Will should have entered last week.
This is a contest my mother entered my sister’s fiancé into. Old dude’s winning. Don’t know what the prize is… all I know is my weekend is almost over and my entries haven’t been up to snuff. My apologies. My game will be back in full swing maybe later… or tomorrow…
You can have extra fun by guessing which won is my sister’s fiancé.
This website is a treat. I’m working while hungover. Have fun.
Oh, it’s called CanIDoBetter? Just keep clicking that name. Need a nap.
I think I can do better, btw…
I may need to do more research before making that decision.
There’s some things that are popular that I get, and there are somethings I don’t. Then there are some I’m afraid to look too into out of fear of never escaping. Such a curious mind can leave you with dementied brain dents you can never straighten out (I have four – FOUR* – images burnt into my retinas that will never leave me just because I had to go poking around on the TripleDoubleU). And then there’s always the possibility of addiction (see my Songsmith post below).
And that, dear friends, is why I avoid things like Facebook and Twitter. This WordPress blog is consuming enough. One of my friends, Aaron, just started a Facebook profile and he’s spiraling down the drain like a dead goldfish in a toilet.
What I decided to do was test out the concept of Twitter, which is mini-blog you maintain through out the day. How about you better explain it, Mr. Wiki:
Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that allows its users to send and read other users’ updates (otherwise known as tweets), which are text-based posts of up to 140 characters in length.
Okay, so pretty much what I said, not counting that mini vs. micro prefix. So to illustrate how busy I am on a random day at work, allow me to present my Twitter test run.
10:35am – I’m at a client cleaning spyware. Hearts kicked my ass, but not bad enough for me to quit. Is it bad that I quit when I’m losing?
11:27am – I answered questions after figuring out what was asked. I held a door for a woman and she said there are still gentlemen in this world.
11:45am – I was going to let a semi merge in front of me on freeway. I used to battle truckers. Since I’m nice now I think they look out for me.
12:02pm – At office, a minivan took its sweet time parking so I cut it off for the good spot. So much for being a gentleman. I had 2 pc’s to carry.
12:21pm – Proper restroom etiquette occurred whilst kids dropped off at pool. Cannot linger when another is in the stall… it’s just not cool.
12:38pm – Have to upgrade my copy of Quickbooks, but CD is in another pc. Too lazy to get up. Remoting in to share drive and install. Win!
1:06pm – At Taco Bell (‘natch) some dude stole my cheesy double beef burritos from counter! Was it a scam or coincidence? I’m thinking scam.
1:39pm – At Best Buy wrestled with buying Prince of Persia for $40. Prince of Persia won.
2:13pm – Meaning to look into Drunken Recollection from last night. Does blood thin in summer and thicken in winter? Nurse/cousin Liz says no.
2:15pm – Nurse/cousin Liz is right: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C0CE4DE1630F935A35751C0A966958260
2:31pm – Dave at work asks if I’d rather see Donkey Punch (again) or Street Fighter Chun Li. I pick Donkey Punch.
2:32pm – Dave then asks if I’d rather see Donkey Punch or Tyler Perry movie. I say Family that Preys got good reviews, so that, but not Madea.
2:33pm – Dave then asks if I’d rather see Street Fighter or Pink Panther 2. I say Pink Panther… barely.
2:54 pm – A brand new pc’s Windows is missing so I run the restore. While it’s restoring, I work on this entry. I think I might like Twitter.
*Some may say “Just four?” but these four are enough for me.
The nominations for this year’s Academy Awards came out today, and while a lot of other better informed, better thought-out, better written sites will have their two cents to suck on and hope they pass the Breathalyzer, here’s my wheat penny’s worth.
Um, hello…? The Dark Knight anybody? Sure, Heath Ledger received his well-deserved posthumous nomination for his portrayal/reinvention of the Joker, but where’s the Best Picture nod? This film was hands down a surefire contender, if not the absolute best. I thought the original Batman Beginswas award-worthy, and the sequel was ten times smarter, darker, and realistic than, gah, well I guess The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire (the other three are based on true stories, and we all know that’s code for loose adaptation).
Don’t get me wrong – I love David Fincher and Danny Boyle (Trainspotting – ‘natch), and I’m happy to see them nominated as well, but where’s Chris Nolan’s nod? And although I found Slumdog to be fascinating and worthy, Button kinda bit it. I wanted to love the film, like I do Fight Club and Seven, but the intercutting between “Katrina’s coming” New Orleans and the overwhelming similarity to Forrest Gump (which screenwriter Eric Roth also scripted) sank it for me.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
OTHER WHEAT PENNIES:
I am glad that Martin McDonagh got nominated for writing In Bruges. My friend, Chris, had recommended checking it out before I visited Belgium last year, and I wish I had… Bruges looked like a dream, except you’re awake (check out the film – it’s awesome).
Holla at Robert Downey, Jr! Nominated not only for a role in a comedy film, but for wearing black face in Tropic Thunder. Whodathunk?
WALL-E got nominated for Best Animated Feature. WHOOPT-E FUCK-N DO. Why should Beauty and the Beast continue to carry the distinction of the only animated film nominated for Best Picture when this (and Finding Nemo) blow it away?
In closing… my friend, Dave, asked if I had seen The Reader yet. I had told him I hadn’t, but I heard Kate Winslet was nude in it, to which he replied, “When is she not?” I dubbed her the female Harvey Keitel, and he did a spit-take with his coffee.
Finis.
The wunderkinds wonderbreads Vistapushers, um, developers at Microsoft have developed a retarded gay lame program called Songsmith. If you’re brave enough to watch the research team’s demonstration video about the product, be my guest and click here.
For those of you wise enough to trust me, which isn’t saying altogether much about either of us if you do, all you need to know is that Songsmith is a music making program. And I use “music making” in the loosest sense.
The premise is this: you hook your mic up to your pc and open the application. You sing a made up song however you want, and the program will create the backup music for you. Srsly.
The fun part is that there’s a YouTube channel by azz100c that contains plenty of famous original vocals run through the program. A few of my favorites are a folksy version of “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, and to explain the sound of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” would spoil the fun.
(Thank you again ever so much Videogum… you rock!)
FYI… I added a new page at the top – The Theory Sheet!
A sample:
4) The Urination Observation. If there is any difference between the sexes “skill sets,” I bet it all boils down to boys having to aim when they pee. This point might be argued by women that deal with any man on a regular basis, and their guy’s toilet habits. Just because a man might not always make it directly into the porcelain basin, it does not mean they cannot piss their name in the snow. Women, as far as I know, lack this ability (maybe in Sanskrit they can). Because of boys needing/wanting/having to develop spacial relations the minute they lose the diaper, if there is a difference in men’s ability to drive, build, play video games, blah… it’s due to the development of wang stream control.
Samantha in Sanskrit... it's possible to pee this, right?
Hmm… today doesn’t feel too much different than yesterday… or two days ago.
I guess there is a slightly better taste in my mouth, like I used Plax before brushing, but have yet to put paste to gums. Barack Obama is now acting President, and I thought his speech was well-played. All the hope swung around like a fly-swatter at a barbeque during his acceptence speech was downplayed into a reality-based, looking forward, we-have-to-work-together memorandum that I hope didn’t fall on any deaf ears.
We live in a country where very few think about anyone but themselves, and sometimes even those that do think of others, from time to time, need to be reminded to do so. Everyone’s too busy trying to keep up with the Joneses, when they haven’t even walked next door to introduce themselves (metaphorically speaking).
Anyhighhorse, on with the alleged comedy…
Was anyone else worried that this guy had a bomb strapped under his chair, and that he would scream, “I’m going to hell, and I’m taking all of you with me!” followed by the Howard Dean yelp?
"FDR was a wuss," he might be thinking.
I also began to wonder if you stared at the crowd that formed, might you see underwater images, like in those 3D pics that were popular years ago?
Stare... keep staring...
...and voila (kinda)!
Shirley awesome!
There’s a forum on SomethingAwful that has all kinds of Photoshopped madness. Click here to check it out.
The thread began with the idea of replacing regular folks in home photos with the mugs of celebs. Example:
Lilo and Stitch
But it’s since evolved into a Buseypalooza. There’s not much on there, but to post them all on here would ruin the surprise. I don’t think it’s active anymore, either, unfortunately, but it still makes me G.R.I.N. (Gotta Recommend It Now… see, Buseyisms aren’t that tough).
My friend, Venessa, ran across this on late night TV and it made her chuckle. Upon second viewing the next day, she didn’t find it humorous anymore. (And she made sure to deny she was drunk…)
I’ve seen the HilDuf version of this commercial before, and I find that I’m in a bit of a dill because of it (dill = pickle):
What am I supposed to say now that gay is also taken away from me? It’s so retarded that I can’t say something’s gay, and it’s so gay that I can’t say something’s retarded? What if something is gay, and not in a bad way – because some things are just gay? Am I not allowed to point this out?
I guess I could call things lame, but wouldn’t crippled people be offended?
That’s so Appalachian doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.
That’s so Raven might work, considering the show was retardedly gay.
Na-Nu Not-New!
I guess my biggest point of upset is this: I want rainbows back!
I will stop saying things are so gay, if the gay community would relinquish the multicolored arch. I can’t where my Mork suspenders without inviting suspicions.
Eureka! I’ve got it!
That’s so alien!
My sister, Becky, recently started a blog about things she learns everyday called SomethingKnew. Since I’m usually forgetting things, I thought I’d pay tribute to her site by recounting something new that I learned.
Today, I discovered the origin of a nickname I received when working overnight at Target. I didn’t even know there was a basis for the moniker. Whereas most of the other overnighters bounced around departments in the store, my only job was to take care of Plastics – the unpacking and organizing of all large Rubbermaid and Sterilite containers. I always had a bunch of cardboard by morning, and the trash compactor runner guy, Greg, used to call me Baby Plas. He called my friend, John, the Gordon Fisherman for some unknown reason, and my friend, Rodney, simply Dangerfield out of necessity, I guess.
And I didn’t think much about it. I thought it was just an odd yet obvious choice. (For example: if I was dubbed, say, the Trix Rabbit, I would have wondered where it came from, much like I did with John the Gordon Fisherman.) Somewhere inside me, I resigned to the fact that it teetered on the Dangerfield zone of unoriginality.
Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon this facet of pop culture that escaped me:
Baby Plas was a reference to “The Plastic Man Comedy/Adventure Show.” Baby Plas was Plastic Man’s baby. I worked with plastics. I was more the Gordon Fisherman than John would ever be. I was more Dangerfield in every sense of the word.
And I missed basking in the nickname.
For shame.
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 