didn’t really make a point to.  See, for the month of May, I’ve decided to give up my Mt. Dew, my booze, and my fast food.  Nine days in, I’m holding up quite well, although I’m not really seeing a difference (although I’m feeling it… every morning I feel like dancing great).  I am still being social and going out to the bars.  How else will I harass others into going out in the future if I cop out now?

So now I’ve decided upon watching the Spectacular Spider-Man on Disney XD (oh, yeah, that reminds me – I watched a bit of Chicken Little earlier today).  And I’m not sure what I’ll watch later. 

Oh!  They just showed a commercial for these, and I must admit, I’m tempted:

…stinking kids channels.  Me wanty bottle people and cereal box guitars.

Musical Musings… SimilariTegans In The Metric System

Posted on by sgottahurt

I like both of these songs, as minimalist and repetitive as as they are… but is it just me, or are they kind of the same even though they’re different?  It’s probably just me.

I feel the same way about the beginnings of these songs, too:

SIDE NOTE: I like the acid flashback feeling of seeing the old CD cases in the Letterman clip.

Happy (Geeky) Find… Turk As Lando? Yes, Please!

Posted on by sgottahurt

On last night’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (btw… can’t wait for Conan’s return June 1st!), Scrubs’ Donald Faison stopped by to promote his new film, Next Day Air, but who cares about that!  He has an even better idea for a new movie…

Via Star Wars Blog:

It’d be The Chronicles of Lando Calrissian starring Donald Faison. I’d be Lando. And it would be before he lost the Millennium Falcon to Han Soloin that Sabacc game. And we would be cruising across the galaxy in the Falcon gettin’ chicks, drinking ale. And the hair would be phenomenal! I’d have to wear a wig or what we could do is just shave my head for back in the day when Lando used to shave his head. He’d have a whole new crew. It would be before Episode IV. So Episode 3.5 or 3.6.

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BONUS STAR WARS NERDINESS: I thought of this idea a day or so ago for some reason… thank Jedis somebody else already made it, because I’m far too lazy.  I only wish it was made to Alien Ant Farm’s version of Smooth Criminal rather than Michael Jackson’s, as the original runs a little long, but hey… M’Beg’gers can’t be Chewies.

Awful Battle… Sherman The Robot Or Gary Oldman As A Little Person?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m not sure which idea/makeup transformation is more awful:

Sherman the Robot from 1989’s Millennium (which also featured Cheryl Ladd and Kris Kristofferson, as well as the thought-provoking closing lines displayed below the video)…

This is not the end.
This is not the beginning of the end.
It is the end of the beginning.

…Gary Oldman portraying Matthew McConaughey’s twin brother whom also happens to be a little person?  (Couldn’t they have given a real little person the part in the direct-to-DVD flick called Tiptoes?)

BONUS AWFUL: Did that preview really show Kate Beckinsale readying to perform fellatio on Matt?

(via Everything is Terrible and VideoGum)

Musical Musings… Why Do I Find Myself Defending Flo Rida?

Posted on by sgottahurt

When rapper Flo Rida originally burst on the scene (his song Low was featured in the award-winning-worthy Step Up 2 The Streets), I wasn’t a fan.  I thought the song was essentially shilling a catalog of products: Apple Bottoms jeans, Uggs (boots with fur), Reeboks (with straps), and um, baggy sweatpants…

But somewhere along the line, I got hooked.  The same happened with his follow up (In the Ayer) and Right Round, which borrows quite liberally from the classic 80’s tune, You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead or Alive.

Now know this – I usually can’t stand it when most songs lift old songs for new ones.  (Rihanna’s borrowing of Soft Cell’s Tainted Love back-beat to create the entirely different SOS was a major exception.  And I don’t count the Numa Numa song lifted for TI and Rihanna’s Live Your Life.)  And Right Round barely passed that opinion, but imagine my surprise when I heard Eiffel 65’s Blue in a new song:

Initially, I thought, “Oh geez, not this now!”  But when I figured out it out was Flo Rida, all was forgiven.  Why is that?

JusWondering… Can You Get Drunk Off Milk?

Posted on by sgottahurt

For the month of May I’ve decided to cut out some of the things that have made my life worth living… Taco Bell, Mt. Dew, beer, um, Taco Bell, Mt. Dew, and beer, yeah…

So far, four days in, I’ve managed to keep up with the plan and maintain the social habits in which my usuals are consumed.

  • Friday – MGM Casino and Detroit Tigers’ game (drunk kids behind us would have been more fun had I also been smashed)
  • Saturday – My brother’s play (totally would have drank afterwards normally, but it was actually really entertaining)
  • Sunday – My friend’s softball game (I’m the scorekeeper, usually armed with a pen in one hand and a beer in the other) 
  • Today – 80’s Night at Comerica Park (booze fest, natch)

Yet alas, here I am, prodding through with my plan, having nightmares about caving in and drinking Mt. Dew (seriously), getting tempted like crazy.

But something strange has been occurring the last few nights.  As I sit down on my couch to prepare for a late night, pre-bedtime viewing of TV shows on DVD (just finished the hilarious It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia… Burn Notice is next), I’ve been partaking of a glass or two of low fat organic milk.  And after drinking that second glass, I’ve been feeling a wee bit tipsy.

So I decided to investigate if this was a phenomenon, or merely something in my head.  I remember in the short-lived comic book, X-Nation 2099, the mutants would get drunk off of milk.  So why can’t I?

There are many cases of infantile beriberi (kakke) in Japan. In most instances the mother of the afflicted infant has beriberi. However, sometimes the mother is healthy (concealed beriberi). Ito observed such a case in which the mother did not have beriberi and called the condition “mother’s milk intoxication.” But he afterward changed this name to “breast milk intoxication” because he saw cases in babies who were nourished with the milk of wet-nurses.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is very provocative in its media campaign about milk, but it is correct in its message. Beer is indeed better than milk for health, as are both wine and distilled spirits.

  • Doing too many shots of milk produces the same result as too many shots of liquor:
  • Bill Murray drinks a glass of warm milk before he goes to bed.

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Happy Find… Robot Penguins, Living Walls, And Cracked-Out Construx Thingees

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s another dial-up day, so pardon the brevity of the post.  But do know this – Robot Penguins will always be a Happy Find, no matter my connection speed.

Also Happy Find worthy:

  • Flying Robot Penguins
  • Light Bulb Changing Claws (okay, well maybe not these)
  • Living Walls
  • Interactive Cube Thingees That Look Like Cracked-Out Construx Toys

For those uninitiated in all-things-Construx:

Legos were for nerds... Construx was for bigger nerds.

Legos were for nerds... Construx was for bigger nerds.

 (pic via ThisOldToybecause RetroJunk is a dick)